Since last night I’ve been obsessively connecting to Omegle.
It’s a simple site that just connects you to a random person, anonymously, for a conversation.
It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.
Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.
Still, it’s fun!
xkcd 
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: girl?
You: uh, yeah.
You: why?
Stranger: yi xing xiang xi
Stranger: haha
Stranger: age
You: i’m 18.
Stranger: from
You: new york.
Stranger: good
Stranger: virgin
Stranger: ?
You: uh, no
Stranger: skype
Stranger: ??
You: i don’t have skype.
Stranger: msn
You: yeah
Stranger: send me
You: why?
Stranger: ok?
You: just curious.
Stranger: i am chinese
Stranger: want to learn english ah
You: i see
You: then why did you ask me if i was a virgin>
Stranger: another aim,
You: aim?
You: as in aol instant messenger?
Stranger: aol??
You: …nevermind.
You: but seriously.
You: why did you ask me if i was a virgin?
Stranger: topic may be relate to sex, its hot thing
You: i see…
You: well, i have a boyfriend.
You: so not interested.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: so learn english
Stranger: maybe
You: i’m speaking english right now.
You: i don’t need to learn it.
Stranger: i want to learn
You: okay.
You: then go to school.
You: it’s not that hard.
Stranger: but it is not related to the normal life
Stranger: it is formal
You: hahahhaah
You: ahahhahaha
You: hahahaha
You: …oh you were serious.
You: shit.
You: um…
You: yes, it is related to normal life.
You: school is how you LEARN HOW TO DO EVERYTHING.
Stranger: no
Stranger: it doesn’t tell u how to have sex
You: so?
You: sex isn’t everything.
Stranger: everything contains sex
Stranger: but not contained
You: but sex isn’t important.
You: sex is how organic creatures reproduce to thrive in the next generation, and that is it.
Stranger: yeah , i just take a example
Stranger: oh , u are a biological student
You: nope.
You: i study graphic design and commercial art.
You: don’t assume.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: very smart girl
Stranger: so u don;t want to give ur msn
You: nope!
You: i never use it anyway.
Stranger: what a pity
You: everyone who’s anyone uses AIM where I live.
You: most people don’t even know what msn is.
Stranger: AIM what is it
You: aol instant messeger, as I said before.
Stranger: ?
Stranger: o
Stranger: what about aol
You: what do you mean?
Stranger: i dk aol
You: oh, never mind then.
Stranger: oh
Stranger: u r
Stranger: 3A student?
You: 3A?
You: don’t know what that means.
Stranger: best
Stranger: one
You: ah.
You: i’m not the best. but I do get very good grades if that’s what you mean.
Stranger: yep
Stranger: ??
Stranger: haha
You: what?
You: why the long pause?
Stranger: thinging u r a good girl in study
You: ah.
Stranger: how about in bed
Stranger: good or not
You: my boyfriend says so.
You: but that’s not important.
Stranger: why
Stranger: important for man
Stranger: ur
Stranger: AIM no
You: it’s not important.
You: and what do you mean AIM?
You: that it’s my aim to give great sex?
You: and that’s all women are good for in life, is a good fuck?
Stranger: no
Stranger: just
You: good.
Stranger: english
You: i told you, you should go to school for english then.
You: they’ll teach you.
Stranger: communicationg with u
Stranger: but i am in China
Stranger: u a smart
You: i’m not that smart.
Stranger: i feel
You: i just have common sense and 14 years of schooling.
Stranger: modesty
You: i’m not modest, i’m honest.
Stranger: haha
You: what?
Stranger: honest.
You: i am.
You: i say what i feel and don’t change it.
Stranger: zhaoyouguang@aolchina.com
You: what is that?
Stranger: AIM
Stranger: in china
You: ah.
Stranger: ADD
Stranger: ME
Stranger: ??
You: it won’t work.
Stranger: WHY
You: it’ll only work if you go to http://www.aim.com and get a screename there.
You: but why would you want to talk to me anyway?
Stranger: MY MOTHER LAUGUAGE IS NOT ENGLISH
You: Obviously
Stranger: may be u could giveme ur no. ok?
You: what do you mean?
You: like my aim name?
Stranger: AIM
You: ah.
Stranger: yep
You: every other letter-
You: gwvrbamijtnhjpnhlamnntsowmi7h3
You: figure it out.
Stranger: ??/
You: it’s a riddle of sorts.
Stranger: id;
Stranger: k
You: i gave you my aim name.
You: read every other letter in the gibberish sentence.
You: you might get it eventually.
You: you’re probably just a horny 16 year old boy looking to get webcam sex, anyway.
You: so i doubt you’ll get it.
Stranger: no
Stranger: hi
Stranger: why
You: why what?
You: stop being vague.
Stranger: u don’t want to give me ur name
You: i did.
Stranger: no
You: yes, i did.
Stranger: i can’t get it
You: see, this is why you should go to school.
You: they make you SMART.
You: which you are ovbiously not if you cannot get a simple riddle.
Stranger: i really can’t understand
Stranger: i ll sleep
You: okay.
You: well, it’s been…. good talking to you.
You: i guess/
Stranger: but u did not give me ur name
You: my name is not important.
You: i’m not interested in you. 😉
You: by the way, i lost the game.
Stranger: no , u will win someday , if i enter harvard
You: *snort*
You: You obviously have never heard of The Game.
You: There are 3 rules. It’s simple. Would you like me to teach you?
Stranger: yeah
You: 1. You are now playing the game.
You: 2. You cannot think about the game, or you lose the game.
Stranger: ok
You: 3. When you lose, you must announce to the world that you lost
You: That is all.
Stranger: hehe
You: You are now stuck in the neverending cycle that is the game.
You: Have fun in hell!
You have disconnected.
What a waste of my afternoon. xD
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: hello
Stranger: ??
You: nooo, really?
You: i’m shocked.
Stranger: ??
You: oh no,
You: you must be lying.
You: seriously?
Stranger: ?????
Stranger: ??????
You: oh my god!
You: poor abbie!
You: she had such a good life, too…
You: i’l keep her in my prayers, dude.
Stranger: do you know ?
You: what?
You: try speaking american.
You: it’s the only language I understand.
Stranger: we do not know eachother
You: huh?
You: what are you saying?
You: I can’t understand you anymore.
Stranger: i say “thanks”
You: i still can’t understand you…
Stranger: “do you know what i say?”
You: …in america.
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: Hello
Stranger: horny girl?
You: Not likely
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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This service is useful as a source of randomness:
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: heyy
You: give me a random integer plz
Stranger: neg. 3
You: kthxbye
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: are you an interesting person?
You: or random?
You: anything???
Stranger: interesting
You: see you didnt prove that you were at all
You: how about a funny nichez quote
Stranger: shit
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: i’m 18
You: okay
Stranger: female?
You: Yeah.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: you have boyfriend ?
You: Yeah.
Stranger: your hair is golden?
You: No my hair is black but part of it is golden haha.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Lmao Koreans only want to aryans lollerskates.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: booyah
You: My name is Q
You: I am from the future
Stranger: you some service bot?
You: It is nice to interact with a small human creature such as you.
Stranger: from some famous ircd?
You: I am not a bot
You: I am.
You: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
You: BABABABABA!
Stranger: i know a machine called Q too
You: LEONARDO
You: DONATELLO
You: MICHAELANGELO
You: RAPHAPEL
Stranger: machines dont watch comics
Stranger:
You: agreed.
You: I’m so sorry
You: I’m a’trollin for a newbie.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: the machine-thingy was a good start though
Stranger: keep that up
Stranger: you are going to learn it bro
You: Why thank you.
You: Those are reassuring words.
You: I appreciate them.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: and now activate your teleport
Stranger: and try it on some stranger
Stranger: hush boy
Stranger: fly into the sunset
You: 😀
You: *woopwooowpwooop*
You have disconnected.
Shit doesn’t get old.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: swhello
Stranger: Good Day, sir
You: and you, schwir
Stranger: interesting twist on things you have
You: I schwave a lischwp
Stranger: I see
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: yo
Stranger: asl
You: male 18 usa
You: you?
Stranger: female florida
Stranger: call me ?
You: how old?
Stranger: 19
You: whats your number?
Stranger: 5164912389
Stranger: my names antonia
You: nah im good. i will post your number all over the web thou
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this is a bit long, but it was too funny. who knows where this person came up with all of this stuff.
Stranger: fob?
You: excuse?
Stranger: fob
Stranger: ?
You: the fob means what?
Stranger: fly on baby
You: why would you fly on baby?
You: the baby has not wings
Stranger: its a magic baby
You: have you the wings?
You: but is the magic real?
Stranger: no the baby
Stranger: yes no fake shit here
You: how is you to do it?
Stranger: this baby is different
Stranger: well.
You: where can I locate such baby?
Stranger: its very complicated
Stranger: but ill do my best.
Stranger: Where the northen star leads u,
there shall be a great hole in the blackened ground,
And THERE you shall find the baby.
You: great hole? but what if you falled in?
Stranger: or u can just ask yourself..
“What lies in the shadow of the statue?”
Stranger: then u shall find the magic baby
Stranger: the baby isnt black
You: but hole is black?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: so ull know when u found it
Stranger: otherwise u wouldnt see it
You: maybe I will leave magic baby for some one other
Stranger: thats foolish
Stranger: dont let anyone put their filthy hands on the baby!
Stranger: i know u can do this!
Stranger: i believe in you, Jeremy!
You: um, who is this you call the jeremy?
Stranger: You, my son.. YOU.
You: I think I feel the love
Stranger: no it is the baby thats calling for you
Stranger: it needs u
Stranger: u can fly it over the mountains high.
higher than a pity fly.
And when you see the light..
You know its time to fight!
Stranger: FOR THE BABY!
Stranger: holy shit its 3 am
Stranger: i gotta go to bed
You: is this song?
Stranger: no i came up with it just now
Stranger: im good with words
You: it is quite interessante
You: *interesting
Stranger: ya i write the songs for my band
You: about the flying baby?
Stranger: no but im thinking of doin a song about it
You: that’s cool
You: but can you tell me this
You: HOW IS BABBY FORMED
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: You can ask me 6 questions and I will answer truthfully.
Stranger: oh really?
You: Yes. 5 more to go.
Stranger: oh dang…
Stranger: xD
You: 🙂
Stranger: um.. do you like cheese?
You: Yes, on my burgers.
You: I can has cheezebarger?
Stranger: do you put mayonays on your burgers?
You: Only if it is a ham burger.
You: Or bolonga.
Stranger: are you guy or girl?
You: People ask me why I say, B O L O –
You: Girl.
You: G N A!
Stranger: do you like monkeys?
You: I believe in the theory of evolution, so yes.
You: One more.
Stranger: hmm…
Stranger: what should i ask..
You: Nothing, since your 6 questions are up.
You have disconnected.
Sorry bout the ripped starter.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi, m/f?
You: Are you going to disconnect again?
You: Yes, yes you are.
You: I can see it in your eyes.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: I LOVE YOU, CAPS LOCK!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hey, Horny guy here, looking for A HORNY GIRL, that will send pics, or WEBCAM ;), asl?
You: 19.f.Orlando
Stranger: webcam?
You: Sure.
You: MSN?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: whats yours
You: I have a secret I have to tell you first.
Stranger: ok
You: Don’t ever tell anyone this…
Stranger: k
You: I’m a girl with a dick.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: freddy or jason?
You: jason
You: cellphone or mp3 player?
Stranger: cellphone
Stranger: ps3 or 360?
You: 360
You: star wars or star trek?
Stranger: star wars
Stranger: even though the prequels sucked
Stranger: batman or superman
You: BATMAN!
You: hands down
You: wikpedia or omegle?
Stranger: wikipedia
Stranger: for easy access
Stranger: peanut butter or jelly?
You: jelly
You: Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter
Stranger: lotr brah
Stranger: harry potter is cool too but lotr is epic
You: I … havent seen LOTR
Stranger: =(
Stranger: nerd or dork?
You: nerd
You: cats or dogs
Stranger: dogs
Stranger: more kickass
Stranger: g string or thong?
You: thong
You: beach or mountains
Stranger: beach brah
Stranger: gotta surf
Stranger: hot dogs or burgers?
You: burgers
You: too many badly cooked camp hotdogs
You: beatles or queen?
Stranger: beatles
Stranger: basketball or baseball?
You: baseball
You: TV or books?
Stranger: tv brah
Stranger: i must admit i only read about 20 minutes per day
You: better than some
Stranger: barbara walters or katie couric?
You: to wikipedia!
Stranger: newscasters brah
You: katie couric
You: money or love
Stranger: hmmmmm
Stranger: i’d say money
Stranger: i can find love when i have money
Stranger: but not the other way around
You: good point
Stranger: male or female?
You: male
You: dark or fair (hair)
Stranger: fair on girls
Stranger: dark on guys
You: same
Stranger: pitt or clooney?
You: oooh…
You: clooney
You: but hopefully i wont ever have to choose
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Nailuj, yours are awesome. xD
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: hey
Stranger: I want to talk dirty…
You: mmmm
You: me too
You: you first
You: u still there
Stranger: yes…
You: I TAKE OUT MY RHINO DICK
Stranger: Im horny…
You: AND START POUNDING YOUR ASS
You: HORNY NOW?!
Stranger: yeah…
You: PS. I’M A GIRL.
Stranger: give it to me…
Stranger: Ps. Im a boy…
You: Shit, we both trolls?
Stranger: Kinda…
Stranger: lol
You: Posting this on xkcd.
You: xD
Stranger: What is that?
You: I’ll show you in a sec
You: Say hi.
Stranger: Hi…
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: Before we talk…
You: Are you a troll?
Stranger: no…
You: okay
You: I TAKE OUT MY RHINO DICK
You: AND START POUNDING YOUR AS
You: S
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.
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Thanks for the complement, Max. 🙂
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you might want to use google translate this is really what was said:
You: hi
Stranger: vai tomar no cu porra
You: você primeiro
Stranger: cala a boca seu arrombado vo arrancar teus dentes enfia no seu cu
You: você quer ter relações sexuais?
Stranger: aham vo pega teu dente ai depois vo quebrar ele, aà enfiar nesse teu cu, tu vai gritar tanto de dor que pra eu calar tua boca vai ser calando com seus dentes que vao sair pelo seus olhos, depois furo eles com um garfo e te ponho no microondas
You: YAY!
You: Eu desejo que poderia acontecer
Stranger: arrombado filha da puta
Stranger: depois vo te ferver no fogão com molho a carpeggiana
Stranger: e vo dar pros cachorros comerem
You: Tenho estranho fetiche
Stranger: depois que so sobrar o esqueleto
Stranger: eu pego os ossos e cremo
Stranger: ai so vai sobrar cinza pra eu fumar
Stranger: ai tu vai morre nas minhas narinas e depois te espirro ate tu se desintegrar
You: oh meu deus estou tendo um orgasmo!
Stranger: foda-se
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: heyyyy
Stranger: hi
You: asl?
Stranger: 19/f/canada
Stranger: u?
You: 19 m canada
You: where in canada?
Stranger: toronto
Stranger: u?
You: I am from Oakville
Stranger: thats nice
You: yeah, it’s a cool town
Stranger: name?
You: it’s right outside toronto
You: jame
You: (like jamie)
You: (but no i)
Stranger: ah
Stranger: avril
You: pretty name 🙂
Stranger: why thank you
Stranger:
Stranger:
You:
You:
Stranger: ;0
You: ?
You: 🙂
Stranger: 😉
You: you have a msn or an email?
You: you seem nice
Stranger: i do
You: and? 😀
You: haha
Stranger: hold on a sec
You: ok
Stranger: 😉
Stranger: super_frick@hotmail.com
Stranger: i can’t go on it now though
You: why not?
Stranger: i’m on vacation
You: ok, well good job, your email address is going all over the internet now.
You: Bye!
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: yeh
You: OH
You: thats Hey spelled BACKWARDS
You: im am sooo cool *woopwoopwoopwoopwoop*
Stranger: oh yea i didnt notice that
Stranger: asl
You: age : lets se lets play im 24 years old, named Heidi, come from denmark got a DD breast size, no bf, and perma-horny, no no realy 16mdk
Stranger: wow im horny too
You: u didnt get it -.-
You: moron
Stranger: lets have cyber sex
You: omfgroflcopterwtfftw you ARE stupid
Stranger: y i have a huge dick that u would like
You: no but ya mam would
Stranger: lame
Stranger: moron
Stranger: gay
You: self -.-
You: gayfish : D?
Stranger: i would like to stick my 8 inch dick in ur ass
You: which 8 inch
You: i only se a pure n00b with a 2 inch pimpel between the legs -.-
Stranger: u should know doesnt ur mom tell u anything
You: fault, shes dead xD
Stranger: im sorry
Stranger: seriously
You: Owned agian
Stranger: no she really died she choked on my cock
You: yada yada yada
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You: Hey
Stranger: hey
You: I have a question
Stranger: wat?
You: oke here it is
You: Where do I find this disconnet button?
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: heyy
Stranger: (:
Stranger: m?
You: Yes.
Stranger: shit ur not into lesbians
Stranger: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey there
You: Where’s the disconnect button?
Stranger: …thanks
You: Where is it?
Stranger: right beside where you type
You: Oh, thanks.
You have disconnected.
Sorry for stealing the idea, Noa… 🙂
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: yeha, about that
Stranger: about what?
You: i dont eve n remember
Stranger: me neither
Stranger: *falls over*
Stranger: zzz
You: AW hail yes
Stranger: *wakes up* NO
You: gosh danit to expletive
Stranger: wat?
You: n/m
Stranger: r u drunk or high or somthing?
You: the sad part is, I’m none of those.
You: just slightly confused(ing)
Stranger: oh
You: yeah
Stranger: SPARTA!!!!!
Stranger: *kick*
You: PARASAILING!
Stranger: oh crap i forgot to dig that hole
You: *float*
Stranger: *pulls out large unusual machene*
You: w*winces*
Stranger: THIS IS MAH BOOMSTICK!
Stranger: *FIRES CIRCULAIR SAW AT U*
You: better than a broomstic, i guess
You: *does a barrel roll*
Stranger: *turns into jason vorhees*
Stranger: *sets self on fire*
You: *observes quietly*
Stranger: *throws flaming machete*
You: *avoids, conitnues watching*
Stranger: *changes into mysterious white mist*
You: *considers develpoments*
Stranger: *envelopes u*
Stranger: *changes into humanoid shape behind u*
Stranger: *grabs u by throat*
You: *hopes this doesn’t lead to unpleasantries*
Stranger: *takes u into the skies*
You: *flies like an eagle*
Stranger: *slams u downward*
You: *avoids develpoment by parasialing again*
Stranger: *floats gently 2 ground*
Stranger: *transforms into clone of u*
You: *waves hi*
Stranger: *smiles eviley*
You: *smiles evilly without mispelling it*
Stranger: *disappears*
Stranger: *evil laugh*
You: *didn’t reaize i could disappear*
Stranger: *falls from sky and lands on u*
You: *is still in sky myself*
Stranger: *creates 4 hologram replicates*
Stranger: *all 5* FREE SHOT
You: *PARTY TIME!*
You: hooray!
Stranger: *turns self and copies into michael jackson*
You: *quails slightly*
Stranger: AAOW!!!
Stranger: *challenges u 2 a dance off*
You: *perplexed*
Stranger: *flips a coin into jukebox*
Stranger: *plays “smooth criminal*
You: *wonders at sudden appearance of jukebox
Stranger: *destroys copies*
Stranger: get down here and fight like a man
You: *prefers tro avoid that, thanks all the same*
Stranger: *destrows jukebox
Stranger: *turns back into robot
You: *wasn’t aware you ever were a robot
Stranger: *uses jet pack to get closer*
Stranger: theres a lot u dont know about me
You: yes, that’s the thing about us being complete strangers
Stranger: SHUTUP!!!
Stranger: *fires circulair saw*
You: *ponders*
Stranger: *clips ur wings*
You: *doesn’t have wings*
You: It’s a parasial
Stranger: *breathes fire*
Stranger: how do you like my toys?
You: overall, I would be in favor of sometghing that doesn’t have such a high capacity for violence.
Stranger: hmm…
Stranger: will cake work?
You: I could run with that
Stranger: *creates giant man-eating cake and commands it to eat u*
Stranger: can you outrun it?
You: I doubt it.
You: Alas, my passion has consumed me.
You: *starts to eat cake from the inside out*
You: IT”S A WHOLE NEW WAY TO EXPERIENCE CAKE!
Stranger: okay, now THAT i didnt expext
You: expect the unexpected.
Stranger: changes back into mist
You: *sighs*
Stranger: having fun?
You: slightly bored by the uninspired development
Stranger: *envelopes u*
You: Now if you turned into a TESSARECT
Stranger: contracts*
You: how about this:
You: *Turns into a tesseract*
Stranger: *cancells attack*
You: *starts t fold in on myself as you envelop me*
Stranger: watches in curiosity*
You: *becomes a square*
Stranger: ?
You: *wiggles in satisfaction*
Stranger: *punts the square through a goal post*
Stranger: ITS GOOD!
You: *weighs a million tons retroactively*
You: sir, your toe is broken.
Stranger: im mist
Stranger: i dont break
You: mist cant kick
Stranger: throws rock*
Stranger: shutup
You: *can
You: t throw rocks either*
Stranger: *changes into a silver puddle*
You: *enjoys raining on your parade*
Stranger: forms into the shape of a human
You: *smiles and waves*
Stranger: nanomoleculair reassembly. impressed?
You: Fun!
Stranger: *holds hand up to face
Stranger: sort of like the t-1000 from termanator 2
Stranger: go ahead, give me your best shot
You: *becomes an indestructible being of unbreakable magma*
You: *kicks in your testicles*
You: I play dirty.
Stranger: *reforms *
Stranger: *finds a crack and slips through*
Stranger: now what?
You: i am magma.
You: you melt
Stranger: dimond casing on every nanobot
Stranger: and im sure u would overheat before i did
You: SIr, I am MADE FROM MAGMA
Stranger: science sucks, doesnt it?
You: i overheat constntly.
You: Its kind of what i do.
Stranger: hmm…good point
Stranger: *slips back out*
You: *commends your good sense*
Stranger: creates a shiny, silvery bubbel in midair
You: *develops add*
Stranger: *suddenly and rapidly decompresses it*
Stranger: *throws it at you*
Stranger: freezes u*
You: *it melts too.
Stranger: not exactly
You: fine
You: a* am now made from rock
Stranger: when matter is rapidly decompressed, it freezes.
You: okety doke.
You: *am now VERY COMPRESSED FROZEN rock
Stranger: what?
You: magma is lava.
You: superheated rock
You: if im frozen and compressed,
You: it seems sensible to me that i wuold then become frozen compressed rock
Stranger: so ur basically really really hot AND really really cold?
You: not anymore.
You: now im pretty mcuh just froze.
Stranger: ok then
You: awesome
Stranger: *drops u in root beer and makes a float*
You: *while forzen, am still rock*
You: *makes an extremely unappetizing float*
Stranger: well i dont see u doin anything about it
You: technically, if you eat me then i tink that counts as me gettin all up in yo grill.
Stranger: oh, not for me
You: ok
Stranger: *has a swarm of hyper kids come and drink u*
You: *breaks all of thier teeth*
You: *giggles quietly, in a rockish sort of way*
Stranger: *calls child services*
You: *maintains that you are the guilty party, since you called the kids while I am simply stting around being a tiny cold rock*
Stranger: tiny?
You: compressed
Stranger: got it
Stranger: hucks u into the sea
You: *dwells happily onocean floor*
You: IM part of an ecosystem!
Stranger: what do u do? i landed u near a magma vent
You: well then…
Stranger: fishes u out
You: *becomes magma again*
Stranger: burys u
You: *burns your hands*
Stranger: dimont
You: fine
You: *crawls out*
Stranger: oh, u move now?
Stranger: *doesnt care at this point*
Stranger: *throws u in the furnace*
Stranger: *sits in his hot tub*
Stranger: *with two hot chicks*
You: *melts stove*
You: crawls out*
You: *melts hot tub*
Stranger: aww dude! wtf!
You: in * in a noninjurious way to the ladies*
Stranger: u scared my girls away!
Stranger: i was even savin 1 4 U!
You: thanks
You: *turns into a classy dude*
Stranger: thanks wont bring them back
You: waves hi to the ladies*
You: a*and escorts them to my car*
Stranger: wtf…oh so thats where they went
Stranger: hey!
You: excuse me, i have soem business to take care of.
Stranger: *jumps un roof of car inconspicutavly*
You: *escorts the ldies out, and to a nice restaraunt*
Stranger: hides in ur tailpipe
You: but keeps the car moving off the edge of a cliff.
You: *with you stuck to the roof i coated with superglue recently*
Stranger: *finds his way into the ladie’s purse*
You: read the previous line, please
Stranger: *uses sulfuric acit to melt car
You: *points out that your hands are stucxk to the car roof.
Stranger: *turns finger into can opener and cuts his way out
Stranger: *disguises self as a fork*
You: *notes the car has launched into 600 feet of empty space by this point
Stranger: ur really stuck on that car part aren’t you?
You: its a fun detail
You: and anyway, your stuck too.
You: with superglue
Stranger: *turns into mist, floats back up, and turns back into the t-1000
Stranger: moving on…
You: *sighs says goodbye to the ladies, and runs away screaming like a little girl.
Stranger: wuss
You: heck yes i am
Stranger: *turns into copy of elvis and escorts the ladies to a meal of es cargot*
Stranger: *tells redhead to come with me and the blonde to wait for ” somone important*
You: the ladies jsut ate.
You: they feel insulted by your oblique way of saying they need to eat more, and run away crying
Stranger: damn
You: thats how i roll
Stranger: oh yeah…?
You: in a car that has a roof coated in superglue
Stranger: *rips balls off and staples them to ur forhead*
Stranger: roll now
You: *wonders why you would do that to your tender anatomy*
Stranger: ur balls…moron
You: welp, you failed to specify.
You: i maintain that this means your defualt to your new lack of manhood.
Stranger: reforms larger testicals
You: *finds these details of your personal life unpleasant*
You: removes your family jewelry from my forehead, thros it away with distaste*
Stranger: ok…ive had just about enough of you.
Stranger: *shoves metallic boot so far up your butt that u can taste it
You:
*turns back into plasma*
Stranger: *pulls foot out*
You: *thanks you*
Stranger: *puts hand out*
Stranger: alright…truce?
You: *accepts truce*
You: well played sir.
You: well palyed
Stranger: *returns to original form on handshake
Stranger: thank u
Stranger: 1 sec
Stranger: *turns around*
Stranger: *tinkers a bit*
You: *prepares to possibly flee*
Stranger: here is a sign of my gratitude for such a good fight…
Stranger: *hands u a strange machene
Stranger: pull the trigger
You: shooray!
You: ishoot a circular saw, i suppose?
Stranger: just do it
You: fine
You: *pulls trigger*
Stranger: *silver slime comes out and sits on ground
Stranger: whenever u squeeze this, u will be turned into the t-1000
You: *thats good to know*
Stranger: btw, the gun is now useless
You: aww
You: BUT!
Stranger: unless u want to use it as a cage or somthing
You: then you wake up, AND IT WAS ALL A DREAM
Stranger: *searches person to find silvery blob gone
Stranger: *knows where it went*
Stranger: goodbye, friend
You: farewell.
Stranger: btw, u can call me “robot”
You: I’ll keep you in my heart.
You: with the other suspects
Stranger: oh, and try not to swallow that little bugger
Stranger: he expands when frightened
You: you know it
You: and now sir, it seems the the time has for both of us to run away.
Stranger: no
Stranger: it is my time
You: the police are knocking, and I can’t go back there.
You: I WAS MEANT TO BE FREE
Stranger: SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hello
You: BOO!!!
Stranger: ahhh!
You: bwa ha ha
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i spent weeks on this site just trying to have an interesting conversation. then i realized all i had to do was say i was a 14 year old girl ;P
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Stranger: Hey
You: hi
Stranger: Pervert?
You: not I.
Stranger: Cool.
You: now that thats settled . . .
Stranger: You’re a men right?
You: i am not a men.
You: i am a women.
Stranger: Okay.
Stranger: That’s explains why you’re no pervert.:P
You: i’m sure there are lady perverts out there.
Stranger: Yeah?
You: i would assume.
Stranger: I thought only men are perverts.
You: enthralling conversation.
Stranger: Let my find out what that word means.
You have disconnected.
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I’m posting this because it contains the single most funniest sentence I think I’ve ever heard an omegle stranger say…
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: yo
You: hey
Stranger: you horny?
You: im on the internet, of course im horny
Stranger: word
Stranger: m/f?
You: haha, shouldnt you have asked that first?
Stranger: well why talk to you if you’re not horny
Stranger: listen cunt
You: yes
Stranger: I don’t wanna hear your bullshit
You: go on
You: right
Stranger: I’m a fucking trapeze artist and I don’t take shit from nobody
Stranger: especially some half-breed twat like you
Stranger: I mean
You: lol
Stranger: look at us
You: this is gold
You: continue
Stranger: oh this is fucking gold?
Stranger: fuck you man
You: yeah
You: no dont go, youre funny
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You: This is Paul from Omegle. We have received multiple complaints of inappropriate, lewd behaviour traced to your IP address. Your internet service provider will be alerted within the next 24 hours.
Paul
1(802)380-4064
Omegle Inc.
If you feel you have received this message in error, type 1 to connect to an Omegle representative.
Stranger: 1
You: Hi! I’m Jason, please state you question(s) and/or concerns.
Stranger: i do not feel i have behaved inappropriately
You: Please tell me what prompt you recieved, sir.
Stranger: saying multiple complaints of inappropriate behavious traced to my IP addres
You: Ah, I see sir. We’ve received a few complaints from other members traced to this IP address regarding inappropriate behavior and in some instances sexual solicitations of minors.
Stranger: such as?
You: Well, sir we have logs. Would you like to see the log of one of these conversations?
Stranger: sure
You: Very well, sir. Please give me a moment to look up our logs of your IP address.
Stranger: thanks
You: You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: hey there stranger
Stranger: yes
Stranger: how is going?
You: better, now that you’re here…
You: do you know what an ISP is?
Stranger: no I dont know
You: it’s called an Internet Service Provider, every computer has one
You: it’s basically a serial which identifies where the computer is, what district, what it’s connected to
You: it can be found, with the right methods, even on ‘anonymous’ sites such as this
You: did you know that?
Stranger: yeah I know
Stranger: that
You: so you must, because you seem like the intelligent type, know that I’ve collected your ISP
You: and that I’ll be at your house in an unscheduled amount of time
You: I’ll put you in a bathtub and slit your throat so the blood can drain. Then I’ll lay down a mat and chop your body up into pieces, according to limb and appendage size. Afterwards, I’ll put your decimated remains back in the tub and decompose your flesh and muscle with lye, leaving only bones. The bones, after scrubbing them with a sponge, will be put in a bag and buried in the woods.
You: see you soon, stranger.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: That was you sir.
You: Your conversational partner seemed quite distressed.
Stranger: i can comfortably say that that was not me
Stranger: honest to God
Stranger: that is actually horrific
You: Sir, who is the owner of the computer you are using?
Stranger: i am
Stranger: is it possible that a hacker could have done this??
You: Well then, sir, I am afraid to inform you that if the computer is under your name, then the IP address is associated with it and you will be held responsible.
You: Have you allowed anyone to use your computer in the last week?
Stranger: nope
Stranger: and i definitely do not know ANYONE who would say such things
Stranger: in any situation
Stranger: i’m sure you can tell by the way that i’m talking that i most certainly do not speak in such a manner
You: Well, to tell the truth, sir, it simply seems like a very sick joke.
You: Are you entirely sure one of your friends or such wouldn’t try such a thing?
Stranger: definitely
You: Well then, sir, I’m afraid I don’t see how I can help you.
Stranger: and i haven’t had any friend over recently
Stranger: but it’s not fair
Stranger: why should i get blamed when that wasn’t even me??
You: Ah, man, I’m just screwing with you.
You: I’m not really from Omegle.
Stranger: ah man i’m not even pissed off i’m so relieved
Stranger: tbh i guessed that cos u were trying to seem all polite u werent from omegle
Stranger: lol
Stranger: so that means
You: *shrug*
Stranger: that u were the one who did that previous convo
You: I figured that was how an employee would act.
You: Oh no, I wasnt the one.
You: That convo was pulled from a website where they have quotes of other Omegle jokes.
You: It was, quite frankly, the most groutesque one there, so that’s why I used it.
You: So, how much did you actually fall for it?
Stranger: a lot man
Stranger: shit i was so worried
Stranger: i had a virus or something
You: Dude, I’m sorry. I don;t usually take it that far. I couldn’t resist, you know?
Stranger: yeah it’s cool fella i forgive ya
You: Well, I better move along. There’s another 2,612 people left to troll. See ya.
Stranger: haha cool man
Stranger: later
You have disconnected.
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Stranger: hey
Stranger: hey are u a lady
You: tranny right here
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hello
You: I’m touching myself.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.
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Stranger: hi
Stranger: do u like fat girl?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: hi!
You: so you live in an igloo right?
Stranger: welll
Stranger: a brick one
Stranger: in a leafy everglade
Stranger: but otherwise, yes
You: In canada right?
Stranger: damned straight
You: So I was talking to my friend pet bever
You: Beaver
Stranger: oooh!
Stranger: I named my genitals too
You: I call my twins teetee and laurissa, but I call my underpatch mr. forest.
Stranger: I call them hermit crabs
You: Mr. Forest hasn’t been looking so good lately. 😦
You: He’s all droopy and whatnot.
You: Any advice?
Stranger: A good kick in the nuts should straighten that sucker out, I always say
You: In the cunt.
You: 😦
Stranger: falcon kick?
You: You rack up a combo of 50 points!
You: FALCON
You: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWNCH!
You: *Falcon punches nuts*
Stranger: I think you broke the universe
You: I divided by 0.
Stranger: wait, slow down there lassie
Stranger: how’d you know I’m in canada
You: x .5
You: You have a lumberjack as a father, right?
You: And a mother, as well, possiblymaybe?
You: Can I do an interview?
Stranger: It was flannelday today
You: It’s flannel day everyday!
You: Are you really canadian?
Stranger: maybe in the land of raining doughnuts where the grass is always green and the hookers are all virgins
You: YOU JUST BLOWN MY MIND
Stranger: shyeah I’m canadian
You: and im czechloslovakian 😀
You: I’m not czechloslovakian.
Stranger: so if I ever wanted to find you I now know what country to not look in
You: YOU IMTATING CANADIAN!
You: I mean, you don’t seem very friendly.
You: Are you sure you’re Canadian?
Stranger: bitch, please
You: Pull your overalls up when you’re talking to me, son.
You: No, don’t, I don’t want to see your cameltoe.
Stranger: overalls?
You: YOU IMITATING MALE.
You: Overalls go with flannel.
You: Basic canadian structure right thar.
Stranger: honeypie, i think you’ve got the midwest confused
You: Scott?
You: SHIT
You: RONALLD?
You: IS YOUR NAME RONALLD?
Stranger: nope
You: SHITSHITSHIT
You: WRONG PERSON
SORRY
Stranger: you’re entertaining 😀
You: SHIT
You: SCOTT?
Stranger: I don’t even need to troll you
You: You’ve got it all wrong, heer her.
Stranger: no bitch
Stranger: I’m canadian
You: THIS IS HOW YOU TROLL
You: COCKS!
You have disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.
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You: DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK
Stranger: hi
You: asl
Stranger: ?
You: agesexlocation
You: BBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH
You: Sorry, tourettes.
You: FUCK YOUR MOM
You: This is uncontrollable.
You: Man
You: ARGH
You: FUCKING
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
ITS OVER
You: 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!
You: FUCKING
You: Sorry.
You: About that, you know, tourettes.
You: MY MOM HUMPS MOOSE COW BEAR
You: ARGH
You: Goddamnit.
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Stranger: hi
You: U go to goth chat city?
You: I say licking my vampire lips
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: lol
You: did i miss the joke?
Stranger: no
Stranger: haha
You: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAH!
You have disconnected.
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You: Why dont you look at me anymore?
Stranger: ??
Stranger: asl
You: You used to think I was beautiful
You: I love the way you touched my tata
You: And now this!
You: Divorce?
You: Danny are you serious!
Stranger: yes i m
You: We have 3 kids together, they may be compost now but the love was there!
You: Let me out of this cellar!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Do u liek fat grl?
Stranger: no
You: Whyess not?
You: fat grl leik u
Stranger: ..
You: …
Stranger: omg
You: u have chocolate cake?
Stranger: yes
You: they cawl it devils delight
You: fat girl says
You: give me
You: your chocolate cake
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
You: or u will feel my fat gierl rage
You: my jelly rolls
You: /holes
Stranger: ??
You: that is
You: not chocolate cake
You: i keel u know
Stranger: ??
You: you speak the language of skinny people
You: this does not please fat girl
You: now you feel my jelly rawl rage
You: A WILD FAT GIRL APPEARS!
You: What do you do?
You: she uses jelly roll lvl. 5.
You: turning you into a piece of chocolate cake
You: she then continues to eat you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Ripped starter I know. x]
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You: Hi
You: ASL
Stranger: m
You: Wanna see my teenage t**s on webcam?
You: 14/f/uk
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: no webcam here
You: Want to see mine though?
You: I am so horny!
Stranger: picture
You: I will do whatever you say
Stranger: if you have
You: I don’t have pics but I have cam
You: What’s your MSN addy?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: tell me yours
Stranger: I add you now
You: No
You: I can’t accept
You: My MSN is f***ed up
You: I can only add people
Stranger: ok
Stranger: harrywanttomakefriends@live.cn
You: Thank you! Your email adress is now going all over the internet!
You: Thank you and you’re also being reported as a pedofile
Stranger: as you like
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: give me 1 reason why omegle doesn’t suck, please
You: all five of my previous conversations have just sucked
Stranger: ok
Stranger: it is good fun playing with pervs minds
You: 😛
You: true
Stranger: it is good fun to meet a very few good people
You: but i have this romantic notion of randomly meeting a great conversation partner
You: but all I get is “asl?” , which when replied with male results in a disconnect
Stranger: oh yeah? it only works in Hollywood
You: 😛
You: it only works for Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in bad remakes
Stranger: exactly
Stranger: you’ve got mail
You: indeed
You: so where, if not hollywood, are you?
Stranger: so u r a man
Stranger: how old r u?
You: 22
Stranger: from?
You: Belgium
Stranger: u see. the ovious thing to do now is disconnect
You: 😀
You: but that would be way too standard
You: so, you are male, I presume
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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xD I like this one. :3
You: ._.
Stranger: Hey
You: Hi.
Stranger: Hello.
Stranger: Hee.
You: Hello.
Stranger: Hoi.
You: ^^
You: xD
Stranger: Si
Stranger: Hey =]
You: Oi.
You: Hi.
You: ._.
Stranger: So what you wanna talk about?
You: kumqwatz and Nannerpuss
You: .
Stranger: Cool!
Stranger: Me too!
You: Nannerpuss, Nannerpuss!
You: *flails on pancakes*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: hey !
Stranger: hows it goin
You: funny !
Stranger: china?
You: no !
Stranger: where?
You: France
Stranger: oh ok
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this one’s made out of pure awesome.
Stranger: JOHAN?
Stranger: JOHAN!
You: YES ITS ME
You: HI
You: 😀
Stranger: Johan!
Stranger: It’s been forever!
You: i know hasnt it?
You: how are you?
You: hows jenna?
Stranger: …
Stranger: Jenna..
Stranger: Bad news.
You: what what happened?
Stranger: Don’t ever give Jenna a chainsaw.
Stranger: Because she’ll end up killing herself.
You: holy fuckin crap man! i told you that already!
You: god is she okay?
Stranger: Well, she’s missing an arm.
You: great
Stranger: And all her toes on her left foot.
Stranger: Not to mention her nose.
Stranger:
You: waht the hell was she doing?
Stranger: Cutting a tree.
Stranger: But I think she tripped.
Stranger: And rolled down a damn hill.
Stranger: With the chainsaw.
You: why would you leave her alone with a chainsaw, man?!
Stranger: I thought she could handle it.
You: no you assumed!
Stranger: Well my fucking bad, right?
You: when you assume you make and ass out of u and me, remember?
Stranger: …
Stranger: Yes.
You: geez man
You: i thought i could trust you
Stranger: Look, we can find a doctor.
Stranger: And then get him to make some pretty good prostectics.
You: what is she like bleeding or something right now?!
Stranger: She’s in the hospital.
You: jesus christ this is the last straw man
You: i cant do this
You: we cant be friends anymore
Stranger: But…
Stranger: Shit.
You: yes. shit indeed
Stranger: So… you want to take her into your care?
Stranger: You remember the last time she was there with you?
You: of course i do! that poor girl
You: what happened the last time she was with me?
Stranger: You almost lit her on fire!
You: i was drunk you cant blame me for that!
Stranger: You can’t just act like it’s okay!
You: hey dont try to change the subject! what happened is in the past!
Stranger: Just don’t get drunk while you’re while her okay?
Stranger: We gotta get her fixxed up.
You: you’re no the boss of me bucko!
Stranger: And then I gotta tell her parents.
You: i’ll get smashed whenever i want!
Stranger: …
Stranger: Alright fine!
You: fine!
Stranger: Maybe I should just go finish her off?
You: no dont do that!
Stranger: You want that?
You: no please!
You: i beg you!
Stranger: Alright then.
You: phew okay
You: thanks
You: for a minute there i thought you were for real
Stranger: Okay.
Stranger: Well… I still have to tell her parents.
Stranger: What should I say to them?
You: um…tell them…she was in a….um…accident
Stranger: Oh alright.
Stranger: “Hey your daughter was cutting down a tree, but she fucked up…”
Stranger: “And now she
You: hey she was in your care!
Stranger: ‘s missing a damn arm.”
You: damnit sometimes i just dont get why we’re friends with jenna in the first place
You: shes so dumb
Stranger: I’m just glad she’s not dead yet.
You: yeah but she was we wouldnt have to make up lame excuses to her parents as to why shes always in a cast!
Stranger: Why does shit like this always happen to her?
You: i dont know
You: i thinks shes cursed
Stranger: I know right?
Stranger: Like that time in Vegas, who gets hit with a car on the strip?
You: yeah you. remember that time adam went skiing with her and he broke his neck and she came home without a scratch?
You: damnit shes killing us all slowly
Stranger: I feel bad for saying this but… it’s either us, or her.
You: ……us.
You: we have to make a plan
Stranger: I’m listening.
You: a really good, fool proof one
You: one that she cant worm her way out of
You: lets see….
You: i know! we could –
Stranger: We could…?
You: HOLY SHIT JIMMY! SHES IN MY HOUSE SHES IN MY FUCKIN HOUSE!!
You: SHES GOT A KNIFE!!
You: OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL DO I DO??!!
Stranger: WHAT?!
Stranger: She’s missing an arm!
Stranger: Use a chair!
You: IN HER OTHER ARM YOU JACKASS!
Stranger: SOMETHING!
Stranger: Just go for her armless side!
You: SHES GETTING BLOOD ON MY DRY CLEANING!!! AHHHH!!!
Stranger: SHIT!
Stranger: Throw stuff at her!
You: IM GOING IN JIMMY, IM GOING IN! WISH ME LUCK BUDDY!!!!
Stranger: Johan, if you don’t make it… can I have your TV?
You: good news jiim- what the fuck? is that all you can think about, my friggin tv? no man, never. anyway she tripped on the stairs and fell on the knife.
You: i think shes dead so everythings okay
Stranger: Sorry Johan… Are you sure she’s dead?
You: of course i’m su- HOLY SHIT! SHES GETTING UP! SHES GETTING UP JIM! IM FUCKIN TERRIFIED!!
Stranger: …
Stranger: HIT HER WITH MORE SHIT!
You: IM TRYING!!
You: SHES BEHIND ME, OH GOD JENNAS BEHIND ME!!
Stranger: DO A BARREL ROLL!
You: Jimmy, it’s me Jenna. You’ve found out my secret, so I’m coming for you. Don’t try to run, Jimmy, because I’ll find you. I’ll find you, Jimmy.
You: i promise.
Stranger: …
Stranger: Shit.
Stranger: Jenna, calm down.
You: dude dude! she left, she jumped out the window! what’d she say to you man?
Stranger: SHE’S FUCKING COMING FOR ME!
You: WHAT?!!? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
Stranger: Are you okay?
You: RUN MAN RUN
Stranger: BECAUSE I’M FUCKED!
Stranger: What do I do?
You: HOW COULD WE LET THIS HAPPEN!?
Stranger: She said she’ll fucking find me!
You: okay okay jimmy lets be rational, just brea – OH MY GOD MAN YOU BETTER FUCKIN RUN!!
You: SHES A PYSCHO BITCH!!
Stranger: …
Stranger: FUCK!
Stranger: FUCK MAN!
Stranger: SHE’S HERE!!
Stranger: FUCK!
You: NO JIMMY!! RUN!!
Stranger: OH GOD HELP!
You: IM COMING JIMMY!
Stranger: djfhsfsdfdghg
You: DONT WORY I’LL SAVE YOU!!!
Stranger: It’s okay.
You: it is?
Stranger: Jimmy’s not here anymore.
Stranger: I guess I didn’t finish the job with you.
Stranger: Don’t worry.
Stranger: I’ll find you.
You: OH MY FRIGGIN GOD~~
Stranger: And I’ll make sure I finish you this time…
You: YOU’RE CRAZY JENNA!
You: I’LL KILL YOU FIRST!!
Stranger: I’ll fucking get yodsfsdfhdsfjkhesfeklj
You: JIMMY PLEASE TELL ME YOUR THERE!
Stranger: Jonah.
Stranger: I fucking shot her, man.
You: what the fuck? you have a gun?
Stranger: Yeah.
You: oh….cool.
You: so…its over?
Stranger: She’s fucking dead.
Stranger: I’m going to shoot her again.
Stranger: And again.
You: jeez jimbo calm down
Stranger: I’m going to make sure this will never happen again.
Stranger: DON’T TELL ME TO FUCKING CALM DOWN OKAY?!
You: okay…um…sorry, i guess.
Stranger: WE ALMOST FUCKING DIED.
You: WELL SORRY FOR TRYING TO BE RATIONAL!!
You: GOD I HATE YOU SOMETIMES MAN
Stranger: Fuck.
Stranger: Listen to me man.
Stranger: I’m going to bring her body over to your place in my car.
Stranger: Then we’ll talk about how we’re going to bury her.
Stranger: It’s not safe here.
Stranger: We gotta go man.
You: WHAT THE HELL? MY PLACE?!
You: NO WAY MAN NO WAY
You: YOU KEEP HER!
Stranger: C’mon!
Stranger: SHe’s fucking dead.
Stranger: And she’s gunna start to smell.
You: you think shes fuckin dead!
Stranger: I can’t do this alone!
You: so did i at one point!
Stranger: …
Stranger: If we bury her, there’s no way she can get us.
Stranger: I FUCKING SHOT HER.
Stranger: There’s no way she’s still alive.
You: oh please jiames were not even friends anymore
Stranger: …
Stranger: Shit.
Stranger: Shit.
Stranger: Fine, fuck.
Stranger: I’ll kill you too.
You: HOLY CRAP!
Stranger: You left me no choice.
You: NO PLEASE, JIM, CALM DOWN!
You: II’LL HELP YOU, I SWEAR I WILL!
Stranger: I didn’t want to have to do this.
Stranger: No amount of begging can stop me.
Stranger: Sorry man.
Stranger: I’ll be over to finish the job.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
i admit, i almost crapped my pants at the last line cause he disconnected immediately afterwards, which is equivalent to hanging up the phone right after telling someone you’re going to kill them.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: OMG HARRY!
You: IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!
Stranger: yes it’s me HARRY POTTER!
You: It’s been so long!
Stranger: ahah
You: Hows the magic?
Stranger: how’re you erm…SNAPE!
Stranger: it’s magical
You: LOL I killed dumbledore!!! ^^ OMGSTFU!
Stranger: snape i’ve got a confession too!
Stranger: that’s horrible
You: what what?
Stranger: i…i got a sex change
Stranger: i’m a sheila now!
You: Your…HARRIETE??
You: …Sheila?
You: Your an Aussie now?
Stranger: always have been ; )
You: Not English?
Stranger: i’m a polar bear
Stranger: ahahah
You: Harry! You lying bastard!
You: …Sheila! You lying bitch!! ***
Stranger: oii snape you need anger classes
Stranger: what did i tell you about your temper!
You: I mean…I killed dumbledore for fucks sake!!!
Stranger: please don’t rape me : X
You: I need the anger mangement classes!
Stranger: GOOD NEWS!
You: ?
Stranger: i signed you up 🙂
You: …for what?
You: ohhh
Stranger: the classes
Stranger: they have fluffy white walls
You: whos the counciller?
You: …That makes me angr
You: y
Stranger: -licks your cheek- : o
Stranger: happpy thoughts snape
You: No Harry! Don’t cheat on Ginny!
You: fanfiction writer will be running up the walls!
Stranger: but…but i love you snape!
You: …
Stranger: i’ve always had a thing for you
You: But I love Ron
Stranger: i need a confession box
Stranger: 😮
You: I mean…All that gingerness
Stranger: snape…
Stranger: you broke my heart
You: phew i’m getting all hot
You: …Oh sorry, I’m sure Hagrid will comfort you ;D
Stranger: it’s on the floor
Stranger: in a million cadrillion peices
Stranger: how will i live
Stranger: i’m going to die…
Stranger: cry
Stranger: cut my wrist
You: …A magic spell?
You: emo
You: You already have a scar on your forehead!
Stranger: don’t tell me what i know
You: Hows Voldemort btw?
Stranger: pretty pretty spiffy
Stranger: confession # 4375874328082 we fucked
You: …
You: But he’s MY fuck buddy!!
Stranger: next will be RON
You: :OOO
Stranger: he says hello
Stranger: ron stop touching me there!
Stranger: ahhhhhhhhhh
You: HE HAS SWINE FLU!
Stranger: AHHHHH AHHH AHHHHH
Stranger: that’s because he fucks with mexico
Stranger: i still love him
Stranger: swine flu or no
Stranger: hmph
You: Well it was nice catching up with you harry, see you in hogwarts! P.S – I’m coming for RON!!!!! >;D
You have disconnected.
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Inspired by Noiro 😀
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Heloo
You: I’m touching myself.
Stranger: Have fun?
You: Thinking of you.
You: mmmm
Stranger: X) wow
You: Why…Why don’t you join in?
Stranger: 2words
Stranger: Fuck you^^
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Soul mate?
You: Yes?
Stranger: Baby!
You: Honey!
Stranger: I’ve been searching EVERYWHERE!
Stranger: :O
You: …I’ve looked everywhere in the house!
Stranger: Oh shit!
You: What?
Stranger: I might be in the wrong house! :O
Stranger: did you drug me?!
You: :O
You: …No, that’s only on weekends.
Stranger: OhOH oh!
Stranger: Right ;D
Stranger: I’m also a man on the weekends.
Stranger: But at the moment, I’m a female.
You: How’s that working for you?
Stranger: Very well!
Stranger: I’ve made a bunch of money!
Stranger: I hope your ok with that baby!
You: …Doing what?
Stranger: me being a man on the weekends.
Stranger: I know I havent told you.. I’ve just been waiting for awhile to tell you..
You: How could you do this to me?
You: ?!?
Stranger: I’m so sorry babydoll.
Stranger: I just.. need to support our family!
You: What about the children?! What will they think?
You: What will they call them at school?!
Stranger: I know I need help..
Stranger: Baby, I’ll stop for you!
You: I can’t afford a counciller!
Stranger: That’s why I’m doing this!!
Stranger: YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!
You: Your being a man/female to get money to get a counciller to council you about being a man/female?!?!?
Stranger: YES!
Stranger: Thank you for listening!
Stranger: this is why I love you!
Stranger: No love back?
You: …Your fucked up John/Joan!!!!
Stranger: I know I know baby!
You: Who did I fall for?!? John or Joan??
Stranger: Joan!
You: I’m a lesbian?! How did we have children?!
Stranger: We adopted lover!
You: …Did you know I was female?
Stranger: There african, REMEMBER?!
You: LIKE MADONNA’S!
Stranger: YES!
Stranger: That’s what we were going for!
You: The “I’m super rich!” look.
Stranger: Yeah!
You: …but we can’t afford a counciller
Stranger: I was JUST about to type that!
Stranger: I swear to god!hahah
Stranger: Well find a way to work this out.
Stranger: I promise!
You: We could…Rob a bank?
Stranger: Oh yes!
Stranger: I have ski masks!
Stranger: Ahhh. Shit, Lover. I have to go! Fate will bring us back together. ;D
You: As it has today!
Stranger: goodbye!
Stranger: Yes! Yes!
You: farewell!
Stranger: Goodbye my lover!
Stranger: Goodbye my frienddd.
Stranger: ha.
Stranger: Bye dude!
You: 😛
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: I’m on the toilet right now.
Stranger: U have a iPhone or a laptop?
You: Yes but…I’m on the toilet so I can’t get them.
Stranger: Then how tje fuck are you typing
You: I’m a fucking bot!
Stranger: I’m on a boat mother ducker don’t you ever forget
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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