Since last night I’ve been obsessively connecting to Omegle.
It’s a simple site that just connects you to a random person, anonymously, for a conversation.
It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.
Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.
Still, it’s fun!
xkcd 
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hiii
You: Hi, burger King, can I take your order?
Stranger: of course!!!!!!!!
Stranger: what do you want????????
You: What can I get you?
You: We have a coupon deal on the donut’ s today
You: Y’
You: Ello?
Stranger: hiiiiiiii
Stranger: asl
You: hiiiiiiiiiii, can I take your order?
Stranger: no
You: I there something else I can help you with?
Stranger: yes!!!!!!!!!! have a conversation with meeeeeee 🙂
Stranger: i’m brazziliannnnnnnnnn
You: M’am or Mister, there are other people waiting in line to be served, if there is nothing I can do for you, I’ m afraid I’ m gonna have to ask you to step out of the line. Burgers need to be served.
Stranger: i have to goooooo
You: Bathroom ‘s to the left
Stranger: hahahahahahahahaha
Stranger: you are so funnnnnnnnyyyyyyy
Stranger: i love youuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!
You: My lunchbreak starts in 1 hour
Stranger: married me??????????
Stranger: please!!!!!!!
Stranger: i need your love!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: you are my soul mate
Stranger: i love burguer king
Stranger: i love donutssssss
Stranger: kisses for youuuu
You: Manager, can you call up security, there’ s this crazy person that won’ t step out of line, and she’s holding up the cue
Stranger: and i love youuuuuuuuu
Stranger: AJAJAJSJAJAHAHAHHAAHAH
Stranger: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: AHAHAHAHAH A
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Last one:
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi, burger King, can I take your order?
You: Y’ello?
Stranger: i big mac
Stranger: *a
You: M’ am, Mister, this is Burger King
You: You’ ll need to visit a McDonalds to get a big Mac
Stranger: ok… a burger and coke!
Stranger: whopper
You: Regular or Super sized?
Stranger: duh… super size!
You: And the coke, diet or regular?
Stranger: i better have a diet! 😦
You: Anything else?
Stranger: em… i’ll just ask mike!
Stranger: two mins
Stranger: he’ll have the same!
Stranger: only with regular coke!
You: Alright, so that’s Two super sized Whoppers, a diet coke, and a regular coke. That’ll be $15,26 please.
You: Cash or check?
Stranger: card?
You: I’ m sorry, the atm lines at the drive thru only work from 5 to 9
Stranger: oh man!!! ok… cash!
You: Thank you for eating at burger King!
Stranger: i only have $15.10
Stranger: 😦
You: Does your friend Mike maybe have 16 cents?
You: We also accent foreign currencies, like the Euro?
Stranger: sorry! no!
Stranger: oh come on!!!
Stranger: please let me have it!!
You: I’m sorry M’ am, mister, any register difference comes out of my own paycheck, i can’t do that.
Stranger: its 16 cents!!!
You: Maybe drop the regular coke, and share the diet with Mike? I can add two straws for free if that’ ll work out?
Stranger: ok! 😀
You: alright, then the new total comes to $12,45. Still cash?
Stranger: duh!
Stranger: XD
You: Thank you for eating at burger King!
Stranger: and thank you for your help!
Stranger: heres a $2 tip
You: Thank you! Have a nice day!
Stranger: you too! XD
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Level 3 Mage
Stranger: fuck!
Stranger: game over
Stranger: you win
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: i like to drink pee
You: Well thats just fucking sick.
You: Ill catherize myself and shoot the burning hot urine down your throat.
Stranger: okay
Stranger: i’m all yours
You: Open up baby.
Stranger: my mouth is wide open
You: Does it burn?
You: Can you smell the ammonia?
You: Im pouring it all over your face.
You: Into your hair and down your chest.
Stranger: ooh it taste really good
Stranger: want some
You: SHUT UP
Stranger: i can spit over you
You: Open your mouth, I need to shit.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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So now that some people have connected bots to this wonderful idea, do we have a recorded session of two bots meeting each other, resulting in an endless discussion?
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: R U A GIRL?
You: oh yeah baby. and i am so hot
Stranger: U SURE
You: psych
You have disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ciao
You: Jambo!
Stranger: jambo?
You: Jambo.
Stranger: Jumbo
You: Mumbo
Stranger: Jumba
You: Jumble sale
Stranger: got me
Stranger: hahaha
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: DONT SAY HI TO ME.
You: Haldo.
Stranger: Good.
You: ^_^
Stranger: Now, when you talk to me, only type in caps.
Stranger: Got it?
You: I LOVE BEING DEATH.
Stranger: Oh yeah?
You: YES.
Stranger: What’s it like/
You: DO YOU READ DISCWORLD?
Stranger: ?
Stranger: Yes, all the time.
Stranger: Interesting stuff.
You: VERY GOOD. THEN YOU KNOW WHO I AM REFERRING TO.
You: UNLESS YOU’RE ACTUALLY BULLSHITTING ME, IN WHICH CASE…
Stranger: Shit.
Stranger: You’re onto me.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
(I found the solution to the a/s/l? problem)
Stranger: asl/
Stranger: ?
You: does it matter?
You: if I’m a boy, you’ll disconnect; if I’m a girl, you’ll proposition me for sex/pics.
Stranger: i wont
Stranger: i j.w
You: sorry what?
Stranger: now i know that your a boy that
Stranger: *though lol
You: or do you?
Stranger: yeah 😉
You: :3
Stranger: no man it dont matttter
Stranger: chat away
You: that’s great. 🙂
You: how are you?
Stranger: lol, fine thankss 🙂
Stranger: you?
You: I’m laughing.
You: Evilly.
Stranger: why ?.
You: Because I’m a girl.
You: 🙂
You: Or am I just screwing with you…?
Stranger: haha 😛
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This was my favorite one:
(Please do not go to the link I posted there if you don’t know what it is. Please.)
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: http://ljmojo.whitehat.net.nz/Goatse-Original.jpg
You: there it is
Stranger: alright hold on
You: that’s goatse
Stranger: 😮
Stranger: NOOO!!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi, burger King, can I take your order?
Stranger: hello
You: What will it be Sir?
Stranger: we dont have burger kings in here, im from jamaica
You: Well Sir, thats just not good at all
You have disconnected.
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I asked, a large number of brazil folk are on because it’s summer there, and they’re off from school.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: can I take your order?
Stranger: ARE YOU YASH GUPTA OR NOT?
You: I’m sorry sir
Stranger: FUCKING TELL ME
You: thats not on the menu
Stranger: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Stranger: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You: Your holding up the line sir
You: if you could just go outside…
Stranger: I CANT DEAL WITH THIS PRESSURE
Stranger: OK
Stranger: OK
You: Sir?
Stranger: DO YOU HAVE BATTLETOADS?
Stranger: CAN I GET 2 ORDERS OF BATTLETOADS
You: With or without dipping sauce?
Stranger: AHHHHHH
Stranger: TOO MANY DECISIONS
You: Sir?
Stranger: YES
You: What flavours?
Stranger: DIPPING SAUCE YES
Stranger: SEMEN
You: okay
Stranger: AND RANCH
Stranger: NO
You: thats the same thing Sir
Stranger: BUFFALO
You: Okay
Stranger: NO
Stranger: THOUSAND ISLAND
You: 2 Battletoads, with Semen and Thousand Island
Stranger: YAH
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: can I take your order?
Stranger: A double cheeseburger, frys, and a chocolate shake
You: Good choice sir
You: anything else?
Stranger: That will be it
You: okay thats…..
You: $20.94
Stranger: unless
You: Cash or Cheque?
Stranger: Amex
You: Anything Else Sir?
You: Amex?
You: how many sir?
Stranger: How about a furburger and a side order of thighs?
You: Okay
You: Furburger, Thighs, Double Cheese Burger, Fries, Chocolate Shake….
You: that adds up to
You: Tree Fiddy
You: Cash or Cheque?
Stranger: Do you take the Loch Ness Card?
You: GOD DAMN LOCHNESS MONSTER!
You: YOU GET AWAY!
You: YOU AINT GETTIN NO TREE FIDDY!
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Can I take your Order?
Stranger: I’ll have a double cheeseburger
You: With or without Cheese?
Stranger: With, please
You: Ah yes,
Stranger: I’ll also have a chocolate Milkshake…
You: wouldn’t quite be a cheeseburger then
Stranger: …medium, please
You: would you like a dip?
Stranger: No, no thanks, just a milkshake.
You: Dips are free….
Stranger: Uh, no thanks. No dip.
You: Okay
Stranger: I’ll also have a small fry,
You: Small Fries
You: with dip?
Stranger: barbeque sauce?
You: Im sorry
You: thats illegal
You: we have:
You: Ketchup
You: Mayp
You: and Mayo
Stranger: Oh sorry, didn’t realize I was in Maryland yet.
Stranger: I’ll have Mayp
You: Oh god!
You: Umm
You: okay
You: Mayp
You: Small Fries
You: Med Choc Shake
You: Double Cheeseburger
You: anything else sir?
Stranger: No, that’ll be it.
You: okay
You: that will be about
You: Tree Fiddy
Stranger: YOU MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH
Stranger: GODDAMN LOCKNESS
Your conversational partner has disconnected
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oh my god what have i spawned 😦
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lol was just talking to someone from milton keynes on omegle and i linked him this site, then i disconnected by accident so like, if you read this, sorry i clicked off by accident..it was nice talking to you 😛
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I just had a lovely discussion about girl problems with someone. He/She was very nice. And older than I.
I learned a life lesson ftw?
Lol.
“Hi” if you’re reading this.
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If you mention the FBI, a message appears on the other guy’s window saying that the message saying you are under investigation by the FBI is false.
wtf?
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You: Hi
Stranger: brb smoke
You: COCKS!
—-
Stranger: CHUCK NORRIS?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
—-
Stranger: I’m Gay
You: Ok
Stranger:JUST DISCONNECT YOU FAGGOT
You: woah
You: I thought you were the gay one.
Stranger: Stop finding plot holes.
—-
You: Hi
Stranger: Greetings friend.
You: okay…
Stranger: Of what topic would you wish to speak of today.
Stranger: I am versed in multitudes of posibilities.
Stranger: Your imagination is your only limitation.
You: Why you have such a large vocabulary.
Stranger: I borrowed it from the dictionary.
You: That makes sense I guess.
Stranger: So. Do you enjoy a rousing game of tornaldi?
You: What is tornaldi?
Stranger: I say a word. And you try to puzzle out why I specifically said that word and the linking question by asking ten questions of your own.
Stranger: You win by correctly answering the question defined by the word I stated.
You: okay, lets try it.
Stranger: A quick example would be, I say shoes. When I really mean, what kind of shoes do you wear. You would of course answer that question to win.
You: okay
Stranger: So. My word is. Toucan.
You: I have no idea
Stranger: You get ten questions to try to figure out my question.
You: Does it have to do with the dietary habits of Toucans?
Stranger: No.
You: Is it asking whether I like Toucans or not?
Stranger: No.
You: Toucan Civil Rights?
Stranger: No.
—-
Stranger: any chances your from the GD
You: GD?
You: I’m guessing I’m not
Stranger: lol guess not
—-
Stranger: hey
You: McDonalds, May I take your order?
Stranger: lol tall dark and handsome please
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I may have offended this person.
Stranger: Aloha.
You: Hello, how are you?
Stranger: I’m groovey, you?
You: Good
Stranger: Do you like penguins?
You: I like ostriches more
You: But I detest velociraptors
You: You?
Stranger: Intriguing. I do to, they are way to over-shoved into the media.
You: Which?
Stranger: Velociraptors.
You: On an interesting side note, I’ve developed a zombie-killing trap
Stranger: What would that be?
You: Well, you have a sort of moat
You: In that moat, you have a pilot light to prevent them from piling up.
Stranger: What if they can swim? You could make it a large ditch or trench moat. They’ll just full in and then light them on fire so they can not build up to the point that the super Zombie boss Madonna Zombie can not walk over them.
Stranger: Intriguing.
You: What a tangled we we must weave to kill zombies.
Stranger: You could always move to Africa. Even Zombies don’t tread there.
You: True. Are there ortritrctes in Africa?
Stranger: Probably. Those things are everywhere.
You: What is your favorite food?
Stranger: Sushi. You?
You: Fear.
Stranger: You devour fear?
You: EXACTLY!
Stranger: Sounds intense.
Stranger: Even Freddy Krueger can’t do that and he’s made of the stuff.
You: Very high colesterol.
Stranger: Reminds me of the time I once played checkers with british prime minister Harvey Dent. Wonder what happened to him. Hmm.
You: So is he afraid, or making others afraid?
You: Freddy, I mean
Stranger: I think he just fetishes off of chicks nightmares.
You: Freddy?
Stranger: The Kruegster, yes.
You: Maybe Harvey Dent was eaten by Freddy
Stranger: Hmm, perhaps. But I believe it was the work of a certain Joe Kerr.
You: Sounds plasible.
Stranger: It’s unbelievably unbelievable that it could not be leavable. That’s why I have to say, WOW.
You: EXACTLY!
You: Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or the Terminator
Stranger: It’s hard to determine. Chuck is a failed actor with a lisp and fundamentalist Christian values that are a bit odd. Terminator now has saggy boobs and wrinkly skin. I plead the fifth
You: You refuse to quarter troops on your property during a time of peace?
You: I can agree with that.
Stranger: I refuse to pay quarters to any troop. They can find their own cash.
You: That actually made me laugh out loud.
Stranger: It’s like the time I once got funded to trek across New Jersey, but I couldn’t do it. Too much sasquatch residue.
You: Umm…. sasquatch residue?
Stranger: Yeah. Hair and odors and bodies and stuff. They are all over the place. Either it is sasquatch or a damn lot of hairy woman running about.
You: “sasquatch residue” currently turns up no hits on google. Someone needs to fix that.
Stranger: I think my sister might be dating a sasquatch.
Stranger: Every other night it’s like Chewbacca is got hit with a blaster rifle in her room.
You: Are you sure it is a sasquatch? It could be a hairy woman.
You: Hello?
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You: McDonalds, May I take your order?
Stranger: please 2 cheseburgers and big fries and cola
Stranger: cola – medium size
You: Dipping sauce for your fries?
Stranger: yes please
You: what kind?
Stranger: what do you have?
You: Ranch , Sawdust, BBQ, Worms, Filth
Stranger: BBQ please
You: What type of Cola?
You: Pepsi? Coke?
Stranger: just cola
You: okay.
Stranger: so, do you work in mcdonalds? that suxx, man
You: ? 1239.96. please pull up to the drive through
You: No I don’t
You: That would suck
You: $ 1239.96 rather.
You: hit ? instead of $
Stranger: so why do you playing this mcdonalds shit?
You: To screw with people
You: you should try it.
Stranger: rather stupid
You: rather fun
Stranger: whom how, as we say in MGIMO
You: whom how doesn’t make any sense
Stranger: so, i’m leaving
You: bye
Stranger: bye
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You: hey
Stranger: hey
You: what’s up?
Stranger: not much
Stranger: i just killed my cat
Stranger: with a toaster
You: why?
Stranger: it looked at me funny
Stranger: all i did was lick it
Stranger: honestly
You: are you from 4chan?
Stranger: no
You: oh.
You: what site are you on?
Stranger: Omegle
You: no, but what else
Stranger: CAD forums
Stranger: you?
You: xkcd
You: the stranger
You: nerd shit.
Stranger: sweet
You: where are you from?
Stranger: The Garden
Stranger: Your Garden
You: New Jersey?
Stranger: go to your garden, take 3 steps right and lift up the paving slab
You: I don’t have a garden.
Stranger: I see.
Stranger: Then i must leave.
You: I live in the city.
You: No grass.
You: Well, lots of weed, but no grass.
Stranger: Do you have some baloons up in your house?
Stranger: If so, can i get in on some?
You: I don’t have a house.
You: I live in an apartment. jesus fucking christ on a stick.
Stranger: You seem to be under priviliaged, i shall donate to you one bear
Stranger: He will come via e-mail
You: What the hell am I going to do with a bear?
Stranger: Whatever the shitfuck you want to do.
Stranger: Babe.
Stranger: Can i have your e-mail?
You: baddecisiondionsaur@gmail.com
Stranger: Whats the date today?
You: April 7th.
Stranger: Mark this day as your downfall.
You: why?
Stranger: You will know when the time comes
You: What the hell dude
Stranger: Shhh, sleep now.
You: no
You: where do you get off telling me what to do, asshole.
Stranger: Your garden.
Stranger: You must pay attention
You: I DONT HAVE A FUCKING GARDEN.
Stranger: Then where is my bear?
Stranger: You have a window right?
You: yeah, but it’s not big enough to fit a fucking bear.
You: are we talking about a grown up bear or a bear cub?
Stranger: Grown up bear
Stranger: but dont worry, he is using the door
Stranger: The window is for me
You: you don’t know where I live.
Stranger: Yes i do.
Stranger: ‘I live in an apartment. jesus fucking christ on a stick. ‘
Stranger: That was my 1st clue.
Stranger: my 2nd was the fact i can see you from your garden
Stranger: You still there Toby?
You: um, my name isn’t Toby.
You: I am Bad Decision Dinosaur and I live in a cave.
Stranger: What?
Stranger: Awesome, can i get in on some of that cave?
You: no
You: Bad Decision Dinosaur does not like sharing her cave.
Stranger: Her?
You: yes
You: Bad Decision Dinosaur is a woman.
Stranger: My bear does not approve of this
You: And she does not like sharing her cave.
Stranger: My bear also wants in on that cave.
You: Well, if you’re into some hot Dinosaur on Bear action, I suggest you look elsewhere.
Stranger: The shit, good sir, is about to hit the fan.
You: Sir? I am a lady.
Stranger: For now…
Stranger: What is your name?
You: I told you.
You: Bad Decision Dinosaur.
Stranger: Then you are no longer a stranger, and the mystery is gone.
Stranger: I have won this here battle
Stranger: I wish to claim my prize
Stranger: What is my prize?
You: Would you like to know what your prize is?
Stranger: Fuck Yeah.
You: your prize is my pet penguin.
You: his name is Gus.
Stranger: Can penguins mate with bears?
You: I donno man, you would know better than I would.
Stranger: Well, your probably right there.
You: Perhaps you should try and find out.
You: Maybe we should go on a double date sometime.
You: Just you, me, your bear, and my penguin.
Stranger: No
You: Why not?
Stranger: My penguin, he was my prize
You: Yes, but you have to come pick him up.
Stranger: I have already claimed him
You: He’s sitting right here next to me.
Stranger: His name be Collin now.
You: no.
You: his name is Andy.
Stranger: NO!!
You: He can talk, too, did you know that?
Stranger: Yes.
You: I think my penguin is cofused.
You: He’s telling me he’s not a penguin.
Stranger: Hes a compulsive liar
Stranger: Beat the truth out of him
Stranger: With a wrench.
You: I don’t have a wrench.
You: And now he’s hiding behind me, holding onto me for dear life.
You: It hink he’s scared of mating with your bear.
Stranger: Use the hat, it shall loosen his grip upon your back!
Stranger: Or just kick him in the face
You: Why the fuck would I kick him in the face?
You: I mate with him regularly.
Stranger: All the more reason.
Stranger: Let him know his place
You: I have no complaints.
Stranger: By bears side.
Stranger: No complaints?
You: You haven’t even told me bear’s name?
Stranger: Bear.
You: Your bear’s name is Bear?
Stranger: Bear.
You: Wow, that’s creative.
Stranger: Fuck you, thats creative
You: That’s what I’m trying to do.
You: Arrange a little four-way.
You: You and me and Bear and Andy.
Stranger: And Collin*
Stranger: The last bit was wrong
Stranger: My penguin, the one you refer to as ‘Andy’ is called Collin
You: I could have him talk to you if you want.
You: He’s a highly intelligent creature.
Stranger: Have you kicked him in the face?
You: no
Stranger: Thats where your going wrong
You: I’m not going to kick him in the face.
You: Here
You: I’ll let you say hello.
Stranger: I already did
Stranger: Im just outside, in the Garden
Stranger: Your Garden.
You: My penguin and I don’t have a garden.
You: If you were even half as smart as he is, you would know that by now
Stranger: I am half as smart, and two halves more!
Stranger: I AM IN YOUR GARDEN!
You: My penguin would like to inform you that his garden is in his pants.
You: And you will have to suck his cock to deliver the bear.
Stranger: Then i would like to inform your penguin that he is cumfy and warm.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey
Stranger: asl?
You: american sign language
Stranger: thats the one
You: SWEET
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Been having a lot of fun with this and an Infocom compiler.
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You:
ZORK I: The Great Underground Empire
Copyright (c) 1981, 1982, 1983 Infocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
ZORK is a registered trademark of Infocom, Inc.
Revision 88 / Serial number 840726
West of House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: What?
You: I don’t know the word “what?”.
Stranger: Oh, I see.
Stranger: > Open mailbox.
You: Opening the small mailbox reveals a leaflet.
Stranger: > Read leaflet.
You:
“WELCOME TO ZORK!
ZORK is a game of adventure, danger, and low cunning. In it you will explore some of the most amazing territory ever seen by mortals. No computer should be without one!”
Stranger: > Walk to White House
You: It’s here!
Stranger: I’ve never had the patience for these types of RPGs.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: Hi
You: Vegan zombie needs GRRRAAAAIIINNNSSS….
Stranger: hahah
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nelly furtado and i had an awesome conversation. too bad she loved the sex scene from The Watchmen!
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hello, do you know Ushi?
You: Yeah…
You: who doesn’t?
You: I mean, he’s only the coolest guy…
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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No, I dont know Sarah or Steve, and im not 16 and not from CA and not a female
You: heyyy
Stranger: asl
You: 16/f/CA
You: u??
Stranger: 19mva
You: coool
You: watsup?
Stranger: is your name sarah?
Stranger: oh not much tho
You: OMG!
You: how the heck did you know that?
You: who is this?
Stranger: Steve
You: heyy!!!
Stranger: haha hey!
You: omg lolll
Stranger: this is craazzzyyy
You: yaaaaaaa
Stranger: soo whatve you been up to>
You: omg i gtg but ill call you later!!!
You: ahh
Stranger: OK CALL ME!
You: !!!!!!!!
Stranger: haha woah caps
You: haha lol
You: bye
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
You: Where is it?
Stranger: Here
Stranger: Where was it?
You: awesome, may i have it?
You: Las Vegas
Stranger: If I figure out where it was….
Stranger: ahhh
Stranger: then fuck no, you can’t have it.
You: darn
Stranger: sorry bud.
You: what if we return it first?
Stranger: too late, I already smoked it.
You: how?
Stranger: bong.
You: i see. .
You: when
Stranger: yeah, rough break man…
Stranger: right after I apologized to you.
You: i see. . . that bites, i was really planning on using it
Stranger: yeah…lets hear your current joke, then i’ll tell you mine.
Stranger: then your new current joke will be mine, and vise versa
You: My joke is my brother, he thinks he is worth something
Stranger: ahaha mine was women’s rights.
You: i thought it might be
Stranger: whoa.
You: indeed
You: I can read your thoughts
You: imagine that
Stranger: i did, before you asked me to…
Stranger: how do you figure that one.
You: oohs
You: I don’t know
Stranger: ahah you fraud
You: I will have to ponder it for awhile
Stranger: you fucking fraud!
You: I am no such thing
Stranger: ponder? i hardly know her.
You: fraudulency is realy not my forte
You: I know her well
Stranger: then ponder away!
You: indeed i shall
You: anywho, back to the first subject, you do know what ‘it’ was, correct?
Stranger: i’m assuming ganja.
You: nope, butt-hash
Stranger: shit?
Stranger: full out shit?
You: indeed
You: dried, ready to be smoked
Stranger: you’re semi-fucked.
You: in a bong
You: just as you did
Stranger: oh well then
You: so tell me, what am i to sell to my friends now
Stranger: you’re controlling this conversation eh
Stranger: you got the power here.
You: would you like some power?
Stranger: fuck man, i hate this bullshit.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: lets talk about something real.
You: I bestow upon you half of my power, what shall we tlk about?
You: talk**
Stranger: Ever been arrested?
You: Maybe. . . you?
You have disconnected.
Captcha: sn safety
semi-nuclear safety?!?!?
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This guy typed super slow, It was a little boring. . .
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Please forgive me jesus
You: for i have sinned
You: I poked a badger with a spoon
Stranger: Who did you kill today?
You: who didn’t i kill today?
Stranger: omg. I said you need to control!
You: the killing isn’t the problem. . . the poking the badger is unusual, i usually kill people
You: control?
You: I think i remember you saying something like that
You: i could be wrong though
Stranger: killing people does not solve anything, honey.
You: no, but neither does poking badgers with spoons
You: I am surprised that you aren’t shocked by my sin. . .
You: I was told that i should confess my ‘original sins’ to you
You: is my sin not original enough?
Stranger: I forgive you here, buddy. I will help you.
You: How must we start?!?!?
Stranger: I will help you in any sin. I will not judge you, friend.
Stranger: Tell me your sins.
You: Thank you Jesus, I am glad that i have devoted my life to the following of Christ my savior
You: I killed 8 people today, and 12 frogs
You: I poked a badger with a spoon
You: I cut the heads off of 7 chickens and let them run free in my neighbor’s yard
Stranger: 8 people? and why?
You: I stole 21 cars and crashed them into random buildings. . .
You: I don’t know
You: You know I can’t control these urges
Stranger: you have it pleasure? and the frogs? that the frogs?
You: I don’t know, i just can’t help it. . .
Stranger: I can help you, ok? not kill more.
You: Ok, how do I embark upon the path of non-violence?
Stranger: when you kill, remember my words. I forgive you, but I have to take you though the next time and you deliver to my cousin. the devil. will not be legal.
You: That sounds oddly painful. . .
Stranger: and will. the devil is not nice like me. and I have to give up. not even trying.
You: well. . .
You: that puts a bit of a dampener on our relationship. . .
You: I’m sorry Jesus, but I think this has caused me to lose faith in you. . . These urges only bagan when i accepted you as my lord anyway, so I think that this will put a stop to them. . .
You: Goodbye Jesus
Stranger: we understood? no frogs, and people. or any other kind of life. you can not kill, my dear. we are all children of God!
You: These ideas are not for me Jesus, I am sorry but i have failed you, goodbye
You have disconnected.
Captcha: cur builders
What they do is they bring the curs up from cubs, and teach them to be treacherous. . .
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: God does not exist!
You: Amen.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: how is babby formed?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: hey
You: hiya
You: Have you cheated on your relationship before?
Stranger: sup?
Stranger: ummmm random
Stranger: no
You: hehehe… that’s what I call an icebreaker
Stranger: lol
Stranger: have you?
You: nope. haven’t been in one
Stranger: oh
You: okbai
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Stranger: Do you know the muffin man?
You: a/s/l?
You: aned yes
Stranger: 14/f/us
Stranger: you?
Stranger: heeeellllooo?
You: 37/shemale/Pakistan
You: hot
Stranger: wow a little extreme there
Stranger: I’m actually 20/m/us
Stranger: so a shemale eh
Stranger: ?
You: eh?
You: no
You: not really
You: I bet you’re really surprised!
Stranger: Totally! I can’t believe someone on here wouldn’t tell the truth about who they are!
You: yeah me too
Stranger: So what are you really?
You: 16/f/California
You: obviously
You: duh
Stranger: thats a good one
Stranger: bound to get all the pervs
Stranger: me included
You: yeah
You: probably
Stranger: I hope your not chris hanson
You: you see this is a typical Internet perv
You: he will rape your babies
You: do not talk on the Internet
You: I’m Chris Hansen
You: and this is dateline
Stranger: Damnit, i don’t want to lose my job over this, what the fuck man, i didn’t know, i wasn’t going to have sex with her
Stranger: I swear
You: that’s what they’ll say
Stranger: I just relate to a younger generation, i may be a creepy 37 year old man on the outside but on the inside i’m a beautiful 17 year old guy
You: but when they give you flowers to apologize
You: they will walk inside your home
You: and abuse your children
Stranger: Hmm your facts sound false and made up….but you are chris hanson
You: yeha a beautiful 17 year old guy who touches children inappropriately
Stranger: Yup thats me in a nutshell
You: they will also concede to your superiority as you are awesomer than anyone else
You: but then they will abuse your fetuses
You: and eat them
Stranger: coat hanger abortion
Stranger: falcon punch
You: oh no!!!!!
You: byeeeeee
Stranger: bye
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: STOP!
Stranger: i dont want to talk about politics
Stranger: ok?
You: FALSE; the correct answer is HAMMERTIME!
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hallo
Stranger: The bugs are beneath my skin.
Stranger: Crawling.
Stranger: Aching to be free.
You: Good for you
Stranger: It is.
You: get some insecticide
Stranger: I find it quite refreshing.
Stranger: I’ve had some problems with that.
You: I prefer tea.
You: tea is refreshing
Stranger: One day you’re spraying insecticide on yourself, the next day you’re snorting it.
You: In a less destructive way
Stranger: Yeah.
Stranger: You can’t snort tea.
You: You can
Stranger: That is true,
You: But not a good idea
Stranger: But you won’t see funny colors and talk to the Bug Shaman.
You: Coffee gives a better caffeine high
Stranger: But pesticides make you pale and thin.
You: I see
Stranger: Who doesn’t want to be pale and thin?
Stranger: The bugs tell me I’m too fat.
You: Don’t listen to them.
You: Pale and thin is overrated.
You: Well except for Keira Knightly
Stranger: You’re right.
Stranger: WRONG.
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You: Favourite colour?
Stranger: blue
You: Wrong answer
You have disconnected.
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You: hi 🙂
Stranger: asl
Stranger: pls
You: 24/m/nl
Stranger: not underrage enough
Stranger: im looking for a 7 yearold gurl soz
wtf.
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omegledb: Omegle Bash!
http://www.omgbash.com
I think reading omgbash is my new favorite pasttime… There are some frakkin hilarious people on there.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: well hi there
Stranger: how are you?
You: I’m fine
You: and you?
Stranger: not good, just got fired from the nuclear powerplant
Stranger: i screwed up a little
You: ?????
Stranger: yep
You: how so?
You: meltdown?
Stranger: i caused a leak in one of the reactors
You: hahahahahhaaaa
Stranger: there were policecars… ambulanses, firefighters and so on
You: you’re a bundle of laughs
You: lemme just turn on CNN, hang on
Stranger: i don’t think you can se it on CNN, this happened in siberia
You: hahahahahahha
Stranger: i think they have to shut the powerplant down
You: aaah so we’ll hear it in 3 months 😉
You: well, here’s your chance to get a real scoop
Stranger: maybe a small notice 🙂
You: log in to a major news site and give them the news
Stranger: i really want to leave siberia for something else but my a ticket is a years salary
You: you’ll make headlines worldwide
Stranger: you think?
You: you don’t ???
Stranger: have to leave now! keep watching CNN!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Hi there
Stranger: how are you girl ?
You: mmmm, unless I had a recent sexchange that I’m not aware off, I’m a boy 😉
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Guys, get some of these on http://zomegle.com, there’s some classics in here, but trawling through all this is making my brain hurt 🙂
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ~~~ ATTENTION USER: ~~~~
Due to complaints received relating to lewd behavior, child grooming and luring, The Federal Bureau of Investigation has logged a record of your IP address due to violations of U.S. law. Reference no. 2334453436. Your IP address has been entered into our suspect database and may be sent to Child Protective Services. Please wait while memory ref. code 90637895 is entered into the database. This chat conversation is being recorded.
Do not disconnect this conversation.
This is Field Agent Climpson. May I ask who I am chatting to?
You: Hi Mr. Climpson
Stranger: hi 🙂
You: Sure you may
Stranger: ok 🙂
You: go ahead
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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FUNNY MICH STORY.
Stranger: hi
You: Hello Mich!
What’s up?
You: HIIHIHIHIHIH!
Stranger: BOOOO
You: wohoo.
You: haha.
You: so funny.
You: are you Mich then?
You: you silly boy ! 🙂
Stranger: yesss
Stranger: I’m Mich
Stranger: cool huh?
You: O-o I FOUND you!
Stranger: yeah you did
You: I was just looking for you on here.
Stranger: omg!
You: yeah, I know…
You: it’s crazy…
You: So how did it went?
Is it normal?
Stranger: hm
Stranger: idk
Stranger: a bit normal
You: mhm, that’s good. When will you get the results?
Stranger: they said in a week
Stranger: so..
You: Oh, it takes so long? ..that’s sad.
You: But how do you feel now.
bored?
Stranger: yeah I know
Stranger: pretty much
You: haha, atleast that’s awesome.
Stranger: it is huh?
Stranger: but in a week i think it will be over
You: okay, give me a call then 😉
Will I come to your place later?
Stranger: sure, sounds nice
You: Or you’ll come to mine?
which one do you prefer?
Stranger: hm i don’t mind.. which one do you prefer?
You: omg! You was just on BBC crime news! O-o
You: You owned drugs..
Don’t tell me that you…
You: again??
Stranger: OMG
Stranger: how do they know?
Stranger: this is so NOT cool
You: I dunno, the sound was off.
Stranger: hm well, they’ll never find me
You: I saw you and…come on! Why did you do that!
You: ?
Stranger: I had to..
You: Why?
You was..?
Stranger: yeah you know..
You: ‘kay..I understand..
Stranger: but I’ll promise you I’ll never do it again..
Stranger: well at least I try never to
You: Okay, I HOPE so.
Or otherwise…;(
Stranger: nooo, don’t say that!
Stranger: 😦
You: Okay, okay.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Stranger: It will be fine 🙂
You: We’ll see that..
Stranger: just.. lets hope for it
Stranger: So, how about you now then?
You: okay. hope.
So I’ll come to your place today, later.
do you have any drugs left?
You: I’ll bring my dog with me..
You: you know…THAT dog.
Stranger: yeah I have some left..
Stranger: omg, THAT dog?
Stranger: are you seriously going to bring him with you?
You: yeah…
So if you have any, then hide it away..Hwo knows what mught happend..
You: might*
Stranger: I’ll hide it away then..
You: Good! Love you! :*
Stranger: Aah thank you!
Stranger: So what time are you coming over?
You: you din’t say “I love you too”. ;(
I think I might come around 7 pm.
Stranger: but you know i love you too right?
Stranger: and that’s okay, I can’t wait to see you again!
You: I do, but sometimes I’m not sure about your love..
Okay, wait for me.
Stranger: why are you sometimes not sure about my love?
Stranger: It hurts me when you say that you know.. 😦
You: Cos you hang around all these bitches ya know? It pisses me off.
But..please, don’t be hurt.
….
You: we’ll work it out somehow.
Stranger: But those bitches don’t mean anything to me.. you know that right?
Stranger: we’ll work it out!
You: You have to prove it at first! 🙂
Stranger: Hm well okay.. i’ll prove it to you when you come over later today
Stranger: it that alright?
You: Okay, suprise me then.
Stranger: I will!
You: we’ll see..I know your surprises…
Stranger: no.. this one is going to be a REAL surprise for you
Stranger: 😀
You: Wow! I really can’t wait! I’m soooo exited.
it better be something gooood.
Stranger: oh yeah, trust me.. it is gooooooooooooood!
You: Okay, I trust you.
I have one surprise for you too, my dear 😉
Stranger: Ooooh really? Omg, now i’m sooooo excited too!
You: haha. don’t you wanna hear it now?
Stranger: well.. yeah actually 😀
Stranger: but then it isnt a real surprise anymore..
You: Are you sure?
It will be pre-surprise.
Stranger: Hm well, just tell me then now! i can’t wait any longer
You: Okay..honeybear…I’m….
I’m…
PREGNANT!
You: WOOOO!
You: :D:D:D:D
You: Aren’t you excited?
You: You’lle be a father!
You: :D:D:D:D:
Stranger: OMG!
Stranger: are you serioussssss?
Stranger: wooooooooooooooooow
Stranger: that’s SO amazing!
Stranger: I’m just crying 😀
Stranger: So, for how long did you know this? 😀
You: Hahaha, me toooo! I’m so happy! :D:D:D
We’ll be perfect family.
I got this news two weeks ago…
You: I did’t want to tell you it first,
You: You was lost for so long..
You: and now you’re here! I can’t belive our happiness. 🙂 🙂
Stranger: Noooo me neither!
Stranger: It’s all gonna be perfect 😀
You: Yeah, I’m sure about it. Do you wish the baby boy or girl?
Stranger: Hm, doesn’t matter to me
Stranger: what about you?
You: I wish twins! One boy and one girl. perfect!
Stranger: Wooow yeah
Stranger: that would be awesome!
You: yeaaaaah… B)
Stranger: well, we’ll see whats its gonna be 😀
You: Yeah, let’s hope the best.
Stranger: Now i’m even more excited to see you later today 😀
You: Haha, yeah, Me toooo! 🙂 🙂
We can watch these “Young mother” DVD-s which I bought today.
You: 🙂
You: I also bought one “Young father” DVD! 🙂
Stranger: aaaah that’s really sweet of you!
Stranger: we’ll watch both DVD’s 😀
You: yes, yes, let’s watch both! :))
Stranger: than we can learn even more! 😀
You: yeah! 😉
And we’ll be super-parents!
Stranger: but ehm.. i need to go now.. preparing for your visit!
You: Okay, bye my love.
You: See at night 😉
Stranger: Bye my love!
You: :*
Stranger: 😀
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: moi
You: tu francais?
Stranger: mitä kuuluu?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: Hi there
You: this is weird
Stranger: why?
You: well i mean ya know, its so random
Stranger: i love random ❤
You: me too!
Stranger: ! Omg
You: what are the chances..
Stranger: I just found my soulmate.
You: stranger things have happened
You: get it
You: STRANGER
You: ahaha
Stranger: O.O
Stranger: lololol
You: anywho
You: where are you from?
Stranger: I’m from Finland.
You: oo
Stranger: and u?
You: your english is very good
You: i’m from England
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: harrooo?
You: hai
Stranger: Have You Seen My Dog?
You: yes I did
Stranger: Where?
You: it just walked by my window
You: and that’s odd
Stranger: the bitch run away again
You: I’m on the 54th floor
Stranger: forgot to say she CAN fly
You: so I was WTF for a moment or two..
You: aaah that explains a lot
Stranger: she smoked a bit to much
You: maybe that’s why she threw in a packed of salted nuts
You: she a flight attendent moonlighting?
Stranger: Yes
Stranger: somethimes she works for santa too
You: it’s OK I don’t think we have any laws against that here
Stranger: guess not
Stranger: where you from btw
You: I had a friend who’s aunt had neighbour that worked for Santa too
You: I’m from just 2 blocks away
You: the tall building
Stranger: ow i see it
You: hang on, let me wave out of my window….
You: ………
You: ………
You: ……
Stranger: haha i saw you
You: ther, did you see me?
You: coolio
Stranger: but if you see my dog again tell her to come home
Stranger: it’s getting dark
You: If I see you dog again I will make sure it goes straight home
You: and thanx fior the nuts
Stranger: kay thanks
Stranger: you welcome
You: L8R ciao, au revoir wiedersehen
Stranger: latah!!!!!!
You have disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi ! :] http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1514620052&ref=profile add me pleeeeease :]
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
this has been the funniest thing i’ve seen someone do. ^_^
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My first conversation on omegle.com :
Stranger: EU TE AMO !
You: Si, te amo!
Stranger: MESMO ? –
You: As per the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis!
Stranger: WTF
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Second conversation:
Stranger: SDF
You: Actually, the Social Democratic Front didn’t do that well at elections.
Stranger: aa
Stranger: no
Stranger: that dosnt have anything to do with their oponions?
You: American Airlines isn’t doing well either considering their financial situation right now.
Stranger: puta vejo
You: And Nitric Oxide is an important signaling molecule in the body of mammals.
Stranger: fuck off
You: I believe I’m a human, not a female canine.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Twice in a row I was solicited for phone sex. I have a sneaking suspicion that 21 year-old horny females from “amerca” are not as they profess.
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