Since last night I’ve been obsessively connecting to Omegle.
It’s a simple site that just connects you to a random person, anonymously, for a conversation.
It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.
Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.
Still, it’s fun!
xkcd 
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: hii
Stranger: where are you from?
You: the internet, just like you
Stranger: …
Stranger: asl?
You: dsl, is faster
Stranger: nice try
Stranger: age, sex, location?
You: 19, YES, 127.0.0.1
Stranger: ok
Stranger: fuck you
You: fuck: need to be root
Stranger: sudo fuck you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
You: do you have anything you want to confess?
Stranger: Yes, actually.
You: something you want to get off your chest without any consequences? Go ahead
Stranger: Well, there was this one time
Stranger: When I was just so pissed off
Stranger: And my daughter comes into the room
Stranger: And she asks “Daddy, can we play?”
Stranger: and I was just so pissed off
Stranger: So I said
Stranger: “Yeah. Yeah we can play.”
Stranger: And then I raped her.
Stranger: She’s buried under the patio.
Stranger: I’m waiting for the police to find me.
Stranger: Now you say something.
You: I’m a cop with an online task force
You: Your IP address has been logged
Stranger: Well shit.
Stranger: Nice to meet a fellow troll.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: ermm..hi
Stranger: hi!!!
Stranger: where are you from, guy?
You: :).. ok.. this is just too weird.. weirder than IRC
You: i liven on teh interwebs
You: or maybe you’re just a bot.. how would I now
Stranger: where is the teh interwebs
You: or know even.. 🙂 typos to keep it human
You: you’re in it!
Stranger: are you kidding?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: a/s/l you fuck?
You: 63/male undead/azeroth
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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I decided to be the captain. From Zero Wing.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: What happen ?
Stranger: mum said i should never talk to strangers
You: What !
Stranger: mum said i shouldnt talk to strangers!
You: It’s you !!
Stranger: i am the dark prince
You: What you say !!
Stranger: what be black
Stranger: ooooooooooops
You: Take off every ‘ZIG’!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
okay, didn’t last long.
Tried again, next one was a lame ascii troll, so it lasted longer but achieved less. Ran out of captain lines so I went back to the start and did the ones i skipped. Not going to bother including it. Not much in the next one either:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: What happen ?
Stranger: life happened
You: What !
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
This person tried to be clever:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: What happen ?
Stranger: sorry
You: What !
Stranger: my comp froze
You: It’s you !!
Stranger: who else
You: What you say !!
Stranger: not much
You: Take off every ‘ZIG’!!
Stranger: negative
You: You know what you doing.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Next person tried to figure it out and played along in ignorance. Got sick of me eventually:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: What happen ?
Stranger: I came wbu
You: What !
Stranger: Did u not finish
You: It’s you !!
Stranger: Holy shit it is me
You: What you say !!
Stranger: Its above ur last post
Stranger: ]
You: Take off every ‘ZIG’!!
Stranger: ZIG…?
You: You know what you doing.
Stranger: Docking with my dog
You: Move ‘ZIG’.
Stranger: Zig….whats tht
You: For great justice.
Stranger: Dude im lost
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: Oh yes i like this
Stranger: are u terminator
You: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Stranger: and….
You: We get signal.
Stranger: We send out air force
You: Main screen turn on.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Hmm, I’ll try for the whole thing next time.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Instakill! Let’s try this again…
Yes, a twofer!
Now I’ll try skipping that line and doing the whole script including who’s speaking. This person didn’t have much to say. At the end they stopped replying so I continued to the end, then pasted the wikipedia link and disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Captain: What happen ?
Stranger: ?
You: Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Stranger: –
You: Operator: We get signal.
Stranger: – –
You: Captain: What !
Stranger: what?
You: Operator: Main screen turn on.
You: Captain: It’s you !!
Stranger: – –
You: CATS: How are you gentlemen !!
Stranger: ???
You: CATS: All your base are belong to us.
Stranger: its a joke?
You: CATS: You are on the way to destruction.
etc…
Okay, back to the old standby:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: hi
You: Captain: What happen ?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
ha!
Next person just said ‘cool?’ and no response after that so I gave up.
After that, a little more fun, but more criticism than fun.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: cool
You: Captain: What happen ?
Stranger: what happened?
You: Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
You: Operator: We get signal.
Stranger: oh my god
You: Captain: What !
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Stranger: your introduction is really boring
You: Captain: It’s you !!
Stranger: i wish to stay but you cant amuse me
sorry
You[I get frantic and this point and paste as quickly as possible]: CATS: How are you gentlemen !!
You: CATS: All your base are belong to us.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
dang.
The next person seemed slightly more interesting so I chose my lines a little more carefully. Didn’t help.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: i’m the one who likes to make love on the floor.
You: What happen ?
Stranger: we die.
You: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Stranger: you’re da bomb.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Next one wasn’t interested:
Stranger: heyy
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: i am looking for this guy, are you the taurus guy who lives in toronto
*partner disconnect*
During the next one, I felt the need to break character and actually chat for the first time. Interesting convo…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: ….go on.
You: What happen ?
Stranger: >_>
You: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Stranger: *switched to movie anouncer voice*
Stranger: A man without a purpose…
You: We get signal.
Stranger: Roaming the land.
Stranger: FOR SALVATION.
You: What !
Stranger: AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
You: Main screen turn on.
Stranger: FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY YEAH!
You: It’s you !!
Stranger: Says who?
You: How are you gentlemen !!
Stranger: NIGGER.
You: All your base are belong to us.
Stranger: /b/ is cancerous.
You: You are on the way to destruction.
Stranger: And you are it.
Stranger: The game.
Stranger: You lose it.
You: *sigh*
You: Okay, that’s the first non-AYB thing I’ve said on omegle.
Stranger: Lol.
Stranger: Damn straight.
You: Australian, xkcd actually.
Stranger: Cool.
Stranger: You from CE?
You: Social experiment.
CE? I don’t recognise that acronym.
Stranger: Oh, social experiment.
Stranger: And nevermind.
You: the all-your-base thing
You: Seeing how quickly people disconnect.
Stranger: When the ask for asl
Stranger: say 40/h/utah
You: No one has yet!
Stranger: they ALWAYS disconnect
You: I’ve talked to like 8 people and no one has
Stranger: Lol.
You: Maybe ten
Stranger: You have to be lude.
Stranger: AND RUDE
You: That’s just not my style.
Stranger: if its a chick, ask her if she wants to know what chloroform smells like.
You: lol
You: I can only do weirdly geeky.
Stranger: Then ask is the liek mudkips.
Stranger: if
Stranger: they >_>
Stranger: Anyways.
Stranger: bigger fish to fry
Stranger: cya broskiz
You: yeah
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Next person was also familiar with Zero Wing on some level, but had other interests.
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: cock waffles
You: What happen ?
Stranger: Someone set us up the bomb!!
You: We get signal.
Stranger: Main screen turn on!
You: It’s you !!
Stranger: Evening, Gentlemen.
Stranger: All your cock waffles are belong to us.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Next one was an insta-kill! And the next. going for a hat-trick
YES! SCORE!
Next one has turned into an ongoing interesting conversation…
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That was a great convo, but either they really did have to disconnect in order to eat lunch, or my philosophizing eventually scared them off. (I say ‘them’ because all I know is this person said Australia was distant and is 20. And has never stolen anything, ever, no exceptions, not even something small.) Pity. But I did link to this blag page, so there’s a slight chance this person might find this Reply. Doubtful. Oh, and I got another two 2101 insta-kills plus this gem:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: INTERRUPTING DISCONNECTION SAYS HI.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
next person started out in caps, then turned sane briefly before degenerating into weird japanese (or else google’s translation was weird, i suspect both)
Next was kinda fun:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Stranger: olá
You: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Stranger: in 2101 im dead
Stranger: so i dont to nem ai
You: in 2101, I’m Still Alive
You: look at me, still talking when there’s science to do
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
hey, that gives me an idea….
*tries… first person just says ‘hey’ and ‘what happens’ before disconnecting after a long delay after I got up to ‘the ones who are dead’.
*tries again*
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: This was a triumph
Stranger: get over it
*they disconnect*
ha
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: This was a triumph
Stranger: r u american
You: I am not
You: I’m making a note here
HUGE SUCCESS!
Stranger: well then i sure ur a success if u r not american
You: It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Stranger: add me keeper_of_solitude@hotmail.com
You: Aperture Science We do what we must Because we can
You: (I might)
Stranger: yay^^
You: For the good of all of us Except the ones who are dead
Stranger: that science sounds well fine
You: thanks.
You: But there’s no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying ’til you run out of cake.
You: And the science gets done And you make a neat gun For the people who are still alive
You: so… I guess you aren’t American either?
You: unless you’re one who simply doesn’t like any of the others
Stranger: no not american
You: northern or southern hemisphere?
Stranger: southern
You: ditto
You: hmm, that has a decent amount of africa in it, most of south america, and ‘Australasia’
You: and lots and lots of little islands
You: and antarctica, but the odds of you being there a low, due to the cold and such
Stranger: aus
You: me too
You: how’d ya find omegle?
Stranger: lol
Stranger: friend told me
You: i found it from the xkcd blag
You: http://blag.xkcd.com/2009/04/03/omegle
You: and you will have noticed, I added you, even though I have *no* idea who you are besides being australian 😀
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Of course, I got totally punked, and ended up warning some random person who has never used omegle that they are likely to get their msn account overcome with lots of people who think they met on omegle…
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Let’s try the new comic for a spin…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Stranger: WHA
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Yay, I totally aced that!
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after a second insta-death on the ‘druid doth’, and then a painful convo with someone who was using google translate to go from korean to english (seemed to be in commercial school, was definitely learning photoshop, and despite me being annoyingly condescending somehow ended up liking me and wanted my email – i didn’t give it), I got this ‘gem’:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Stranger: and your pinus has grown down three centimetres
You: epic english fail!
Stranger: i don’t care
You: try “shrunk” not “grown down” next time
Stranger: i’m bad at english but i have a big dick
Stranger: not like you
You: well you still fail at life
You: hahaha
Stranger: mister tiny dick
Stranger: do you like pineapple??
You: hm. it’s alright.
You: assuming you mean literal pineapple
Stranger: whjat do you prefere, pineapple or pancake??
You: that’s like comparing apples and oranges
You: i once invented a machine to comapre apples and oranges…
Stranger: what do you prefere, apple or orange??¡¡
You: but it was a lemon!
Stranger: ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡
Stranger: that’s fucking amazing¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡
You: i prefer apple… but i have an orange on my desk which i should really eat soon
Stranger: yes you should
You: yeah… i have like a zillion jokes all ending with ‘it was a lemon’ it’s a running joke at my house
Stranger: if you din’t, it would shrunk, like your pinus
You: i’m thinking of making tshirts
You: .
You: oops
You: and that was my hand bashing the keyboard by mistake
Stranger: i hope you are having fun whith your lemmon
Stranger: y have a friend, it’s a popcorn
Stranger: do you know any popcorn??
You: Pinus actually means pine trees!
You: and i have big pine trees
Stranger: exactly
Stranger: and i’m glade of it
You: i was barking up the wrong tree
Stranger: no, you were sucking off the wrong pussy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
amazing what passes for conversation. and I’m stumped for more tree puns. Next person stuck around long enough for some advertising:
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Stranger: hey
Stranger: xD
Stranger: wow?
You: xkcd
Stranger: ?
You: never played wow
You: http://xkcd.com/
Stranger: xkcd whats that
You: a comic
Stranger: o
Stranger: well……..
Your conversational partner has disconnected. You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Stranger: hey
Stranger: guy?
Stranger: or girl?
*they disconnect* I waited too long trying to think of a funny reply.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Your conversational partner has disconnected. Win!
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Stranger: yo *they disconnect*
Next one was Chinese, ended up a decent conversation. told me to be optimistic and careful about the swine flu. I now try a new tactic:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Human or raptor?
Stranger: human
You: hmm…
You: can you open doors?
Stranger: are you from russia
You: I am not from russia.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
What’s wrong with not being from russia?
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Human or raptor?
Stranger: Raptor
You: ahhhhhhh!
Stranger: run run
Stranger: hahhaha
You: *whips out grape juice gun*
Stranger: nooooo
You: yes!
Stranger: my time to ruuuuuuuuuun
Stranger: ahhhhhhhhhh
You: indeeed!
You: and there is only one exit…
Stranger: no no no please dont hurt me … i will baby sit you children
You: nope
Stranger: actually your children
You: ommminous hummmmm
You: i don’t have any children
Stranger: i will baby sit you
You: my friends have you surrounded
Stranger: and try to eat your leg at night
You: the only escape is the swimming pool
Stranger: ahhhhhh
Stranger: i cant swim
You: it’s shallow
Stranger: dont do this to me
You: just enough that you can jump in and out again
Stranger: i dont like water
You: flee or taste grapey death!
You: what will it be?
Stranger: ahhhh
Stranger: you are a bad human
You: i’m giving you a chance to run
You: or wade, as the case may be
Stranger: I am running dont shoot
You: okay
Stranger: *runs and then jumps back at you*
You: hahahaha the pool was full of grape juice!
Stranger: i jumped at you
Stranger: now i will eat you
You: yeah, you are a very lucky raptor
Stranger: hahahhahaha
You: ahh, but i’ve been eating grapes!
Stranger: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
You: if you eat me, you eat grape juice 😛
Stranger: grappppeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssss
Stranger: ahhhhhhhhh
You: we both die painfully
Stranger: ahhhHHhhhh!!!
Stranger: *dies*
You: *mad scientist brings us back as cyborgs*
Stranger: i am terminator
You: i fly away
You: with python
You: and crash into a kite
Stranger: and i will terminate all grape juice factories
Stranger: hahahahahha
You: my AI turns evil from the crash
You: i offer to team up with your factory crushing
Stranger: ok
You: we will make the world safe for the remaining flesh-raptors!
You: i see the error of my grapey ways
Stranger: hha
Stranger: bye gotta go
You: and the dark side has cookies
You: bye
Stranger: it was great chat
You: yup
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
SCORE!!!! I knew I’d find another fan eventually.
captcha: In enjoying
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You: Human or raptor?
Stranger: raptor?
Stranger: wtf is that
You: don’t play innocent!
Stranger: lol?
Stranger: u my friend
Stranger: are crazy
You: So I’ve been told
You: but it pays to be careful
You: you never know where there raptors may lurk
You: because they lurk extremely fast
Stranger: wtf is a raptor
You: as in Velociraptor
Stranger: a fucking dinosour?
Stranger: retard…
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Perhaps, but at least I’m still alive
next one… responded well to raptors and turned out to be a girl. A sensible one too. Sometimes Omegle works out alright.
I should really find somewhere else to put my social commentaries…
captcha: to trap
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hi.
Stranger: how are you?
Stranger: its not a hard question..
You: Never been better.
You: Listen up, if you’re asking me for asl, you’re lame. There’s plenty of chat rooms over the internet where you know everything about the people you chat with, you can even see their blogs and photos. Omegle is anonymous, so if you want my asl, better to roll back, ok?
Stranger: But now I don’t know how to begin!
You: Ask some weird question, say something funny. The world is so wide. You have the opportunity to yell to the world whatever you want without consequences. Isn’t this the best thing possible?
Stranger: so what’s ur name?
You: Call me Hat Guy.
Stranger: from?
You: You’re start losing! I’m from the Internet.
Stranger: what the fuck are you talking about??!! its a chat room.. what can we talk if we don’t know our asl?
You: ok, man you lose
You have disconnected.
Captcha: smoothed units
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: the internet is full of idiots
Stranger: Allah rules the World!
You: are you one of them?
Stranger: no
You: prove it
Stranger: give me question
Stranger: and praise Allah
You: first of all
You: are you actually muslim
Stranger: yes
You: fine…
Stranger: i live in Egypt
You: oh
Stranger: you?
You: what did you think of obama’s speech?
You: america
Stranger: good
Stranger: Obama good for America
Stranger: he one of us
You: do you think he will help to improve relations between the US and egypt, iran, the rest of the middle east?
Stranger: egypt does not like most of the middle east, they give us bad image
Stranger: Obama is one of us
Stranger: he is Muslim, he will do good
You: mmm… actually, he’s not muslim. he’s christian
Stranger: Barack is muslim name, he is one of us
Stranger: so is husein
You: he has a muslim name, but he does not follow islam. he is a christian
Stranger: you wish
You: …well, he is the president of my country
You: so i’m pretty sure i’m right
You: sorry 🙂
Stranger: you are just dumb american
You: well
You: US-Egypt relations won’t improve much with people like you around…
Stranger: we not want US
Stranger: AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIA!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: you are a troll, aren’t you?
Stranger: AHmed Nazif is better than Obama!
Stranger: what is troll?
You: when was the last time you had an election in egypt?
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: Few years ago
Stranger: 2004
You: who were the candidates?
Stranger: * Hosni Mubarak of the National Democratic Party
* Numan Gumaa of the New Wafd Party
* Ayman Nour of the Tomorrow Party
Also contending are:
* Osama Shaltut of the Solidarity Party
Ibrahim Turk of the Democratic Union PartyAhmad al-Sabahi
Rifaat al-Agrudi
Fawzi Ghaza
Mamduh Qinawi
Wahid al-Uqsuri
Stranger: you are dumb
Stranger: you elected Bush
Stranger: and almost that moron Palin
You: well i didnt
You: i cant vote yet
Stranger: age?
You: 17
Stranger: 32
Stranger: i work with Egypt before you even born
You: yes, that’s true
Stranger: you are going to die in your countries pointless war in Iraq
You: i don’t plan on joining the army
Stranger: you will be forced by the tyranny of AMerica!
You: well we dont have a draft yet, thankfully
You: what do you think about human rights in egypt?
Stranger: better than yours
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
Stranger: ????? ???????!
You: what does that mean?
Stranger: guess
Stranger: i throw my shoe at you!
You: death to america?
You: why do you say that?
Stranger: America is tyranny!
Stranger: AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAAIAIAIAIAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: Praise Allah!
Stranger: AIAIAIAAAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAAIAIA!!!!!!!!!!
You: how do you know that america is tyranny?
You: have you been here?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: sent for business
Stranger: Mahmoud needed order of supplies
You: uh
You: Mahmoud Abbas?
Stranger: no Mahoud al-Waksi
Stranger: he my how you say ‘boss’
Stranger: Abbas with PNA
Stranger: al-Waksi with Hamas
Stranger: not really i just kid
Stranger: we work in automobile industry
Stranger: we needed tires
Stranger: Mahmoud common name
Stranger: Just like Mohammed or Ahmed
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Your druid doth lose two points.
Stranger: what?
Stranger: ?
Stranger: ?????????
Stranger: tell me
Stranger: ?????
You: who’s up for a game of druids and dicotyledons
You: http://xkcd.com/593/
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: hi (:
You: so i think this is my favorite omegle headline:
You: “Omegle lets you have unfulfilling chats with strangers”
Stranger: right.
You: it’s an interesting idea or whatever
You: but i think mostly it makes me wish i had the chutzpah to have more random conversations in real life
Stranger: Okay, u r weird.
Stranger: c’u
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Well i guess it would be nice
Stranger: Hi
You: If i could touch your body,
Stranger: asl?
Stranger:wtF?!
You:cause you know not everybody, has got a body like you
Your conversational partner has disconnected
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: hey there
Stranger: *I put on my wizard hat and robe*
Stranger: whats up
You: are you from xkcd?
You: please?
Stranger: what?
Stranger: xkcd?
You: oh sorry, nevermind
You: :
Stranger: 😦
You: just…got my hopes up for a second
Stranger: I know how you can make it up for me
You: yeah?
Stranger: *unfastens belt*
You: by steaming your belt?
You: well that’s odd and I’m not a professional, but sure
Stranger: *unbuttons pants*
You: does your robe have a belt?
Stranger: *unzips*
Stranger: this goddamn zipper neverworks and I need help with it
Stranger: ya im wearing jeans under my robe
You: oh, come on. The internet is filled with porn and you come here?
Stranger: I’ll give you $15 to mend it
You: that’s better
You: $20 and it’s a deal
Stranger: >_>
Stranger: $22.50
Stranger: and you shine my hat too
You: good bargaining skills. I’ll take it!
Stranger: I’ll through in $6 if you shine my cat too
Stranger: *thro
Stranger: w
Stranger: lulz
You: haha, misspell of a correction
You: How dull is your cat though?
Stranger: its pretty scruffy
Stranger: you’re gonna need a couple of bottles of windex
You: hmm…I’ll think about it
You: but for now, I have to say you are the most interesting person I’ve talked to here. and I salute you
You: My faith in humanity has been restored
Stranger: *Does that weird star trek hand sign*
You: Same to you, It’s been an honor
Stranger: BEAM ME UP SCOTTY
Stranger: over and out
You: There goes one of the craziest people in internetom
You: well, crazy in a good way
You: there are plenty of crazy dumb though
Stranger: Stranger is typing…
Stranger: yep
You: you sly dog
Stranger: see ya later dude… possibly
You: I can only hope
************
Wow, after slogging through tons of boredom I find this guy. I’m fulfilled now
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I’ve been reading quotes from omegle on http://www.zomegle.com since omegle launched. There is some epic conversational lollery right there.
Also, I can’t believe the guy who created omegle is only 18 – kid’s going to go far!
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Stranger: hi
Stranger: 17 m usa
You: did you vote BNP?
Stranger: whats bnp
You: who you voted for in the european elections
You: you dirty racist
Stranger: wtf r u talking about
Stranger: i didnt vote for that shit
You: you voted BNP. i can tell
Stranger: i dont even fucking know what the fuck that is
You: it’s your fault there are now two BNP MEPs
You: who want to racist everything up
You: why do you hate asians?
You: what have muslims ever done to you?
You: can’t you be tolerant of the poles and czechs?
Stranger: what the fuck are you talking about white ass
You: that is exactly the kind of racist rubbish i expect you to say
Stranger: i dont fucking care what muslism have done to asians
You: so you only care about white british people. bastard.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello, welcome to Pizza Hut. How can I help you today?
Stranger: e
You: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.
Stranger: Pizza Hut is a place to eat pizza?
You: Yes, it is. Can I take an order?
Stranger: one country to another country
Stranger: ?
You: We do delivery, yes.
You: 30 minutes or less, or your pizza is free.
Stranger: unbeliveable
You: So, what would you like?
Stranger: i cant belive
Stranger: 3 pizza
Stranger: how can you send
You: Usually we arrive by car. What would you like on the pizzas?
Stranger: ““““`
You: What toppings?
Stranger: insect
You: Alright, and anything to drink with that?
Stranger: cola
You: Alright. I’ve got three large Insect Lover’s Pizzas, and one regular Coca Cola. Anything else?
Stranger: nothing
Stranger: you by plane?
You: Alright, Your order comes to $35.95, we should have someone over shortly.
You: Have a nice day.
Stranger: thank you
You have disconnected.
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You: Hello, do you like flying kites?
Stranger: yes
You: So do I. Isn’t it wonderful! So freeing!
Stranger: yeah!!!!!11
You: Sometimes I like to imagine that I am the kite, riding the stormy breezes…
You: Then I proceed to imagine getting struck by lightning.
Stranger: lol
You: It sucks, but I keep doing it. So sad 😦
Stranger: oh!!
Stranger: age?
You: age: requires root access
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I think I helped this person, a bit. Maybe.
Stranger: hello
You: Hello.
You: Do you read poetry?
Stranger: sometimes
You: I don’t.
You: Sometimes I write though.
You: When I feel the urge to.
Stranger: would you care to share
You: I don’t keep any of it
You: Honestly, it means so little to me
You: Just a passing urge to write something
Stranger: oh
Stranger: lol
Stranger: its still a good outlet
You: I suppose so.
You: But then again, so is architecture.
You: I love buildings.
Stranger: ❤ u
Stranger: i dreamt of designing my own home
Stranger: trap doors and such
You: Ah, the venerable trap doo
You: So forgotten in our modern times
You: Of stereotypical, efficient, living.
You: Can fun living not be efficient?
You: When I was a child, I imagined a trap door from my room right into the kitchen
You: How cool would that be?
Stranger: haha yeah
Stranger: OMG
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i always wanted an open up library shelf
You: YES!
You: With the one book with the button in it.
Stranger: and like…a secret door next to a door
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: um..the amazing jonathan
Stranger: he had a tour of his house
Stranger: hes a comedian magician
Stranger: he has a painting of a cow…and if you press against eh picture…milk comes out
Stranger: I WANTED IT SOOO MUCH
You: That is amazing.
You: Milk freshness is a problem, though.
Stranger: lol yeah
You: For curiosity’s sake, how old are you?
Stranger: oh my asl
Stranger: der
Stranger: 19.m.usa
You: What state?
Stranger: south carolina
You: I’m 16, male, and I live in Pennsylvania.
You: I drove through SC earlier this year
You: It was beautiful, but HOT.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: its never hot here
Stranger: XD
Stranger: im a texan kid though
Stranger: omg i wish i was in pennsylvania..for all the wrong reasons
You: I’m originally from NY, to be honest.
You: What wrong reasons, my friend?
Stranger: um…
You: A girl, perhaps?
Stranger: theres a mom i met there
Stranger: XD
Stranger: shes like 28
You: Aha
Stranger: hahaha
You: MILF, eh?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: we crush on each other alot
You: Good luck to you
Stranger: XD
Stranger: sad we met on here
You: On Omegle? Seriously?
Stranger: apparently she sees this guy in her neighborhood that looks like me
Stranger: and she blushes when she sees him
Stranger: i lol’d when she told me
Stranger: XD
You: I met my first real girlfriend on Runescape, believe it or not.
Stranger: epic
You: I hate her now, though, but, ya know.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: its runescape…filled with hate
You: Yeah
You: You’re 19, so you have your license, right?
You: Drive up to meet her. It’s the best thing you can do to keep your relationship alive.
You: If she’s blushing when she sees a guy that looks like you, that means she has a serious thing for you.
You: Go for it.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: um…relationship
You: It’s there.
You: Trust me.
Stranger: dude..shes married
Stranger: and has a kid
You: So?
You: Seriously, drive up to MEET her.
Stranger: wow i like you already
You: Hang out for a weekend, a week, whatever.
You: It’s one of the best things you can do
Stranger: lol no
Stranger: shes not very…faithful in her mind
Stranger: the only thing keeping her straight is her daughter
Stranger: she wishes she wasn’t married and such
Stranger: XD
You: If you were to drive up there, tell her, beforehand, clearly, and concisely, that you have no intentions of making it sexual.
You: At all.
You: Even if you do.
You: It’ll keep her faithful, hopefully, and it’ll keep you out of the dog-house.
Stranger: nope
You: Plus, you’ll fap a lot better when she’s there near you.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: we already said if we met we would do stuff sadly
Stranger: XD
You: Ahhhh
You: Well, that’d be a problem.
You: A friend of mine once told me, “Guns don’t kill people – Husbands who come home early do.”
Stranger: so what your poetry be about
Stranger: lol yeah
You: Anything, really.
Stranger: um…camping
Stranger: she camps alot with freinds
Stranger: XD
You: There’s your chance, if you want it.
You: If you want her, go for her, regardless of consequences. Forget the safety nets of society, and just fall for a little while.
You: After all, it’s not the falling that kills you.
You: It’s the stopping.
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– Lol, this is entertaining. ^^ Thank you XKCD!
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
You: Hello.
Stranger: Frm?
You: Wet Beaver Creek – Australia
Stranger: 19 F India
Stranger: Wht is ur name?
You: Ben Dover.
You: Yours?
Stranger: Wht u do?
Stranger: Piya
You: I hunt Beavers.
Stranger: Oh
Stranger: I m student
Stranger: R u there
You: Yes I am, so what do you study?
Stranger: Commerce
Stranger: 2nd yr
Stranger: Tell me something abt u.
Stranger: U hav gf?
You: Well, I’m really into Beavers. I like them best shaved.
You: No, I’m not so keen on going steady.
Stranger: Wht is time there?
You: Party time! ^^ And you are invited.
Stranger: Thanks.
You: You are welcome. Address is Myp Ants.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
– It took the poor girl some time to catch my drift! ^^
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I like to dissect girls.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
HEADSHOT!
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: xkcd?
Stranger: what the fck is that
You: -_-‘
You have disconnected.
Shame on them.
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Wow. I actually just back into this after introducing a friend to xkcd (who subsequently read the blogs and got obsessed). Met someone around my age from across the atlantic who im now talking to regularly. Still, quite fun to just troll people (with the occasional “COCKS!”) as stress relief.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Greetings.
Stranger: hey
You: 4/x = 5, x = ?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
Stranger: ima girl
Stranger: lol
You: The turds are singing!
Stranger: yay!
You: The toilets are flushing!
You: Oh no! The turds were all killed!
Stranger: oh noes!
You: Only one brown/yellow one remains!
You: He’s fighting agenst the powerful currents!
You: Oops… got flushed…
Stranger: oh no..:(
Stranger: RIP brownyellow
You: RIP.
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: cyber?
You: xkcd!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: The turds are singing!
Stranger: ?
You: XKCD?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I suck turds!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl?
You: Define “asl”.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: THe eihruhoh
Stranger: hi
You: HeH
You: ll
You: o
Stranger: gremiooooooo
You: Fooooood
You: >:[
You: :-]
You: >:-)
Stranger: ronaldo
You: <:-)
Stranger: CADE O CHINELO?
Stranger: you have my chinelo?
You: THE PIGS FOOD DANCING IN SHIT!
Stranger: cade o chinelo porra
You: lfjehkgu gtotjetguoh et etgoiht
You: FUcky fycky fucky!
You: OMEGLE!
You: XKCD!
You: I FOUND OMEGLE ON XKCD!
You: xkcdsucks is the worst blog ever
You: but i like xkcd
You: u??
You: FOOD IS GOOD!! HAHA
You: PIGS ARE FOOD
Stranger: olha a festa macaco
torcida h coraçao
quem naum canta eh amargo
You: PIGD ARE DOOG
Stranger: nunca vai sai campeao
You: jjjjjffffjfjfjfjf
Stranger: inter cagao inter cagao
You: fjowfowk rgkrpw rpklw
Stranger: intercagao inter cagao
You: Fokef erf3kprk rprlf
Stranger: ndwdak
You: fijefe
Stranger: wefwe
You: ekfpe
Stranger: f
You: f
Stranger: we
You: we
You: are
Stranger: frwe
Stranger: rw
You: frwe
You: re
You: rw
Stranger: r
You: effeff fefe efe
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: rr
You: rr
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: rr
You: rr
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
You: r
Stranger: r
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: I dissect people!
You: Can I dissect you?
Stranger: yes sir
You: Ok, good. Where shall we meet?
Stranger: tonight
Stranger: behind big lot
Stranger: bring cigarettes
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: WINDOWS 7!
Stranger: ?
You: vista?
You: xp?
Stranger: ?
You: os x?
You: whats your os?
You: common!
Stranger: why do you want to know?
You: win 2000?
You: I must know!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: want sex”?
You: uh…
Stranger: hmale?
Stranger: male?
You: umale?
Stranger: girl?
You: food?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: !
You: X
You: K
You: C
D
Stranger: ?
You: Do you know what that is?
You: Do you know XKCD?
Stranger: no
You: http://blag.xkcd.com/2009/04/03/omegle/comment-page-14/#comment-28838
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi, where u from
You: ass turd calafornia
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Do you know XKCD?
Stranger: honk ???
You: No, XKCD.
Stranger: what’s XKCD ??
You: http://blag.xkcd.com/2009/04/03/omegle/comment-page-14/#comment-28840
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Stranger: spam 😀
You: xkcd.com
You: Look at the last comment
You: .
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: )
You: I eat dicks!
Stranger: oh how
Stranger: do tell.
You: Cook them in the microwave.
You: Mmmmm mmmm good.
Stranger: sounds like it
Stranger: any sauce?
You: Tarter sauce is good.
Stranger: noted
Stranger: thanks for the advice, anon!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I eat dicks!
Stranger: good
You: You eat dicks?
Stranger: no
You: They are tasty!
Stranger: I’m sure they are
You: Wan’t to try one?
You: *want
Stranger: no thanks
You: Why not?
Stranger: because I hate you
You: Why?
Stranger: because you eat dicks
You: Can I eat your dick?
Stranger: no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i am into necrophelia
You: That’s seriously disturbing.
Stranger: can i kill u and fuck the body
You: If you want HIV.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: patrick?
You: David?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I eat dick turds.
Stranger: hows the taste?
You: If you met anyone who said that to you face-to-face, what would you do?
Stranger: the same thing i asked u now
You: Regardless of potential physical threat from this ostensibly insane stranger?
You: I doubt it.
Stranger:
Stranger: you’re male or female?
You: Male.
Stranger: of course
You: Why?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
You: PC or Mac?
Stranger: PC
You: Windows or Linux?
Stranger: Am I taking a survey? Linux.
You: Ubuntu?
Stranger: No.
You: Debian?
Stranger: Nope.
You: What distribution, then?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Penius
Stranger: where are you from?
You: Penius?
Stranger: where is it?
You: In penius!
Stranger: oh, I don’t know that country. Sorry, I’m from Korea
You: Is that in penius too?
Stranger: no, it is in Asia
You: …which is in penius?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: where are you from?
You: Hello turd blossom.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi als
You: I am happy.
You: Are you happy?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey ASL?
You: yeah FTP?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: The shits are singing!
Stranger: what the hell
You: XKCD!
You: Come on! Get your xkcd going!
You: Lets go!
You: Randall Munroe is waiting!
Stranger: go where?
You: To a happy place!
Stranger: you`re crazy
Stranger: where r u now?
You: In Hairy Balls California.
Stranger: why you say that words?
You: What?
Stranger: get my XKCD?
You: You know, your xkcd! That special thing!
Stranger: what special?
You: XKCD!
You: Don’t you have any xkcd?
Stranger: I don`t have
Stranger: yeah
You: Do you know what xkcd is?
Stranger: no
You: Google is your friend, buddy.
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Dolphin
You: Mac or PC?
Stranger: PC
You: Windows or Linux?
Stranger: Windows
You: Vista or XP?
Stranger: XP
You: Build number?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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