Since last night I’ve been obsessively connecting to Omegle.
It’s a simple site that just connects you to a random person, anonymously, for a conversation.
It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.
Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.
Still, it’s fun!
xkcd 
You: hi
Stranger: hello
You: so what do we do now?
Stranger: sup?
Stranger: uh
You: haha
Stranger: talk abotu random shit
Stranger: i guess?
You: Randall!?
Stranger: yees
You: sorry, long day and I needed to unwind.
Stranger: haha no prob brah
You: and I didn’t want to cockpunch someone
Stranger: ======D
Stranger: lol
You: haha is that the preferred way?
Stranger: not for me. chick dig my penor lmao
You: oh really? it’s not that big
Stranger: you would know
Stranger: ;]
You: mom?
Stranger: son?
You: you’re my son?
You: dude I thought you were my mom
Stranger: your mo has a penis?
Stranger: mom*
You: yeah, after her surgery though, no one could tell the difference
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I just had a long conversation, where everything I said was a lie, and my conversation partner switched genders a few times.
It was scary.
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This reminds me of the Salmon/Hat Bots that used to IM you after posting to a LiveJournal. People used to FREAK out at it.
I hope I get matched up randomly with you! 🙂
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Gave omegle a go. First person disconnected on me after a single “oi”. The second was also an xkcd fan. Third and longest conversation was with someone else who thinks they may have read the comic “once or twice”.
My exhaustive research says the likelihood of a meaningful conversation is 66.6% Of 3 calls. 0 “Cocks”, 1 “oi”.
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I found another xkcd user and we talked about raptors. success.
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And Randall has ruined something else by linking to it in his blag.
First his irc chan, now this.
;_;
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Why is everyone from Brazil?
Stranger: i in Brazil.
You: Brazil!!
You: Everyone is in brazil
Stranger: yeah..
You: you’re number 3 of 5
Stranger: i Know =/
You: why?
You: Did you get referred here from a particular web site?
Stranger: man.. i tink Brazilian people dont have not more interessing to do.
—-
Later:
You: How’s life on omegle?
Stranger: everyone is from brazil
You: I know!
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You: hi
Stranger: hi
Stranger: are you brazilian?
You: australian
Stranger: okay thank goodness
You: seen alot here?
Stranger: oh yes
.
.
.
You: how did you find omegle
Stranger: ONTD
You: xkcd
Stranger: Is that some nerdy webcomic?
You: yes it is
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Dude, thats harsh 🙂
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I have yet to be able to find another xkcd user, however, I have met a person who rambled on and on about how he “was Randall Munroe” or something. Makes me want to eat my own beard.
reCAPTCHA: Verdi’s lance
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I’m hooking it up to megahal.
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Stranger: *hug*
You: *cockpunch*
Stranger: HA i’m immune!
Stranger: take that!
You: im using my boots of escaping!
You have disconnected.
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I just got rickrolled.
You: I would like to talk to you about love.
Stranger: Kay one second.
Stranger: Gotta google something, brb :3
You: um, kay.
Stranger: K
You: what did you google?
Stranger: What about love?
Stranger: Just something about my computer.
You: Why does it seem so hard to connect to people?
Stranger: Well, that depends. Are you confident
Stranger: ?
Stranger: Because
Stranger: We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play it
And if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
(Repeat Chorus)
Give you up, give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give,
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give,
Never gonna give, give you up
(Last four lines repeat)
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand
(Chorus times three)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: hi
You: what’s your name, little girl?
Stranger: um…im not a girl
You: then why do you have pigtails?
Stranger: they make me feel beautiful
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Stranger: i haz potato
You: i haz bacon
Stranger: oh DAMN i was going to type that in all caps to enhance the effect
You: bacon>potato
Stranger: true.
Stranger: bacon ON a potato > bacon > potato
You: you lose. sry.
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You: ok lets do this for real
Stranger: Deepest darkest secret?
You: I am an african prince
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
heh. ill stop for tonight. but this is fun.
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It seems to be working.
I tried a couple of times and eventually got someone who admitted to being from 4chan, but then turned out to be interesting and intelligent. We talked about the nature of language, and about Taoism, and then I tried to explain some of my own ideas (similar to some principles of Zen Buddhism).
It was going great, but then our “connection imploded”. Oh well.
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I found a few xkcders on there and had semi-meaningful talks with a few people. Relationship struggles, employment woes. One guy even summoned Raichu!
(reCAPTCHA: $100.891 reduce. First time I’ve had money in a reCAPTCHA and it was everything I was hoping it would be)
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Stranger: hi
You: what was the last thing you googled?
Stranger: the devine comedy
You: not for school i hope?
Stranger: nope
You: oh good
You: you would’ve had a hell of a lot of spelling errors in that paper.
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It’ kinda like talking to a chat bot, except it’s a chat bot capable of being just as abusive/obtuse/wierd as you.
It’s ace
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In response to HunterJE:
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You know, when one of us clicks “disconnect,” it’s almost a certainty that we will never speak to one another again.
You: Doesn’t that make this moment special?
Stranger: no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Randall?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or send us feedback.
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You: hi
Stranger: hello
You: say seven sentences in iambic
You: pentameter is the meter for you
Stranger: 2-3?
You: Hmm?
Stranger: don’t remember how it goes
Stranger: can i have an example?
You: 10 sylables
You: The two sentences I said were in iambic pentameter
Stranger: holy cow….
You: every second syllable is stressed
Stranger: i don’t think i can keep up….
Stranger: do you have any success stories?
You: Maybe you could if you tried really had
You: hard*
You: no
Stranger: many peeps able to?
You: one dude copy and pasted one line from shakespeare 7 times
Stranger: can i google?
Stranger: nice
You: that’s the best I’ve gotten though
Stranger: give nay thought to haiku’s?
You: I guess you could if you thought it would work
You: I like haikus but they are not as good
Stranger: i suck at that too…just wonerding
Stranger: u r goo
Stranger: good
You: Google them if you really think that’s best
Stranger: omg
Stranger: i would if i could, but i can’t so I
Stranger: ….
You: hehe that worked but it didn’t quite end
I didn’t even write all my sentences in Iambic, and he or she got all impressed.
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As they say on the Internet.
WIN!
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi there.
You: WOOOOOW
You: A capitalized sentence ending in a stop!!
You: xkcd right?
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: I wonder where I’ll float next.
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Brilliant. First conversation was with someone who apparently goes around with furry whales. They tried to end the conversation so I beat them to it. 😀
—
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: This is bizarre….
Stranger: it is
You: First omegle chat. You?
Stranger: this is my 3rd
Stranger: my first was really weird
You: I’m typing on qwerty instead of dvorak so pardon my slowness….
You: …how’d the first chat go?
You: This could be interesting.
Stranger: its okei im typing on Peeufy
Stranger: so i might be a little slow too
You: Peeufy?
Stranger: okei so the first person told me all about a place called target
You: 🙂
You: Maybe he works there?
Stranger: yea i kno
Stranger: but wait
Stranger: he told me i can purchase humans there
Stranger: is this true?
You: Ummm…I’ve never tried it. Maybe.
You: 🙂
Stranger: hey i have these lovely red shoes
Stranger: they’re magic
You: How’d you hear about this site?
Stranger: i can tell u but its a little bit of a long story
You: …You’re lucky. My magic shoes are purple.
Stranger: not long longish
You: Well, I’ll go first then:
You: xkcd.com
You: Your turn!
Stranger: okei
Stranger: yesterday i was really depressed and so i went for a walk
Stranger: wait no
You: Okay, waiting….
Stranger: i asked my sister to let me 100 bucks but she only had 80 so i took the 80
Stranger: and i went for walk and i right when i was gonna turn the corner my FAVORITE corner
Stranger: i bumped into this furry whale
Stranger: it was insane
Stranger: anyway like i literally bumped into it
Stranger: it was soft
You: ???
You: Was this furry whale alive?
Stranger: anyway it handed me a flyer, it was an advertisement for a sample sale- its said something like marc jacobs, chloe, blah blah blah bags
Stranger: YES
Stranger: it was alive! ofcourse
Stranger: how else would it be handing out flyers
You: Dead whales can hand out fliers, too. Don’t be prejudiced against dead people. I mean whales.
Stranger: anyway i told the furry whale- her name was Lucy, i told Lucy the furry whale that i was really sad and that id love to go to the sample sale but i only had 80 dollars
You: Was this live furry whale inhabited by a costume wearing person?
Stranger: noooo
Stranger: it was an actual furry whale
You: I’m tempted to disconnect, but I’ll settle for respectfully disbelieving you and seeing where this goes.
You: 😀
Stranger: okei
Stranger: so
Stranger: so Lucy says
Stranger: hey its okei, just go up there and LOOK- looking is free
Stranger: and i was like yea- okei, and then she offered to walk me over
You: Uh huh
Stranger: but as soon as we got to like there were no people she tried to kiss me! so i ran away
Stranger: as fast as i could- i mean i high tailed it out of there
You: Where’d you go?
Stranger: she chased me at first
Stranger: and i was so scared
Stranger: you kno how those furry whales are! i mean they do NOT deal well with rejection
You: Not really, but I understand….
Stranger: so after she stopped giving chase i caught my breath and looked at the flyer and decided i would go up there and complain to them that there furry whale was totally inappropriate
Stranger: well when i got up there guess what!? more furry whales-
Stranger: hey i gotta go
Stranger: sorry
You: Hang on a second, the sample display was supposed to be…what?
Stranger: im sorry
Stranger: i have to go
You: COCKS!
You have disconnected.
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I’ve got a great chat with some guy from US about my country and stuff, but then the connection broke up. Bawww :<
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Stranger: hey
You: hi
Stranger: whats up
You: having breakfast
Stranger: where u from
You: you?
You: germany
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
They don’t seem to like germans 😦
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I’m almost tempted to write something to connect ELIZA to that…
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I like germans. I AM german.
Has there been established an “official” way of identifying
XKCDians on omegle?
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I had a really good conversation yesterday, with a French guy who is in web design
but the site died 😦
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I had a really good conversation yesterday with a French guy who is in web design.
but the site died 😦
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I actually really like it. Sure, it’s full of trolls and also Brazilians, but on the other hand, I’ve met a few really interesting and enlightening people and lost most of them in the fog. As a simulation of real life, it seems pretty complete.
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running http://megahal.alioth.debian.org/ on it now 😀
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Stranger: hey cunt
You: hey fucker
Stranger: where u from?
You: You’re a cuntrag.
You: Australia.
You: You?
Stranger: yeh same
Stranger: were ya live
You: sydney
Stranger: i’ll smash ya
Stranger: yeh same here
Stranger: wer bouts cunt?
You: i’ll stab you in the head habib
You: south sydney
Stranger: im near burwood
Stranger: come burwood cunt
Stranger: 2hrs
You: hey…i travel through there everyday
Stranger: i’ll drop ya
You: on my way to uni
You: i’ll get me fckn cuz’s on you bro
Stranger: ill put it over you you scrawny cunt
Stranger: ill fucking dfrop ya on ya head
You: we’ll all kill you and your fucking families man
Stranger: lets fuckin do it u butt piurate
You: …man it’s nice to meet someone who knows the language of the area
You: try that with someone from america
You: i’ll beat the shit outta you fudge packing fag
Stranger: your mad cunt
Stranger: gimme ur address
Stranger: wat suburb?
You: strathfield
You: i’ll fuckin take you bitch
Stranger: u srs
Stranger: fuck off lol
You: 187 The Boulevarde , STRATHFIELD, NSW 2135
You: come find me you piece of shit
You: i’ll snap you
Stranger: oi mate i’m gonna fuck ya up
You: we’ll fuckin see m8
Stranger: i’ll egg ya house at least
Stranger: gimme half hr
You: fckn pussy
Stranger: alrite cya soon mate
You: couldn’t even take me if i was blind folded
You: see ya mate
Stranger: wats ya name so i can yell it out?
You: Dominic
Stranger: so you can come out
Stranger: yeh sweet mate
Stranger: cya soon
You: don’t fuckin lose that address mate
You: i’m waiting
Stranger: alrite within nxt half hr
I should mention…that address is the local Pizza Hut.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey there
You: xkcd?
Stranger: yup
Stranger: the blag!
You: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: heh
You: FINALLY!!
Stranger: lol
Stranger: i have this urge to yell “COCKS” and hit disconnect
You: everytime I ask that and people don’t know, I just tell them it is an identifier for a secret society that meets here
Stranger: lol
Stranger: true enough
You: COCKS!
Stranger: … I have no good comeback
Stranger: i’m sorry
Stranger: 😦
You: .. urge to disconnect foiled by wanting to keep talking to an xkcd reader
Stranger: i know right?!
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i kept having the same shmuck who would say “entertain me, bitch” so i started RPing as a knight riding up on his horse. i used the word “knave” a lot
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: surprisebuttsex
Stranger: you again?
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Oh, dude– there’s a Perl module now: http://search.cpan.org/~revmischa/WWW-Omegle-0.01/
I de-minified the site’s javascript last night and screwed around w/ the JSON API, but I’m totally writing a bot in Perl now!
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Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: edward?
You: hello
You: randall?
Stranger: no its BELLA.
You: hello bella
Stranger: is it you Edward?
You: i am stephenie meyer
You: bow down to me, your creator
Stranger: ohhh, Steph
Stranger: ILU.
You: yes, i love you too little minion
You: enjoying your story so far?
Stranger: thank you for creating Edward
Stranger: yes
Stranger: although i don’t like that baby-vamp thing crawling out of my *****
You: in the end you’ll find out that edward is gay for jacob
Stranger: WHAT?
Stranger: NOOO
Stranger: jake loves ME
You: don’t defy me. i am your creator
Stranger: and so does Edward
Stranger: heck you can’t do anything anymore
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I wonder how many of these “strangers” are actually AIs… I mean, this really appears like a crowdsourced Turing test.
Too bad I don’t even know what to talk about with non-strangers. I would be so lost, I don’t dare trying this out.
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This is weird! Very strange experience. Oh, and yeah, I can’t spell veloceraptor…
======
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hay
You: … we have the same suitcase :S
Stranger: hmm i dont have a suitcase
Stranger: think your mistaking me for someone else good sir
You: neither do I. if we both don’t have suitcases, does that make them the same?
You: breifcase? suitcase? … oh dear
You: oh, yeah, and xkcd?
Stranger: hmm i have briefs on
Stranger: is that what you’re talking about?
Stranger: xkcd?
You: [must… fight… urge… to… disconnect]
You: oh, nothing… just a …. cough, secret society that meets here >.>
Stranger: haha tell me
Stranger: what is it this time 😛
Stranger: gays?
Stranger: vampires=
You: velocoraptors.
Stranger: awesome 😀
Stranger: like raptor jesus?
Stranger: i think your lying tho
You: velocoraptors and math. and scones.
You: serious.
You: we have a website. http://www.xkcd.com
Stranger: haha lol
Stranger: ive actually been there before
You: gay vampire velocoraptor mathematicians… now that’s niche
Stranger: read like the first 200 cartoones or something
You: i heard about omegle from the blog there. the comments are enough to lose one’s faith in humanity
Stranger: hehe
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Seems I can make the connection asplode by holding escape. Could this be a way of letting you leave the conversation without letting the other person know you left on purpose?
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You: Hello.
Stranger: hi
You: So. Meet anyone interesting today?
(five minutes goes by)
You: I sure as hell haven’t. You don’t seem to be interesting either. Congratulations, you have ruined my day.
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Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
You: can you help me with an experiment?
Stranger: sure
You: ok, if you let me explain first
Stranger: ok
You: when i was six years old i was diagnosed as clairvoyant
You: which basically means that i have stronger latent psychic powers than the
rest of the population
Stranger: i see… diagnosed…
Stranger: i see…
You: i want to see if i can use my psychic powers over a distance
Stranger: ok…
You: can you help?
Stranger: sure
You: do you have a pencil?
Stranger: yes
You: ok
You: what you need to do is
You: put the pencil in front of your keyboard
You: with a few cm of space
Stranger: yes
You: then i will try to use my psychokinetic powers to move the pencil
You: it may only move a very small amount so you need to watch it VERY
carefully
You: i can move objects in front of me easily but i’ve never tried over a long
distance
You: are you ready?
Stranger: eyp
Stranger: yep
You: ok, watch it VERY carefully
You: i will try now
You: anything?
Stranger: nope
You: ok, let me try again
Stranger: ok
You: here goes
You: did it move at all?
Stranger: nope
You: damn
You: i guess psychokinesis is too difficult over a distance
Stranger: unfortunate..
You: i can try something easier
Stranger: ok.
You: for example i can read peoples’ minds
Stranger: ok
You: what you need to do is focus your attention on the word omegle which is
the name of this site
You: try to think of nothing except omegle
Stranger: ok
You: i will try to see if i can use my psychic powers to work out something
about you
You: ok… concentrate NOW
You: ok i think i have something
Stranger: ok what is it?
You: ok..
You: i’m getting the impression…. something about your personality …
You: i think … you’re a very gullible person
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: im sorry
You: why?
You: you didnt mean to
You: Its not your fault
You: the raptors were out of control
Stranger: but i did, i wanted to hurt you
Stranger: omg! xkcd!
You: 😀
Stranger: ive been sayingxkcd instead of hi for about 10 minutes, but everyone disconnected lol
You: lol
Stranger: u found this thorugh randells blog too?
You: I knew about it before the blog, but just started getting on here again now that i saw it there
Stranger: hehe randell makes things cool…
Stranger: or at least socially acceptable
.
.
.
Stranger: btw – youre not randell, are you?
You: I wish.
Stranger: coz that would be so amazingly awesome lol
You: lol, it would be
Stranger: ah well…. nevermind…
Stranger: bye xx
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Stranger: hi
You: hey
You: you should listen to a band called Dream Theater
You: they will make you finally happy
You: trust me.
Stranger: Have.
You: OH SHIT
You: THIS IS NOT WHAT I INTENDED
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So far, it’s as though Omegle doesn’t have the seem sex ratio as *the entire rest of the internet*…
Something is wrong :O
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Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: I’m sorry
Stranger: ?
Stranger: asl
You: The velociraptors
You: They are out of control
Stranger: asl porra
You: What is the french word for velociraptors?
Stranger: fuck you
You: They are at your door already?
Stranger: fuck you
You: you can try throwing them a dog to play fetch
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Though it is not original, I love the Reverse Turing Test.
You: This is an automated chat machine. Please respond with “yes” or “no”
Stranger: hey?
You: Is your favorite color, RED?
Stranger: no!
You: Is your favorite color, BLUE?
Stranger: haha one of them
Stranger: and u dear?
You: Is your favorite color, GREEN?
Stranger: yes!!
You: Thank you.
You: …
Stranger: Whats your name
You: …
Stranger: your name?
You: Operator online.
You: HAL9000
Stranger: Are you a robot?
You: …
You: …
You: Yes
Stranger: WHY?
You: Reverse Turing Fail.
Stranger: I thought i was supposed to talk to a person =[
You: 🙂
You: reverse turing test
Stranger: im so confused
Stranger: Where do you live?
You: Always Remember That!
ReCAPTCHA: Fourteen ing
(I wonder what Fourteening would be?)
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Stranger: oi
You:
I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos – and I wish to speak to you most urgently about a matter regarding the sum of $39,000,000 US Dollars…
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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