FRUIT OPINIONS!

Holy crap. This strip’s been up for 800 seconds and it’s already the most controversial thing I’ve ever written, beating out comics about cunnilingus, the Obama endorsement, and my making 4chan tiny on the map of the internet. It turns out everyone and their mother has a fruit opinion, and every one of those opinions is now in my inbox.

Just remember to keep some perspective. If you think watermelon is delicious, and I think it’s only so-so, the important thing is that we each find something we like. Who’s to say whose taste is right?

I am. You are wrong; watermelon is overrated.

Also, I have never liked cantaloupe. It brings down otherwise tasty fruit salads. There, I said it.

571 replies on “FRUIT OPINIONS!”

  1. The fruit controversy is very popular because fruit IS NOT controversial! People feel free to talk openly about their hard line fruit opinions because it lacks any sort of potential for true offense. It’s good clean angsty fun.

    Just one question, are you judging a tomato on it’s own merits, or are you specifically only comparing it to the societal construct of what should be fruit?

    Also, the ReCaptcha words I just got are ‘have bedroom’ which I do…I just like the sound of it…it’s the sexier version of ‘got milk’ which has always been a take on the porn industry in the first place.

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  2. What about corn? Beans? Those are fruit too!

    The set of fruit is a torsor on the complex numbers…

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  3. Ain’t nothin’ but fruit postin’ partay (and partay, we partay)!

    LOL, this comic rocks my atomic nuclei!

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  4. “This is fantastic! I would like to see a graph of controversy vs. humor.”
    That’s easy. It starts relatively high, because mundane things can be very funny. Then it decreases, when it gets into slightly controversial but boring things. Then it shoots up, since controversial issues are easy to make fun of. Finally it kind of drops off a little when the issues get too controversial to safely discuss. The point of maximum controversy to humor ratio is called the Colbert Peak.

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  5. I agree with the difficulty/easy aspect of the graph on all aspect cept one. Tomatoes are difficult to eat due to the fact you have to prepare them, unless they are cherry tomatoes…

    But you sir declare oranges and untasty…oranges are amazing!

    for said transgression, I challenge you to a duel!

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  6. In my world this diagram is in 3D. The depth axis being “poisonous”. I’m allergic to “stone fruits” (dunno if that’s the proper name in English) i.e. most fruits with a large pit in the middle, with quite a few other fruits triggering my allergies just for good measure. 😦 Also, just so that will know what I miss, I wasn’t always allergic (it developed in my middle to late twenties).

    I too, immensly enjoy the taste of peaches, but it rates too high on the poisonous axis for me to eat.

    Fuck peaches!

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  7. Wouldn’t it be nice to do the aforementioned fruitgraph.com but also factor in things such as the voter’s geography, difficulty to get rid of the remains, price and scarcity (as in the effort, in addition to money, it takes to acquire said fruit)? It could be combined with Google Earth for a fantastic mashup prognosticizing geopolitical events!

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  8. I was pissed about your placement of oranges at first, and then I went and got one and ate it the same way you’d eat an apple to see if it was easier than peeling it.

    I now agree with the taste part of your placement. Also, while easier, it detracts form the taste, and the fruit falls in on itself if you eat the middle section first.

    And yes, I was involved in an hours long internet fight about this.

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  9. “Wouldn’t it be nice to do the aforementioned fruitgraph.com but also factor in things such as the voter’s geography, difficulty to get rid of the remains, price and scarcity (as in the effort, in addition to money, it takes to acquire said fruit)? It could be combined with Google Earth for a fantastic mashup prognosticizing geopolitical events!”
    US declares war on Iran to ensure our date supply…?

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  10. Poster w/ graph axes, w/ barely visible original fruit-ordinates, packaged with magnets or static-stickies… Best party conversational piece ever.

    And if you photo-copy the graphs, you can decorate your room(s) with everyone’s different preferences.

    Serves a threefold purpose: dissension, decoration, and last ditch gift ideas.

    ~ELF

    P.S. “boon stud” is possibly the funniest verification phrase I’ve ever had to type.

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  11. Tangerines? I can’t believe nobody in the first many comments mentioned their absence from the chart? They are a tastier version of oranges. Even if you hate citrus, you can’t hate tangerines. CAN’T.

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  12. “Zrajm Says:

    February 28th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
    In my world this diagram is in 3D. The depth axis being ?poisonous?.”

    There is a health axis, with health benefits vs. toxicity though Zrajm’s has sharper delineations then average. Maybe there are delicious fruits that only he can eat that are toxic to the rest of us…

    Grapefruit inhibits Phase I detoxification in your liver. Not only is it bitter, attacks the eyes when eaten with a spoon, and is difficult to eat, but it sneakily conspires with venomous assassins to kill you…
    Fuck Grapefruit!

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  13. Pineapples should be much farther towards the easy side of your graph. You’ve just got to know how to do it. All it takes is a ferret and a milk truck. But you have to make sure that everyone stays out of the 10-meter blast radius.

    Personally, I think pineapple tastes terrible, but I’m growing it in my back yard next to the ferret farm and milk truck factory just to show off. People are always amazed, especially when I get it just right and the insides of the fruit falls right in their mouth.

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  14. Cantaloupe = muskmelon = much better than any old mushy watermelon. Get the name right. And grapefruits are wonderful.

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  15. Any kind of melon brings down the taste of fruit salad. Apples are too hard to eat because halfway through I get bored.

    I don’t know why I’m making comment 456 here, cares about my opinion on fruits?

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  16. No, no. You are all wrong.

    Grapefruit juice will burn out all your eyes and devour your souls. The sourness will make your heads implode. They will sweep the nation, crushing all smaller fruit who stand in their way. Not even Dragon Fruit will be safe – they will poison them with foreign fruit viruses! All shall fall before the mighty force that is Grapefruits.

    Grapefruits are the KGB’s fruit of choice.

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  17. What kind of watermelons are we talkin’ about here? The watery, weak-ass watermelons with tiny pink seeds and no flavor, or the classic, sweet, goddamned REAL watermelons with proper big black seeds that would damage someone’s eyes if you spit them properly?

    Because yes, the new models do indeed suck.

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  18. I agree with your assessment of cantelopes (although they are technically called “musk melon,” but I digress), but your opinion of pomegrantes as not tasty is incorrect. They are quite tasty, especially when the juice is used in beverages of the adult variety.

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  19. My mom just bought grapefruit scented handsoap for the bathroom (I know, wtf right?) and now every time I wash my hands this comic comes to mind. That and I hate the smell.

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  20. I fuck grapefruit. What other fruit could you rape, besides a grape? Might be more appropriately sized. I’ll keep you apprised. Or will I?

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  21. The ideal fruit is definitely WILD strawberries. They might seem to belong to the extreme right-hand corner. As for the taste, they are just yummy. As for the easiness, they have no peel, no pit, no uneatable part whatsoever that you have to remove or dispose of; you needn’t even chew them: just put them in your mouth, crush them with your tongue, and enjoy! Picking them is not hard either: you only need give them a light pull; the ripe ones will neatly come off at once, and the bad ones will remain on the stem and will not spoil your lot. Their bright colour makes them easy to spot as well (and very appetising). The only problem with wild strawberries is they size: I mean, they are really SMALL. To get even a handful of them, you have to spend at least half an hour kneeling in the underwood, checking every single blade of grass, staining your clothes with dew and strawberry juice, and making yourself an easy target for mosquitoes. The result is definitely worth it, though! So I would place them somewhere in the upper middle.

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  22. OH and BTW to whoever said “unless you want to litter you have to figure out what to do with the banana peal”

    I have a long standing debate with my wife over this. I content that banana peels and apple cores are not littering. In fact they are much more likely to biodegrade if thrown in a bush than if thrown in a garbage can.

    The argument basically extends to anything you might throw in a compost pile.

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  23. I stumbled upon the blog discussion a bit late, but thought I might add in a few missing pieces of the discussion and a couple of references.

    First, there does exist an easy technique for removing the pips from a pomegranate — namely, cut/split the fruit into two or three sections, slightly invert the peel so that the pips are under stress and jutting out a bit, then repeatedly whap on the back of the peel with a large spoon — the pips pop right out into the bowl you’ve placed beneath it for collection.

    Second, there are a few fruits which have still been sadly ignored in the conversation. A number of comments brought up mangos, mangosteen, passionfruit, and pomelons, all worthy fruits. Additionally, particularly for you Oceania denizens, consider: salak (aka snake fruit), dragonfruit, and (one of my favorites) rambutan.

    In the southern U.S. there are some options for tart-lovers, namely muscadines, crab apples, kumquats, and persimmons.

    Finally, there is only ONE way to properly open a coconut. You have to stand on two teapots:

    Cheers,
    Matt

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  24. “I have a long standing debate with my wife over this. I content that banana peels and apple cores are not littering. In fact they are much more likely to biodegrade if thrown in a bush than if thrown in a garbage can.”
    The problem being if they’re thrown on sidewalks (or racetracks), in which case they make people slip and stink if they rot, not to mention popping balloons.

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  25. Maybe someone has mentioned this — but it looks like you have about a 0.5 correlation between tastiness and ease. Do fruits taste better when they’re easy to eat? Should we control for this with peeled grapefruit and pre-opened coconut?

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  26. Red apples deserve more recognition than green apples because Winesaps are the best apples to ever grow on trees. It?s also obvious that you gave no measure on how opportunistic a fruit is. If you get a crappy peach, you are stuck with it, but on the other hand, Grapes and Pomegranates are fruits of hope because every seed and grape is just another chance to get a really tasty one. And there is a reason Pomegranates were called the fruit of the gods. How can tomatoes be untasty?! That?s just like saying Pizza is untasty, and thus offending Italians and college students from all over the world. I think fruit tests an individual’s perseverance, but oranges and grapefruit are totally not worth it.

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  27. in response to jman583… would seem you did not include washability as a difficulty factor. otherwise bananas would be the easiest and berries and grapes would be much higher difficulty. i mean, really, it is much harder to wash berries & grapes than, say, an orange or grapefruit or apple. you either have to get a strainer or was them individually (not worth it). if you hold a grape cluster under the sink (no strainer), several are bound to fall into the depths of the disposal, thus creating loss or causing further washing. bananas don’t need washing and make the easiest on-the-go fruit (especially b/c of the lack of juice).

    to echo other comments, kudos for including tomatoes!

    and i agree that cantaloupes ruin fruit salads. who came up with that gay way of spelling it anyway? higher difficulty for gay spelling…

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  28. ps – in response to elisa, it’s called CANNED FRUIT (or the containers of pre-sliced fuit in the grocery store). and that’s just cheating.

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  29. How about some kind of data gathering tool that lets people place the fruit on their own scale, then the app takes everone’s choices and makes an average representing general fruit ease/taste.

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  30. am i weird for having this particular comic as my pc background?
    i suppose not, after seeing the, now heated, debates in here.
    And although i debate the placement of Red and Green Apples, I’ll pretend that maybe it was a mistake… Or that I’m color-blind…
    I cant Help it….
    and don’t we all wonder now…. “Where is the Golden Delicious Apple? Did he JUST not make the cut?” Poor guy.
    Anyway… thank you, Mr. Monroe. Youve provided me with a taste vs. effeciency spectrum to pick my fruits out by.
    you really dont understand how much this means.
    XD

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  31. I agree with this graph.

    Except Pommegranate.

    But that doesn’t really matter…

    Thank God.

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  32. Kumquats and kiwifruit are similar in that they can be extremely difficult (if you peel them) or they can be supremely easy (just bite them and eat with peels). They are both extremely tasty. Leaving them off the graph, especially because I would have expected no less of XKCD than to plot them hyperbolically, is really disappointing. Seriously.

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  33. i’m so glad someone else understands that cantaloupes* ruin fruit salad.

    *though the fruits that are sold as cantaloupes in the US are actually muskmelons. real cantaloupes aren’t sold in the states. don’t ask me why.

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  34. Lemons are delightful, but that’s just to me and I accept that I’m a freak of nature for it.

    Anyways, I loved that comic no matter how much I agree or disagree with it- it makes my hour quite often, really.

    So fuck grapefruit.

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  35. Hey cantaloupes (cantaloupes? i was thinking anglophones called it “singing wolf” lol..) rock!

    Try it with prosciutto crudo, how do you say it? “raw ham” according to wikipedia, well actualy a sweet type of prosciutto crudo like prosciutto di parma, I do not know about other nations, however you have to take the ham and coil a cube of cantalupi with it, we use it as appetizer, realy good..

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  36. In Soviet Russia, grapefruit fucks you.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. And for the record, there always seems to be too much cantaloupe around. Or muskmelon. Or, whatever.

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  37. I am confused by all these comments…I love pretty much every fruit on there, regardless of difficulty (but I refuse to eat pomegranate because of the effort required).

    Also, I am SUPER confused by the “what is cantaloupe” comments…I wiki’d “rockmelon” and was redirected to cantaloupe. According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, it’s only called rockmelon Down Under. For the record I am Canadian, not American. I prefer cantaloupe over rockmelon purely because of the hilarious puns it allows for.

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  38. I am not easily offended by other people’s preferences, so I don’t mind that people don’t like fruits that I like… but the difficulty?

    What’s up with pears being less difficult than apples? How hard is it to eat a banana? And pineapple… here’s a tip for people who have been bested by fruit: buy a knife. You can use a knife to cut food into pieces, then use a fork to eat it if you don’t like a mess on your hands. The knife and fork should be familiar to those who enjoy technology.

    This comic was offensive.

    Like

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