Duke Nukem Forever Metalist

Now that the Duke Nukem Forever project is dead (until it’s sold off and picked up by someone else), there’s a lot of renewed interest in the hilarious list of things that took less time than the Duke Nukem Forever development process.  It lists things such as the Beatles’ entire music career and World War II plus the Manhattan Project.

What struck me was that the list itself has been around a long time.  I was laughing at it years ago, and though it was updated just today, most of the items on it still date back to the original list (circa late 2005/early 2006, I think).

So I present to you — and read this carefully; it’s not a mistake — a list of things that happened since the List of Things That Have Happened Since Duke Nukem Forever Was Announced was written.

  • Barack Obama announced his candidacy, slogged through the longest Presidential campaign in American history, and was elected.
  • Hurricane Katrina flooded New Orleans and wiped out much of the Gulf Coast.
  • Ehud Olmert came to power in Israel, pursued a war against Lebanon, and was succeeded by Netanyahu.
  • Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito have had their entire Supreme Court careers since the list was written.
  • The world panicked over bird flu, calmed down, panicked over swine flu, and apparently dodged a bullet.
  • The iPhone was announced, released, and developed to the point where it could make fart noises.
  • Windows Vista was released, sputtered a bit, and is now reaching the end of its life cycle.

Additionally, the List of Things That Took Less Time Than the Duke Nukem Forever Development has been circulating for longer than each of these things took:

  • The release of all three Lord of the Rings movies
  • The painting of the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel (or, will be true in a few months)
  • World War I (nearly; age of list is uncertain)
  • The development of Windows 95 from Windows 3.1
  • The construction of the Empire State Building
  • The entire run of the original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers show plus the first movie.
  • The premier of Firefly, its cancellation, its growth into a geek classic, and the subsequent greenlighting, filming and release of Serenity.

218 replies on “Duke Nukem Forever Metalist”

  1. Perhaps this is not the right place to comment this, but I don’t actually care 🙂 :

    > A garage full of programmers in Croatia (Croteam) developed the engine and created the game Serious Sam. Since then there have been multiple sequels and console ports- all off a fraction of the money 3D Realms has blown on DNF’s development.

    YES! This is one of the few times I saw Croteam mentioned outside Croatia 🙂 And, by the way, the technology/ technique they created and used to make fire in SS (not sure in which one) is also used in movies.
    But I must note that I heard that and that I haven’t verified it.

    Like

  2. Too bad they already signed with Take-Two. Otherwise, they could have left the final sources up on their site after it shut down, and spawned a gazillion free software projects.

    Like

  3. @David: don’t you think there would be some sort of NDA or other licensing nonsense with the various engines that they messed with during development?

    Dan wrote:
    >> Actually I think it’s the least used of all the
    >> shift+numeric keys, at least for me.

    I guess I can see that lesser degree of use, even though I do frequently use the C preprocessor (#define, etc.), and I occasionally write TeX macros.

    Like

  4. Shift+Numeric keys on the UK/Irish keyboard:

    ! ” £ $ % ^ & * ( )

    AltGr+4 = €

    The hash key is over next to the return: #
    Shift+# = ~

    Next to it is the apostrophe: ‘
    Shift+’ = @

    I believe the American keyboard swaps ” and @. I don’t know why.

    In France, the number keys are the other way up. They’re symbols by default. You need the shift key to get the numbers. (Admittedly, I’ve only been to one Internet Cafe in France, and that was in a Germanic area: Strasbourg.)

    Turkish keyboards are interesting, because there are two versions of the letter i: one with a dot and one without. That means that what to us is one letter is in Turkey seen on two different keys. I and i are not on the same key.

    captcha: wire namibia (lower case)

    TRiG.

    Like

  5. “The entire run of the original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers show plus the first movie.”

    Ah, but the *Zordon era* lasted longer than the list… six seasons. Of course, that’s not as long as it’s been since DNF was announced…

    Like

  6. Identifying the least-used shift-number character is actually tough. Many are very specialised characters that some people may never use at all.

    -Obviously, the most-used is shift-1 ‘!’
    -shift-9 ‘(‘ and shift-0 and ‘)’ follow as being practical in applications ranging from coding to blogging to arguing on forums.
    -shift-8 “*” is probably somewhat more used than others. It’s a popular character for crude text-art, used as a footnote referencer, and has applications in coding and mathematics.
    -shift-4 “$” and shift-5 “%” are used primarily in making spreadsheets pretty, though they are also used for the appropriate unit shorthands in common discourse. They also have coding applications, putting them right up there with “*”
    -shift-7 “&” is mainly used in certain types of coding, so depending on how much you code and in what languages you may use it a lot or never at all. Once a common shorthand for “&” it is largely deprecated in common discourse.
    -shift-3 “#” is widely used to mean “number,” giving it a widespread use in e-mail and web discourse. It is also used in some coding and as an abbreviation in nich applications for things like “pound/pounds.”
    -shift-6 “^” has basically no non-mathematical use, so unless you use the exponent function a lot in your writing, I’d guess you don’t get a lot of use out of it. I would guess it’s actually the least-common, though I could be wrong.

    Like

  7. A 3D Realms employee has confirmed that about 80% of the game’s assets have been done, NOT 80 % of the game, moreover, the video leaked out was from a few months ago, and gameplay and graphics have been tweaked since then, Its our wish that this game gets released for it would be a game worth playing in this sea of “Realistic-Crap” of games that we’re currently getting.

    For More info: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=97701010831

    (Content & info provided by Ex-3DRealms Devs themselves)

    Btw, we’ve been having a “Movement” of sorts to get this game out, here’s the petition page of it, http://www.petitiononline.com/duke4eva/petition.html

    We just hope that DNT ain’t Duke Nukem’s Swansong !

    Like

  8. “How about the List of Things That Took More Time Than the Duke Nukem Forever Development? Only human-made things, please.”

    The construction of the Cathedral at Cologne. It took from 1248 to 1880. They did finish it, however.

    Like

  9. 100th.

    Duke Nukem seems like it really did take forever.

    That isn’t a pun, nor was I trying to make one.

    But I think how it’s funny that the events you’ve listed are “America-centered” because you’re in America, yet they would be almost exactly the same things everybody else around the world would’ve said.

    This saddens me slightly.

    Like

  10. Hey.. I’ve always wondered.. Are you an atheist, Mr. Munroe? You certainly seem very intelligent and scientifically inclined…

    Like

  11. another thing for the list of things that happened since the List of Things That Have Happened Since Duke Nukem Forever Was Announced was written list:

    Greensburg, ks was COMPLETELY DESTROYED by a mile wide tornado then rebuilt as “the Greenest Town in America” with its own TLC show.

    Like

  12. I understand that you are a fan of the series, but Duke Nukem Forever Metal? Isn’t that getting just a little too mid-nineties dork who wears a leather jacket?

    Like

  13. Every time I see the title of this post I think metal-ist, not meta-list. And I think I would like to be a metal-ist, but only if it has to with the music, not the minerals.

    Like

  14. re: #587
    Just when I thought I’d put it all behind me, just when I’d finally stopped pining for that silly little show and moved on with my life… DARN YOU TO HECK, MUNROE!!one!

    Like

  15. Thanks for the list links and your extension! I got a good laugh out of those.

    I also got a big laugh out of #587. 😀 I just wish I knew someone to forward it to who’d get the joke.

    Like

  16. They forgot to mention the Star Trek movie that came out this year.

    Made, Gone, and Past.

    Like

  17. Yeah, it’s totally metal-ist — I honestly didn’t realize it was meta-list until I read Laura’s post. Then the title actually made some sense.

    Like

  18. The most worrying thing about this list is that in the time since DNF was being “developed” I have been a university student…and still am.

    Like

  19. Help us provide free content to the world by donating today!
    The results for Wikimedia’s licensing update vote have been announced. View the results here.
    [Hide]
    [Help us with translations!]
    Toilet paper
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Jump to: navigation, search
    For the South Park episode, see Toilet Paper (South Park episode).
    A roll of toilet paper.

    Toilet paper is a soft paper product (tissue paper) used to maintain personal hygiene after human defecation or urination. It differs in composition somewhat from facial tissue, and is designed to decompose in septic tanks, which some other bathroom and facial tissues do not. Most septic tank manufacturers advise against using paper products that are non-septic tank safe. Different names and slang terms are used for toilet paper in countries around the world, including “loo roll/paper,” “toilet roll,” “dunny roll/paper,” “bog roll,” “AP [for all-purpose] paper,” “bathroom/toilet tissue,” “jacks roll”, “TP” or just “tissue.”
    Contents
    [hide]

    * 1 History
    * 2 Modern toilet paper
    * 3 Environmental considerations
    * 4 See also
    * 5 Notes
    * 6 References
    * 7 External links

    [edit] History
    Wooden toilet paper from the Nara period (710 to 784) in Japan. The modern rolls in the background are for size comparison

    Although paper had been known as a wrapping and padding material in China since the 2nd century BC,[1] the first use of toilet paper in human history dates back to the 6th century AD, in early medieval China.[2] In 589 AD the scholar-official Yan Zhitui (531–591) wrote about the use of toilet paper:

    “Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes”.[2]

    During the later Tang Dynasty (618–907 AD) a Muslim traveler to China in the year 851 AD remarked:

    “They (the Chinese) are not careful about cleanliness, and they do not wash themselves with water when they have done their necessities; but they only wipe themselves with paper.”[2]

    During the early 14th century (Yuan Dynasty) it was recorded that in modern-day Zhejiang province alone there was an annual manufacturing of toilet paper amounting in ten million packages of 1,000 to 10,000 sheets of toilet paper each.[2] During the Ming Dynasty (1368–1644 AD), it was recorded in 1393 that 720,000 sheets of toilet paper (two by three feet in size) were produced for the general use of the Imperial court at the capital of Nanjing.[2] From the records of the Imperial Bureau of Supplies (Bao Chao Si) of that same year, it was also recorded that for Emperor Hongwu’s imperial family alone, there were 15,000 sheets of special soft-fabric toilet paper made, and each sheet of toilet paper was even perfumed.[2]

    Elsewhere, wealthy people used wool, lace or hemp for their ablutions, while less wealthy people used their hand when defecating into rivers, or cleaned themselves with various materials such as rags, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize, ferns, may apple plant husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs, depending upon the country and weather conditions or social customs. In Ancient Rome, a sponge on a stick was commonly used, and, after usage, placed back in a bucket of saltwater.

    The 16th century French satirical writer François Rabelais in his series of novels Gargantua and Pantagruel, discussing the various ways of cleansing oneself at the toilet, wrote that: “He who uses paper on his filthy bum, will always find his ballocks lined with scum”, proposing that the soft feathers on the back of a live goose provide an optimum cleansing medium.

    In many parts of the world, especially where toilet paper or the necessary plumbing for disposal may be unavailable or unaffordable, toilet paper is not used. Cleansing is then performed with other methods or materials, such as water, for example using a bidet, rags, sand, leaves (including seaweed), corn cobs, animal furs, or sticks.

    As explained here, using water to clean oneself, often along with toilet paper or sometimes in lieu of toilet paper, is common in Europe, most of South America, the Indian subcontinent, and the Muslim world where people use their left hand to clean themselves and their right hand for eating or greeting.
    A print by William Hogarth entitled A Just View of the British Stage from 1724 depicting Robert Wilks, Colley Cibber, and Barton Booth rehearsing a pantomime play with puppets enacting a prison break down a privy. The “play” is comprised of nothing but special effects, and the scripts for Hamlet, inter al., are toilet paper.

    [edit] Modern toilet paper

    Joseph Gayetty is widely credited with being the inventor of modern commercially available toilet paper in the United States. Gayetty’s paper, first introduced in 1857, was available as late as the 1920’s. Gayetty’s Medicated Paper was sold in packages of flat sheets, watermarked with the inventor’s name. [Original advertisements] for the product used the tagline “The greatest necessity of the age! Gayetty’s medicated paper for the water-closet.”

    Seth Wheeler of Albany, New York, obtained the earliest United States patents for toilet paper and dispensers, the types of which eventually were in common usage in that country.[3]

    The advantages of toilet paper are that it is easy and intuitive to use, fairly absorbent, and it can be flushed in most countries where toilet paper is common. Most modern sewage systems, including septic tanks, can accept toilet paper along with human excreta.

    Toilet paper is available in several types of paper, a variety of colors, decorations, and textures, to appeal to individual preference.

    Toilet paper products vary immensely in the technical factors that distinguish them: sizes, weights, roughness, softness, chemical residues, “finger-breakthrough” resistance, water-absorption, etc. The larger companies have very detailed, scientific market surveys to determine which marketing sectors require/demand which of the many technical qualities. Modern toilet paper may have a light coating of aloe or lotion or wax worked into the paper to reduce roughness. Quality is usually determined by the number of plies (stacked sheets), coarseness, and durability. Low grade institutional toilet paper is typically of the lowest grade of paper, has only one or two plies, is very coarse and sometimes has small amounts of unbleached/unpulped paper embedded in it. Mid-grade two ply is somewhat textured to provide some softness, and is somewhat durable. Premium toilet paper may have lotion and wax, and has two to four plies made of very finely pulped paper.

    Two-ply toilet paper is the standard in many countries, although one-ply is often available and marketed as a budget option, it may also be more appropriate for use in toilets on boats and in camper-vans. Toilet paper, especially if it is marketed as “luxury”, may be quilted or rippled (embossed), perfumed, colored or patterned, medicated (with anti-bacterial chemicals), treated with aloe, etc. Many novelty designs are also available on toilet paper, from cute cartoon animals to pictures of disfavored political celebrities to pictures of dollar bills. Women who are prone to vaginal Candidiasis yeast infections are advised by some medical experts to use white, unperfumed toilet paper.

    Moist toilet paper was first introduced by the Kimberly-Clark in the United Kingdom by Andrex in the 1990s, and in the United States in 2001, two countries in which bidets are rare. It is designed to clean better than dry toilet paper after defecation, and may be useful for women during menstruation.

    The manufacture of toilet paper is a large industry. Twenty-six billion rolls of toilet paper, worth about US$2.4 billion, are sold yearly in America alone. Americans use an average of 23.6 rolls per capita a year.[4]

    [edit] Environmental considerations
    Main article: Criticism of recycling

    Toilet paper is sometimes made from recycled paper; however, large amounts of virgin tree pulp is still used.[5] Environmentally friendly toilet paper may also be unbleached.

    A February 27, 2009 article in The Daily Mail said that more than 98% of the toilet paper used in the United States comes from virgin forests. [6] However, a contradictory February 25, 2009 New York Times article said that between 25% and 50% of the toilet paper used in the United States comes from tree farms in the U.S. and South America, with most of the rest coming from second growth forests, and only a small percentage coming from virgin forests. [4]

    [edit] See also

    * Bidet
    * Defecation
    * Feces
    * Hotel toilet-paper folding
    * Human feces
    * Outhouse
    * Sanitation
    * Toilet
    * Toilet papering

    [edit] Notes

    1. ^ Needham, Volume 5, Part 1, 122.
    2. ^ a b c d e f Needham, Volume 5, Part 1, 123.
    3. ^ The first of note is for the idea of perforating commercial papers (25 July 1871, #117355), the application for which includes an illustration of a perforated roll of paper. On 13 February 1883 he was granted patent #272369, which presented a roll of perforated wrapping or toilet paper supported in the center with a tube. Wheeler also had patents for mounted brackets that held the rolls. See also Joseph Nathan Kane, “Famous First Facts: A Record of First Happenings, Discoveries and Inventions in the United States” (H. W. Wilson: 1964), p. 434; Harper’s Magazine, vol. 184, 1941-1942 (Harper’s Magazine Co.:1941), p. 181; Jules Heller, “Paper Making” (Watson-Guptill:1978), p. 193.
    4. ^ a b “Mr. Whipple Left It Out: Soft Is Rough on Forests” by Leslie Kaufman, The New York Times, Feb. 25, 2009; for the per capita figure only. Retrieved 2-26-09.
    5. ^ “Kimberly-Clark 2005 Sustainability Report page 28”
    6. ^ Luxury toilet paper is more harmful to the environment than gas-guzzling cars, The Daily Mail, February 27, 2009

    * De Beaumont, Sally; Amoret Tanner, Maurice Rickards (2000). Encyclopedia of Ephemera. UK: Routledge. pp. 190–191. ISBN 0415926483.

    [edit] References

    * Needham, Joseph (1986). Science and Civilization in China: Volume 5, Chemistry and Chemical Technology, Part 1, Paper and Printing. Taipei: Caves Books, Ltd.

    [edit] External links
    Sister project Wikimedia Commons has media related to: Toilet paper

    * Answers.com Information
    * The Whole World Toilet Paper Museum
    * The Toilet Paper Problem, Donald E. Knuth, The American Mathematical Monthly, Vol. 91, No. 8 (Oct., 1984), pp. 465-470

    Retrieved from “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper”
    Categories: Paper products | Toilets
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    Like

  20. Help us provide free content to the world by donating today!
    The results for Wikimedia’s licensing update vote have been announced. View the results here.
    [Hide]
    [Help us with translations!]
    Toilet paper
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Jump to: navigation, search
    For the South Park episode, see Toilet Paper (South Park episode).
    A roll of toilet paper.

    Toilet paper is a soft paper product (tissue paper) used to maintain personal hygiene after human defecation or urination. It differs in composition somewhat from facial tissue, and is designed to decompose in septic tanks, which some other bathroom and facial tissues do not. Most septic tank manufacturers advise against using paper products that are non-septic tank safe. Different names and slang terms are used for toilet paper in countries around the world, including “loo roll/paper,” “toilet roll,” “dunny roll/paper,” “bog roll,” “AP [for all-purpose] paper,” “bathroom/toilet tissue,” “jacks roll”, “TP” or just “tissue.”
    Contents
    [hide]

    * 1 History
    * 2 Modern toilet paper
    * 3 Environmental considerations
    * 4 See also
    * 5 Notes
    * 6 References
    * 7 External links

    [edit] History
    Wooden toilet paper from the Nara period (710 to 784) in Japan. The modern rolls in the background are for size comparison

    Although paper had been known as a wrapping and padding material in China since the 2nd century BC,[1] the first use of toilet paper in human history dates back to the 6th century AD, in early medieval China.[2] In 589 AD the scholar-official Yan Zhitui (531–591) wrote about the use of toilet paper:

    “Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes”.[2]

    During the later Tang Dynasty (618–907 AD) a Muslim traveler to China in the year 851 AD remarked:

    “They (the Chinese) are not careful about cleanliness, and they do not wash themselves with water when they have done their necessities; but they only wipe themselves with paper.”[2]

    During the early 14th century (Yuan Dynasty) it was recorded that in modern-day Zhejiang province alone there was an annual manufacturing of toilet paper amounting in ten million packages of 1,000 to 10,000 sheets of toilet paper each.[2] During the Ming Dynasty (1368–1644 AD), it was recorded in 1393 that 720,000 sheets of toilet paper (two by three feet in size) were produced for the general use of the Imperial court at the capital of Nanjing.[2] From the records of the Imperial Bureau of Supplies (Bao Chao Si) of that same year, it was also recorded that for Emperor Hongwu’s imperial family alone, there were 15,000 sheets of special soft-fabric toilet paper made, and each sheet of toilet paper was even perfumed.[2]

    Elsewhere, wealthy people used wool, lace or hemp for their ablutions, while less wealthy people used their hand when defecating into rivers, or cleaned themselves with various materials such as rags, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize, ferns, may apple plant husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs, depending upon the country and weather conditions or social customs. In Ancient Rome, a sponge on a stick was commonly used, and, after usage, placed back in a bucket of saltwater.

    The 16th century French satirical writer François Rabelais in his series of novels Gargantua and Pantagruel, discussing the various ways of cleansing oneself at the toilet, wrote that: “He who uses paper on his filthy bum, will always find his ballocks lined with scum”, proposing that the soft feathers on the back of a live goose provide an optimum cleansing medium.

    In many parts of the world, especially where toilet paper or the necessary plumbing for disposal may be unavailable or unaffordable, toilet paper is not used. Cleansing is then performed with other methods or materials, such as water, for example using a bidet, rags, sand, leaves (including seaweed), corn cobs, animal furs, or sticks.

    As explained here, using water to clean oneself, often along with toilet paper or sometimes in lieu of toilet paper, is common in Europe, most of South America, the Indian subcontinent, and the Muslim world where people use their left hand to clean themselves and their right hand for eating or greeting.
    A print by William Hogarth entitled A Just View of the British Stage from 1724 depicting Robert Wilks, Colley Cibber, and Barton Booth rehearsing a pantomime play with puppets enacting a prison break down a privy. The “play” is comprised of nothing but special effects, and the scripts for Hamlet, inter al., are toilet paper.

    [edit] Modern toilet paper

    Joseph Gayetty is widely credited with being the inventor of modern commercially available toilet paper in the United States. Gayetty’s paper, first introduced in 1857, was available as late as the 1920’s. Gayetty’s Medicated Paper was sold in packages of flat sheets, watermarked with the inventor’s name. [Original advertisements] for the product used the tagline “The greatest necessity of the age! Gayetty’s medicated paper for the water-closet.”

    Seth Wheeler of Albany, New York, obtained the earliest United States patents for toilet paper and dispensers, the types of which eventually were in common usage in that country.[3]

    The advantages of toilet paper are that it is easy and intuitive to use, fairly absorbent, and it can be flushed in most countries where toilet paper is common. Most modern sewage systems, including septic tanks, can accept toilet paper along with human excreta.

    Toilet paper is available in several types of paper, a variety of colors, decorations, and textures, to appeal to individual preference.

    Toilet paper products vary immensely in the technical factors that distinguish them: sizes, weights, roughness, softness, chemical residues, “finger-breakthrough” resistance, water-absorption, etc. The larger companies have very detailed, scientific market surveys to determine which marketing sectors require/demand which of the many technical qualities. Modern toilet paper may have a light coating of aloe or lotion or wax worked into the paper to reduce roughness. Quality is usually determined by the number of plies (stacked sheets), coarseness, and durability. Low grade institutional toilet paper is typically of the lowest grade of paper, has only one or two plies, is very coarse and sometimes has small amounts of unbleached/unpulped paper embedded in it. Mid-grade two ply is somewhat textured to provide some softness, and is somewhat durable. Premium toilet paper may have lotion and wax, and has two to four plies made of very finely pulped paper.

    Two-ply toilet paper is the standard in many countries, although one-ply is often available and marketed as a budget option, it may also be more appropriate for use in toilets on boats and in camper-vans. Toilet paper, especially if it is marketed as “luxury”, may be quilted or rippled (embossed), perfumed, colored or patterned, medicated (with anti-bacterial chemicals), treated with aloe, etc. Many novelty designs are also available on toilet paper, from cute cartoon animals to pictures of disfavored political celebrities to pictures of dollar bills. Women who are prone to vaginal Candidiasis yeast infections are advised by some medical experts to use white, unperfumed toilet paper.

    Moist toilet paper was first introduced by the Kimberly-Clark in the United Kingdom by Andrex in the 1990s, and in the United States in 2001, two countries in which bidets are rare. It is designed to clean better than dry toilet paper after defecation, and may be useful for women during menstruation.

    The manufacture of toilet paper is a large industry. Twenty-six billion rolls of toilet paper, worth about US$2.4 billion, are sold yearly in America alone. Americans use an average of 23.6 rolls per capita a year.[4]

    [edit] Environmental considerations
    Main article: Criticism of recycling

    Toilet paper is sometimes made from recycled paper; however, large amounts of virgin tree pulp is still used.[5] Environmentally friendly toilet paper may also be unbleached.

    A February 27, 2009 article in The Daily Mail said that more than 98% of the toilet paper used in the United States comes from virgin forests. [6] However, a contradictory February 25, 2009 New York Times article said that between 25% and 50% of the toilet paper used in the United States comes from tree farms in the U.S. and South America, with most of the rest coming from second growth forests, and only a small percentage coming from virgin forests. [4]

    [edit] See also

    * Bidet
    * Defecation
    * Feces
    * Hotel toilet-paper folding
    * Human feces
    * Outhouse
    * Sanitation
    * Toilet
    * Toilet papering

    [edit] Notes

    1. ^ Needham, Volume 5, Part 1, 122.
    2. ^ a b c d e f Needham, Volume 5, Part 1, 123.
    3. ^ The first of note is for the idea of perforating commercial papers (25 July 1871, #117355), the application for which includes an illustration of a perforated roll of paper. On 13 February 1883 he was granted patent #272369, which presented a roll of perforated wrapping or toilet paper supported in the center with a tube. Wheeler also had patents for mounted brackets that held the rolls. See also Joseph Nathan Kane, “Famous First Facts: A Record of First Happenings, Discoveries and Inventions in the United States” (H. W. Wilson: 1964), p. 434; Harper’s Magazine, vol. 184, 1941-1942 (Harper’s Magazine Co.:1941), p. 181; Jules Heller, “Paper Making” (Watson-Guptill:1978), p. 193.
    4. ^ a b “Mr. Whipple Left It Out: Soft Is Rough on Forests” by Leslie Kaufman, The New York Times, Feb. 25, 2009; for the per capita figure only. Retrieved 2-26-09.
    5. ^ “Kimberly-Clark 2005 Sustainability Report page 28”
    6. ^ Luxury toilet paper is more harmful to the environment than gas-guzzling cars, The Daily Mail, February 27, 2009

    * De Beaumont, Sally; Amoret Tanner, Maurice Rickards (2000). Encyclopedia of Ephemera. UK: Routledge. pp. 190–191. ISBN 0415926483.

    [edit] References

    * Needham, Joseph (1986). Science and Civilization in China: Volume 5, Chemistry and Chemical Technology, Part 1, Paper and Printing. Taipei: Caves Books, Ltd.

    [edit] External links
    Sister project Wikimedia Commons has media related to: Toilet paper

    * Answers.com Information
    * The Whole World Toilet Paper Museum
    * The Toilet Paper Problem, Donald E. Knuth, The American Mathematical Monthly, Vol. 91, No. 8 (Oct., 1984), pp. 465-470

    Retrieved from “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper”
    Categories: Paper products | Toilets
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  21. Help us provide free content to the world by donating today!
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    Toilet paper
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Jump to: navigation, search
    For the South Park episode, see Toilet Paper (South Park episode).
    A roll of toilet paper.

    Toilet paper is a soft paper product (tissue paper) used to maintain personal hygiene after human defecation or urination. It differs in composition somewhat from facial tissue, and is designed to decompose in septic tanks, which some other bathroom and facial tissues do not. Most septic tank manufacturers advise against using paper products that are non-septic tank safe. Different names and slang terms are used for toilet paper in countries around the world, including “loo roll/paper,” “toilet roll,” “dunny roll/paper,” “bog roll,” “AP [for all-purpose] paper,” “bathroom/toilet tissue,” “jacks roll”, “TP” or just “tissue.”
    Contents
    [hide]

    * 1 History
    * 2 Modern toilet paper
    * 3 Environmental considerations
    * 4 See also
    * 5 Notes
    * 6 References
    * 7 External links

    [edit] History
    Wooden toilet paper from the Nara period (710 to 784) in Japan. The modern rolls in the background are for size comparison

    Although paper had been known as a wrapping and padding material in China since the 2nd century BC,[1] the first use of toilet paper in human history dates back to the 6th century AD, in early medieval China.[2] In 589 AD the scholar-official Yan Zhitui (531–591) wrote about the use of toilet paper:

    “Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes”.[2]

    During the later Tang Dynasty (618–907 AD) a Muslim traveler to China in the year 851 AD remarked:

    “They (the Chinese) are not careful about cleanliness, and they do not wash themselves with water when they have done their necessities; but they only wipe themselves with paper.”[2]

    During the early 14th century (Yuan Dynasty) it was recorded that in modern-day Zhejiang province alone there was an annual manufacturing of toilet paper amounting in ten million packages of 1,000 to 10,000 sheets of toilet paper each.[2] During the Ming Dynasty (1368–1644 AD), it was recorded in 1393 that 720,000 sheets of toilet paper (two by three feet in size) were produced for the general use of the Imperial court at the capital of Nanjing.[2] From the records of the Imperial Bureau of Supplies (Bao Chao Si) of that same year, it was also recorded that for Emperor Hongwu’s imperial family alone, there were 15,000 sheets of special soft-fabric toilet paper made, and each sheet of toilet paper was even perfumed.[2]

    Elsewhere, wealthy people used wool, lace or hemp for their ablutions, while less wealthy people used their hand when defecating into rivers, or cleaned themselves with various materials such as rags, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize, ferns, may apple plant husks, fruit skins, or seashells, and corn cobs, depending upon the country and weather conditions or social customs. In Ancient Rome, a sponge on a stick was commonly used, and, after usage, placed back in a bucket of saltwater.

    The 16th century French satirical writer François Rabelais in his series of novels Gargantua and Pantagruel, discussing the various ways of cleansing oneself at the toilet, wrote that: “He who uses paper on his filthy bum, will always find his ballocks lined with scum”, proposing that the soft feathers on the back of a live goose provide an optimum cleansing medium.

    In many parts of the world, especially where toilet paper or the necessary plumbing for disposal may be unavailable or unaffordable, toilet paper is not used. Cleansing is then performed with other methods or materials, such as water, for example using a bidet, rags, sand, leaves (including seaweed), corn cobs, animal furs, or sticks.

    As explained here, using water to clean oneself, often along with toilet paper or sometimes in lieu of toilet paper, is common in Europe, most of South America, the Indian subcontinent, and the Muslim world where people use their left hand to clean themselves and their right hand for eating or greeting.
    A print by William Hogarth entitled A Just View of the British Stage from 1724 depicting Robert Wilks, Colley Cibber, and Barton Booth rehearsing a pantomime play with puppets enacting a prison break down a privy. The “play” is comprised of nothing but special effects, and the scripts for Hamlet, inter al., are toilet paper.

    [edit] Modern toilet paper

    Joseph Gayetty is widely credited with being the inventor of modern commercially available toilet paper in the United States. Gayetty’s paper, first introduced in 1857, was available as late as the 1920’s. Gayetty’s Medicated Paper was sold in packages of flat sheets, watermarked with the inventor’s name. [Original advertisements] for the product used the tagline “The greatest necessity of the age! Gayetty’s medicated paper for the water-closet.”

    Seth Wheeler of Albany, New York, obtained the earliest United States patents for toilet paper and dispensers, the types of which eventually were in common usage in that country.[3]

    The advantages of toilet paper are that it is easy and intuitive to use, fairly absorbent, and it can be flushed in most countries where toilet paper is common. Most modern sewage systems, including septic tanks, can accept toilet paper along with human excreta.

    Toilet paper is available in several types of paper, a variety of colors, decorations, and textures, to appeal to individual preference.

    Toilet paper products vary immensely in the technical factors that distinguish them: sizes, weights, roughness, softness, chemical residues, “finger-breakthrough” resistance, water-absorption, etc. The larger companies have very detailed, scientific market surveys to determine which marketing sectors require/demand which of the many technical qualities. Modern toilet paper may have a light coating of aloe or lotion or wax worked into the paper to reduce roughness. Quality is usually determined by the number of plies (stacked sheets), coarseness, and durability. Low grade institutional toilet paper is typically of the lowest grade of paper, has only one or two plies, is very coarse and sometimes has small amounts of unbleached/unpulped paper embedded in it. Mid-grade two ply is somewhat textured to provide some softness, and is somewhat durable. Premium toilet paper may have lotion and wax, and has two to four plies made of very finely pulped paper.

    Two-ply toilet paper is the standard in many countries, although one-ply is often available and marketed as a budget option, it may also be more appropriate for use in toilets on boats and in camper-vans. Toilet paper, especially if it is marketed as “luxury”, may be quilted or rippled (embossed), perfumed, colored or patterned, medicated (with anti-bacterial chemicals), treated with aloe, etc. Many novelty designs are also available on toilet paper, from cute cartoon animals to pictures of disfavored political celebrities to pictures of dollar bills. Women who are prone to vaginal Candidiasis yeast infections are advised by some medical experts to use white, unperfumed toilet paper.

    Moist toilet paper was first introduced by the Kimberly-Clark in the United Kingdom by Andrex in the 1990s, and in the United States in 2001, two countries in which bidets are rare. It is designed to clean better than dry toilet paper after defecation, and may be useful for women during menstruation.

    The manufacture of toilet paper is a large industry. Twenty-six billion rolls of toilet paper, worth about US$2.4 billion, are sold yearly in America alone. Americans use an average of 23.6 rolls per capita a year.[4]

    [edit] Environmental considerations
    Main article: Criticism of recycling

    Toilet paper is sometimes made from recycled paper; however, large amounts of virgin tree pulp is still used.[5] Environmentally friendly toilet paper may also be unbleached.

    A February 27, 2009 article in The Daily Mail said that more than 98% of the toilet paper used in the United States comes from virgin forests. [6] However, a contradictory February 25, 2009 New York Times article said that between 25% and 50% of the toilet paper used in the United States comes from tree farms in the U.S. and South America, with most of the rest coming from second growth forests, and only a small percentage coming from virgin forests. [4]

    [edit] See also

    * Bidet
    * Defecation
    * Feces
    * Hotel toilet-paper folding
    * Human feces
    * Outhouse
    * Sanitation
    * Toilet
    * Toilet papering

    [edit] Notes

    1. ^ Needham, Volume 5, Part 1, 122.
    2. ^ a b c d e f Needham, Volume 5, Part 1, 123.
    3. ^ The first of note is for the idea of perforating commercial papers (25 July 1871, #117355), the application for which includes an illustration of a perforated roll of paper. On 13 February 1883 he was granted patent #272369, which presented a roll of perforated wrapping or toilet paper supported in the center with a tube. Wheeler also had patents for mounted brackets that held the rolls. See also Joseph Nathan Kane, “Famous First Facts: A Record of First Happenings, Discoveries and Inventions in the United States” (H. W. Wilson: 1964), p. 434; Harper’s Magazine, vol. 184, 1941-1942 (Harper’s Magazine Co.:1941), p. 181; Jules Heller, “Paper Making” (Watson-Guptill:1978), p. 193.
    4. ^ a b “Mr. Whipple Left It Out: Soft Is Rough on Forests” by Leslie Kaufman, The New York Times, Feb. 25, 2009; for the per capita figure only. Retrieved 2-26-09.
    5. ^ “Kimberly-Clark 2005 Sustainability Report page 28”
    6. ^ Luxury toilet paper is more harmful to the environment than gas-guzzling cars, The Daily Mail, February 27, 2009

    * De Beaumont, Sally; Amoret Tanner, Maurice Rickards (2000). Encyclopedia of Ephemera. UK: Routledge. pp. 190–191. ISBN 0415926483.

    [edit] References

    * Needham, Joseph (1986). Science and Civilization in China: Volume 5, Chemistry and Chemical Technology, Part 1, Paper and Printing. Taipei: Caves Books, Ltd.

    [edit] External links
    Sister project Wikimedia Commons has media related to: Toilet paper

    * Answers.com Information
    * The Whole World Toilet Paper Museum
    * The Toilet Paper Problem, Donald E. Knuth, The American Mathematical Monthly, Vol. 91, No. 8 (Oct., 1984), pp. 465-470

    Retrieved from “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper”
    Categories: Paper products | Toilets
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    Like

  22. dbass:
    >>the events you’ve listed are “America-centered” because you’re in America, yet they would be almost exactly the same things everybody else around the world would’ve said. <<

    Actually, that’s not really correct.

    On the first list:
    Only three items were of chiefly American concern.
    One item was chiefly of concern to Israel.
    Three items were global events. Apple and Microsoft may both be American companies, but Windows and iPhones concern everyone.

    On the second list:
    -Though technically American cincema, the lord of the rings movies were global events involving at least four countries that I can name off the top of my head in production and nearly every country with geeks in it at release.
    -Last I checked, the Sistine Chapel is in Italy, and probably a global concern in the “wonders of the world” category.
    -World War I was chiefly of concern to europe. America’s involvement was brief and peripheral.
    -Windows, again is American software, but of global concern.
    -The remaining events are chiefly of american concern, but I might qualify the empire state building and firefly as Wonders of the World, thus making them global in concern.

    Out of fourteen items, only perhaps six are of chiefly american concern. That’s only some 42%, significantly less than half, and thus not forming a majority, though being a major (I wouldn’t say central) part of the list.

    Like

  23. @BB: If that was at me, you’re humor honestly sucks. Elsewise, I’m fairly sure left-wing virginal faggots would take offense at that, m’boy. Better liven up now, the large rodents are coming for you.

    Like

  24. Someone should compile a list of things that have happened since the xkcd blog was last updated.

    Like

  25. Jedibear, Firefly doesn’t just qualify as a wonder of the world, each of its individual episodes are wonders in themselves. Therefore, Firefly, is 14 Wonders plus a movie.

    Like

  26. You know, I used to think Papyrus was pretty darn cool. I used on parchment background and stuff…. Then one of my english teachers used it.
    You know what’s cool? Openclassic. One of my main points of contention with Office 2007 is that it (my version, at least) does NOT INCLUDE Openclassic. What’s with that? I had to get it off the internet. I have enough problems downloading asian fonts… don’t need any getting European.

    Like

  27. I used to like Papryus quite a bit. Then the world started to use it. And over use it. Then it was D: every time it was used, especially in overabundance.

    There was a casino I went to that used Papryus as the font to label EVERYTHING in the casino. My heart cried a little inside when I saw that.

    Like

  28. Regarding the strip… That’s scary shit. I just realized that Meyer has the power to sic literally millions of rabid fans upon virtually anyone she pleases by inserting a few sentences in a rushed, badly-written, teenage pulp novel. Publishing of an author of her popularity goes fast, and every single one of her fans is practically guaranteed to read a new book within a week. And instantly be obsessed with it, and if that involves overthrowing, say, the world banking system, then there goes the world banking system. Like a zombie net, almost. A DDOS in real life. Twilight is a much scarier book now.
    I believe it was King who said “Like J.K. Rowling, except J.K. Rowling can write.” Or something to that effect.

    Like

  29. y u do dis sir ? : <<<< /b/ is the filtration system that keeps the rest of 4chan from sucking so much and you broke that shit. theres porn and scat everywhere, its like someone raped a sewer main with a wrench.

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