Since last night I’ve been obsessively connecting to Omegle.
It’s a simple site that just connects you to a random person, anonymously, for a conversation.
It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.
Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.
Still, it’s fun!
xkcd 
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Scrambled
You: can you tell me what this egg game is?
You: please
You: EGG!
You: AHHHHAHAHAHAH
You: I WIN!
Stranger: no the game
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I tried
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: A stranger drives along a lone highway late into the night……..
You: suddenly a flash of light in the dark, the reflection of a gold pocketwatch attached to a hand, thumb extended. a poor soul looking for a ride on this cold, cruel night
Stranger: where you headed son?
You: where you going?
Stranger: into branson
You: that’s fine. I just need to get as far away from here as I can
Stranger: hop in
Stranger: you into some law troubles?
You: *the young man leaves his wrecked car and jumps into the cab on this kind strangers truck
no-no, nothing like that. I crashed my car and I just need to find someplace to stay
Stranger: thats cool if you wanna keep it quiet
Stranger: but ive been in your shoes
Stranger: I may be able to help
You: *the young man seems grateful, but there’s something about him that make the driver uneasy. the man looks as though he’d been spooked. silence perces the air and it seems as though the trees lining the highway are closing in.
Stranger: you feeling ok son?
You: JUST THEN the young man looks ahead and shouts LOOK OUT.
*when the driver looks to the front to see what he’s yelling about he sees a girl in the road
Stranger: screeeeech
Stranger: hey what are you doing out there?
You: the girl is silent…
You: the driver looks over at the young man who is unfastening his seatbelt
Stranger: hey, where are you going? you know her?
You: the man says nothing but lurches over toward the drivers seat and jambs his left foot on the gas, lurching the rig forward.
Stranger: hey, stop man! we are going to hit that woman!!!
You: it’s too late. the truck collides with the girl, and her body is sent flying over the windshield
Stranger: what the fuck! why the fuck did you do that?
You: the young man returns to his seat. “i’m sorry to get you involved in all of this, but it was bound to happen anyway.
Stranger: bound to happen? what do you mean?
You: the woman following me is my neighbor. she’s been dead for 3 years now, but for some reason, she’s not dead now, and she’s a killer! I saw her eat her husband from my window. when I went to the phone to call for help, I heard a knock at the door. I ran for my car and drove like hell until I crashed where you found me
Stranger: why is she following you?
You: how the fuck should I know!? she just started screaming and running like crazy. she scared the shit out of me
Stranger: how did she die?
You: four years ago, she moved with my neighbor in that house. a year later, she just up and died. her husband buried her in the back without so much as a funeral. I didn’t press the issue because they were weird to begin with. They always burried weird things out in the back. I just thought they worshiped the earth or something, I didn’t think she would come back to fucking life and come after her husband and now me!
Stranger: did she see you watching her eat her husband?
You: I guess so, I ran right to the phone when I saw her chewing on his arm after ripping it off his fucking body
Stranger: this is crazy! am i dreaming?
Stranger: It seams so real. We need to get you far away from here.
You: just then there’s a thud on the roof of the cab. it keeps getting louder and louder until a mangled white hand bursts through
Stranger: Holy shit! *reaching under the seat to pull out the remington 870 shotgun*
Stranger: Boom, click click , Boom
You: a piercing ring fills the air and a blinding flash. you open your eyes again to reveal your alarm clock threatening you awake with its shrill cry
it was all a dream.
You have disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: A WILD ABRA APPEARS!
Stranger: ABRA USES TELEPORT!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: Salutations my dear
You: Do you like blimps?
Stranger: no
You: Oh
You: That’s a shame
You: I was hoping for a good conversation about blimps
You: Do you like steampunk?
Stranger: no
You: Goshdarnit
You: I am not having much luck here
You: What do you like?
Stranger: sex
You: I hate sex
You: It’s horrible
You: Whenever I have sex, I throw up
You: Mainly because my boyfriend is taking a shit in my mouth
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: …
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: Bye now.
You have disconnected.
…and THAT was my first chat.
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There was a lot of long wait times on responces for this one.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: …
Stranger: hi
You: Hello.
Stranger: whre are u from
You: I don’t want to provide that info…
Stranger: hmm okey
Stranger: f or m
You: M.
You: Also, Fruit Loops.
(LONG WAIT TIME HERE)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
…I don’t know.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: …
Stranger: …..
You: ……
Stranger: 🙂
Stranger: where do you live
You: At a place.
Stranger: hmm nice
You: Yes. It is.
Stranger: age sex and location?
You: Wrong.
You have disconnected.
What bothers me is the fact that he/she actually typed out, in FULL WORDS, asl.
And he/she typed location even though I obviously avoided that question.
Then there’s this one.
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Stranger: hi
You: ih
Stranger: asl?
You: Wrong/Wrong/Why should I tell you?
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi 🙂
You: Hello.
Stranger: asl?
You: Why do I get tons of people asking me this?
You have disconnected.
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And now, for something completely normal.
Connecting to server…
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: Hi.
Stranger: How are you, my friend?
You: I am good.
You: …
Stranger: Oh, i’m good also
You: Well, that’s good to hear.
You: Or, well, read.
Stranger: or whatever
You: Yeah.
Stranger: So, where are you from, my friend?
You: I prefer not to answer.
Stranger: why?
Stranger: are you ashamed of that?
You: No, it’s because I don’t want random people coming to my house.
Stranger: But tell me just your country
Stranger: it’ll work
You: That’s broad enough. United States of America.
Stranger: heh, you should’ve not told
Stranger: USA?? I would be ashamed
You: …why?
Stranger: It’s a country who invade other countries just because of economical reasons
You: …
Stranger: and it’s started the world economic crisis
You: …yeah, I guess you COULD say that.
You: So, what about you?
Stranger: what?
You: You asked me for my location, and now I’m asking for yours.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: I’m from Poland
Stranger: country you probably don’t even know where it is
You: You just read my mind there.
Stranger: i was just kidding
Stranger: I know where it is
Stranger: as you seem to be inteligent person
You: …um…I didn’t understand what you said right there.
You: …
You: ……
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hi
Stranger: asl
You: 20/M/Nebraska
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Is Nebraska really that bad?
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Once again, there’s a pang in me when reading your comment on Omegle and thinking ‘That’s how…I see it…’ as I do with so many of your comics.
Result : Spending at least an hour each day starting the conversation with ‘Hello, xkcd?’ in hope that the person on the other end is you.
No luck yet, but it’s only been two days.
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You?re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: what does the scouter say about his power level?
You: its 1006
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Maybe I read it upside-down.
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You: Hi!
Stranger: hey nigger!
You: … how did you know?
Stranger: fuck you
Stranger: bish
You: you misspelled “bitch”
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: ??????
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: ??????
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello!
Stranger: Im Michael Jackson. Owwwwww
You: LOL
You: I’m Farah…
You: Farah Fawcett.
You: http://news-briefs.ew.com/2009/06/farrah-fawcett-dies.html?xid=rss-feed-todayslatest-Farrah+Fawcett+dies+at+62
Stranger: Im Michael Jackson. Owwwwww
You: Damn, at least I died at 62…
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi
Stranger: hi
You: 🙂
Stranger: asl
You: … That was fast…
Stranger: …..
You: 17, Portugal
You: About the S… Do you want pre or post surgery?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You: So, where are you from? 🙂
Stranger: i am japan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: Ooh! 😀
You: Konnichiwa!
You: O genki desu ka?
Stranger: AHHHH
Stranger: YOU SPEAK JAPAN>>>???
Stranger: i never met anyone like that
You: Hai, demo sukoshi!
Stranger: goddamnit
Stranger: my cover is blown
Stranger: i didnt think you could speak japenese
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello.
Stranger: hey
You: What do you think about gay people?
Stranger: um…they’re gay!
You: And..?
Stranger: and venus rhymes with their most famous thing in the world.
Stranger: favorite*
You: Well, I was talking about gay and lesbian community.
You: (and bi, eventually)
Stranger: which one are you O_O
You: Lesbian, thank you very much.
Stranger: im…a lesbian.
Stranger: i just came out of my closet 39 seconds ago.
You: Cool.
Stranger: indeed, so is vaginas. did i mention i love them? as a girl? SCISSORSSSSS!
You: :O
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: fuck’s up, bro?
You: sis.
Stranger: correct
You: …
Stranger: how YOU doin’?
You: I’m fine, thank you. How about you?
Stranger: i don’t know, i’ve been better.
You: Yeah, me too, but gotta think positive.
You: VAGINA!
You: (Sorry, having lesbian thoughts)
Stranger: cool.
Stranger: judging from the simpsons wiki article on michael jackson i cant tell if he really guest starred on the show or not.
Stranger: it’s really confusing.
You: didn’t hear about that.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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THIS IS WORTH READING!
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: JONAS BROTHERS!!!?
Stranger: Hi! My name is Bond, James Bond.
You: NICK JONAS LOVES YOU
Stranger: okay
You: DO YOU LIKE NICK JONAS???!!
You: OR JOE JONAS
You: OR KEVIN JONAS
Stranger: Well, if I told you that, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you!
You: WHY?
Stranger: it’s classified
You: WHAT DOES THAT MEANNN???
Stranger: i treat it as top secret
You: i can keep secrets. im very secretive
Stranger: only the dead can keep secrets
You: heheheh. wait..
Stranger: so if i told u that i’d have to kill u
You: but what if i got away
Stranger: i will hunt u
You: what if i change locations, looks, family, IDENTITY!. then what
You: ?
Stranger: that’s something u can never change
Stranger: such as ur finger prints
Stranger: DNA
Stranger: i will hunt u no matter where u go
You: wear gloves! shave your head
You: what if i kill myself before you get to me?
Stranger: then u are dead, and the secret can be kept forever
You: ugh. james bond you are way too complicated
You: why?
Stranger: Well, if I told you that, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you!
You: UGHHHHH
Stranger: lol
You: THEN WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME??
You: ISNT THAT A DECRET TOO?
Stranger: my name is well known
You: *SECRET
Stranger: it’s not a secret
You: …well it is to people who live under rocks
You: HAH
Stranger: okay whatever
You: MUAHHHAAHAHA I PROOVED JAMES BOND WRONGG!! YESSS . I AM A LEGEND
You: 😀
Stranger: u are legend?
You: YES!
Stranger: is your name Robert Neville? The only survivor living in New York city?
You: if i told you that i would have to KILL YOU
Stranger: okay
You: hehehe im so mighty
Stranger: tell me and kill me
You: …butttt
Stranger: do it
You: thats my uncle
Stranger: who?
You: no wait its my aunt!
You: Robert Neville
Stranger: what?
You: ROBERT NEVILLE IS MY AUNT!
Stranger: ….
You: DID YOU HEAR ME THIS TIME?
Stranger: okay
You: what you didnt know he had a niece?
Stranger: no
Stranger: where are u?
You: the burmuda triangle. where are you wait lemme guess ud have to kill me..
Stranger: exactly
You: im chillin with the evil fellas
Stranger: who cares what u do
You: *sniffle* that wasnt very nice of you..
Stranger: so?
You: EVER HEARD OF FEELINGS?
You: EVERYONE HAS THEM!
Stranger: cry to ur aunt?
You: but hes in new york rememberrr. or were you lieing
Stranger: no
Stranger: peopel call me 007
You: your point, its just a number
Stranger: I am agent 7 from MI6
You: like i care
Stranger: u do
You: nope. to tell the truth ive never even seen one of your movies 😀
Stranger: my movies?
Stranger: i am not an actor
You: …
Stranger: i am an agent
You: uhhh. then why is there like 4 or 5 movies out with your name on the title
Stranger: i dunno
Stranger: maybe they heard my stories
You: oh so now your an author?
Stranger: no
Stranger: i am not
You: but you said you had stories
Stranger: yes
Stranger: my stories
You: that you wrote?
Stranger: everyone has his own stories
Stranger: no
Stranger: my real stories
You: wait if your an agent why are you wasting your time on a computer??
Stranger: ever mission i have completed
You: shouldnt you be fighting bad guys or something
Stranger: i am on holidays
You: …its not a holiday!?
Stranger: it’s my holiday
You: oh well happy james bond holiday then!
Stranger: okay
You: hehe
Stranger: are u interested in joining out sercet service?
Stranger: our*
You: ooooh! what is it??
Stranger: MI6
You: YESSS!
You: when am i in
Stranger: well, i need to know more about u first
You: like what
Stranger: age
Stranger: height
Stranger: weight
Stranger: gender
Stranger: ur eduaction level
You: thats a little weird..
Stranger: ur blood type
Stranger: etc.
You: well im 101 years old, im 10 ft. tall, i weigh 489672389 lbs. im a girly, im in 0th grade, and my blood type is 50k :]
You: now am i in
You: 😀
Stranger: …
You: 😀
Stranger: u are nuts
Stranger: we cant take u
Stranger: sorry
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You: IM NOT NUTS I PROMISEEE
Stranger: okay
You: 8D
Stranger: but u are dishonest
You: nu uh
You: well
You: no…
You: maybe..
You: uhm
Stranger: u are
Stranger: so if u dont tell me honestly
Stranger: i cant help u
You: fine fine fine. just give me time to type it out hang onnn.
Stranger: okay
You: age-14, height-5’2, weight- 126, gender- female, my education level-freshman, idk what my blood type is
You: am i in now?
Stranger: u are 14 and u are a freshman?
You: yes
Stranger: well
Stranger: that’s over quilified
You: what does that mean
You: ???
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: my mistake
You: ??
You: im confusedd am i in or not??
Stranger: u are over qualified
You: is that a yes or a no
Stranger: no
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LIFE IS OVVVEEEERRRRR!!!!!!
Stranger: we are looking for a kid spy
You: im accualy 13
Stranger: but u are a freshman
You: no
You: middle schooler
You: i lied
Stranger: so u lied
You: yes
Stranger: that’s also disqualify u
You: ughh.
Stranger: we dont take liars
Stranger: we gave u a chance
Stranger: and u lied again
You: REALLY YAYYY
You: no..?
You: i dont think i did
Stranger: u did lie
Stranger: u admited
You: when
Stranger: Stranger: middle schooler
You: so u lied
Stranger: i lied
Stranger: yes
You: i was saying i lied after i said middle schooler but then yours popped up
Stranger: so u lied
You: YES I LIEDABOUT BEING 14 AND A FRESHMAN
You: the rest is true
Stranger: so u are disqualified
You: ugh.
Stranger: i cant help
You: :[ i thgout i had a chance…
Stranger: no
You: damnit
You: how old are you james bond?
Stranger: 45
You: uhhh..
You: ummm..
You: why are you so old
Stranger: Well, if I told you that, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you!
You: my dads that age..
You: i think i might leave now..
Stranger: okay
Stranger: bye
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hiiiii
You: hey there gurlfrann
Stranger: no
You: boyfrann
Stranger: oh i understand..im girl haha
Stranger: how about u?
You: wait u boyfran or gurlfann?
Stranger: gurlfrann
Stranger: im girl
You: me too gurrll
You: high fivee
Stranger: haha im 18
You: im twentay zero
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Wow, that’s new.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: asl??
You: I am male, so you might as well disconnect.
You: Do it, asshole.
You: Go.
You: Like I give a shit, anyway.
Stranger: fuck
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hi
You: I’m a penis person.
Stranger: fuck you.
You: That’s what I do.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hi
You: I’m a penis people.
Stranger: fuck you.
You: That’s what I do.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Stranger: Welcome to Popeye’s, how may I help you?
You: I want three hookers and a dildo, please.
Stranger: ok 3 hookers and a dildo
Stranger: do you want fries with that?
You: Yup.
Stranger: that’ll be $298.56
You: I’ll give you $250, okay?
Stranger: hmmm ok
Stranger: but wait… theres more!!! ill double the offer!
Stranger: pay only 260
Stranger: do you still want this order?
You: Billy Mays? Is that you?
Stranger: shit how you know?
Stranger: dont tell anyone
You: Everyone thinks that you are dead.
Stranger: ye but i shaved my beard and work at Popeyes now
You: Huh. Okay.
Stranger: so you want this order?
You: Yes.
Stranger: *Punt* BAW GAWD!!! OMG HE DID IT!!!! THE PUNT RIGHT IN THE SKULLL (you just lost the game)
You: So, will you still give me six hookers and two dildos? (you lost the game too, by the way)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hiyah
You: War was beginning.
You: Captain: What happen ?
You: Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
You: Operator: We get signal.
You: Captain: What !
You: Operator: Main screen turn on.
Stranger: You won’t survive. Make your time.
You: Captain: It’s you !!
You: CATS: How are you gentlemen !!
You: CATS: All your base are belong to us.
You: CATS: You are on the way to destruction.
You: Captain: What you say !!
You: CATS: You have no chance to survive make your time.
You: CATS: Ha ha ha ha….
You: Operator: Captain !! *
You: Captain: Take off every ‘ZIG’!!
You: Captain: You know what you doing.
You: Captain: Move ‘ZIG’.
You: Captain: For great justice.
Stranger: Amusing, I must admit
You: It truly is.
Stranger: Zero Wing, correct?
You: Yup.
Stranger: how many people have you talked to actually know that?
You: I don’t know. This is the first time that I used that meme to troll.
Stranger: ha
Stranger: I guess you got lucky
Stranger: Not many people know their memes
You: True.
Stranger: Troll On…
You: Indeed.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Egg?
You: I’m a-trolin’ for a noobie.
Stranger: damn. well wanna talk?
Stranger: about the game
You: Sure.
You: You just lost, by the way.
Stranger: haha.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: do you get high?
You: I go to high school.
Stranger: all the more reason too
Stranger: high school sucks
You: It’s where you go to get high.
Stranger: good work
You: Thanks.
Stranger: have you started tryin other stuff yet?
You: Yeah.
Stranger: what all have you been able to get?
You: Chocolate ice cream.
You: I’ve never tried it before.
You: Good stuff; gets you stoned.
Stranger: so thats a no on vicodin?
You: I’m not really that big on anything containing hydrocodone, actually.
You: And that definitely includes para-acetylaminophenol.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: *appears in a flash of light*
You: I am Q.
Stranger: I am T.
Stranger: nice to meet you, Q.
You: It’s nice knowing a creature with a tiny human mind such as yours.
Stranger: thanks?
You: If you wish to consider that a complement, that is fine.
Stranger: you sound pretty arrogant, mister Q.
You: I am omnipotent. Of course I am arrogant.
Stranger: mmk then what am i doing right now
You: You are currently using your tiny human mind in an attempt to comprehend my greatness.
Stranger: not quite
You: Care to elaborate?
Stranger: well, that was sarcasm
Stranger: its honestly not what i’m doing at all
You: Yes it is.
You: And you know it.
Stranger: gb2 star trek Q
You: I choose to do so only because it suits my purpose.
You: *snaps fingers and disappears in a flash of light*
You have disconnected.
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: bye
Stranger: ?
You: BYE, DAMMIT!
Stranger: why?
You: GODFUCKINGBYE!!
You: I DON’T CARE WHY!
Stranger: ok bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Stranger: pls help me
Stranger: i have met two girls who are big lier
You: Hey! I’m trollin’ here.
You: 😡
You: Oh, okay….
You: Tell me your crap.
You: But, make it snappy!
Stranger: are you a girl
You: How is my gender relevant to this conversation?
Stranger: two girls made me horny and
Stranger: they had disconnetcted before i cummed
You: Wow, that’s one severe medical condition.
Stranger: yess
You: You will need a whole team of international surgeons around the clock.
Stranger: hey will you help me?
You: Now, what do you want me to do?
Stranger: and are you a girl?
You: I don’t have the medical expertise necessary to fix your problem, anyway.
Stranger: are you a virgin
Stranger: 🙂
You: …and, I am male. Sorry to disappoint your sorry ass. 😛
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hi!
Stranger: Hi, i`m a bored 14 yr old male who would like to see some naked pics. Would you like to share me some?
You: Nah, I’m not really into Pokemon.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: He
Stranger: masturbate or sleep?
You: I’ll take a tertium quid, please.
You: Because, that dichotomy appears to be false.
You: Don’t you concur?
Stranger: shut your face. you’re pretending to be clever.
You: I AM clever.
Stranger: what university did you go to?
You: I am a highschool student.
Stranger: thick cunt
You: Asshole.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: m/f?
You: Before or after the surgery?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: /b/?
You: xkcd
Stranger: mmmm
You: just one m
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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I just killed a guy!
Stranger: http://disc.420chan.org/.jpg
Stranger:
Stranger: creepy pic
Stranger: also
Stranger: hello
You: hello
You: so, what do you think about the 2038 problem?
Stranger: 2038 problem?
You: remember y2k?
You: this could be even worse!
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: how so?
You: we run out of seconds that we can represent with 32 bits, in unix
You: which means there’s no time left
You: better switch to 64 bit
Stranger: i see
You: with 64 bits, we’ll be okay until the year 292,277,026,596
You: then, all bets are off!
You: but we’ll be overrun by raptors by then
Stranger: how hard would it be to switch from 32bit to 64bit?
Stranger: and raptors are awesome…
You: well, we are in the process already
You: you… you’re a raptor, aren’t you!
Stranger: i am not a raptor
Stranger: just a fan
You: prove it
Stranger: how
You: are you wearing a hat?
Stranger: ?
Stranger: not right now
Stranger: but i wear a hat sometimes
You: raptors sometimes wear hats
Stranger: its a black Bowler
You: did a girl steal it from you once?
Stranger: how do you know raptors wear hats??
Stranger: no 😦
You: i’ve seen pictures
Stranger: im so ronery D:
Stranger: show me these pictures please
Stranger: of raptors in hats
You: just a second
Stranger: okay
You: http://echochamber.me/download/file.php?avatar=16_1237709764.jpg
Stranger: oshit
Stranger: thats fukken dangerous
You: yup
Stranger: hey, does this pic scare you?
Stranger:
You: quick, get a shovel!
Stranger: okay got one
You: great, now dig a hole
Stranger: okay brb
You: six feet deep and wide
Stranger: done, but its kind of sloppy if thats okay
You: ahh, the cops are coming! quick, you hide in the bottom and i’ll hide the shovel
Stranger: okay
Stranger: im in
You: *i whack you on the head and fill up the hole with dirt*
gotcha!
Stranger: you’re mean
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: Testicular cancer will curse you.Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: hi
Stranger: do you like pie?
You: !
Stranger: well do you?
You: ?
Stranger: 🙂
Stranger: not very chaty r u
You: .
Stranger: ok
Stranger: which will you use next ,.::{}*>
You: ?
You: :
Stranger: no you have already used that one pick another
You: )
You: um
You: “”
Stranger: _,,,,,,,_
,88888888888,
,888′ `888,
888′ 0 0 `888
888 0 888
888 888
888 ,000, 888
888, 0 0 ,888
‘888, ,888’
‘8JGS8888888’
Stranger: o didnt come out right 😦
You: that’s what she said!
Stranger: it speaks
You: what? no!
Stranger: and again
You: ?
Stranger: i have cured your dumness vote for me as next jesus
You: okey dokey
Stranger: dokey?
You: rhymes with smokey
You: like the mountain
Stranger: kk never heard of it
Stranger: anyway do you like pie
You: kk? like Krieg Kolster?
Stranger: Krieg Kolster is a pie i like where this is going
You: it is?
Stranger: i though you knew
You: i thought i did too
Stranger: i liked it better when you just send my the odd keyboard symbol
You: ?
Stranger: yay 🙂
You: !
You: (?)
Stranger: o didnt see that one coming :s
You: : K
You: :F
You: :B
Stranger: are your sure you should be sending me letters
You: K?
You: %
You: http://blag.xkcd.com/2009/04/03/omegle/#comments
Stranger: checking
Stranger: ………
You: cashing
Stranger: which one is you?
You: heven’t gotten anything interestign yet
You: i’ll post this as a comment once we’re done tho
Stranger: kk i aim to please
Stranger: gotta keep up my rep on this site
You: haha
Stranger: i dont know what id do if i lost the respect of all single lonely occsonly horny guys respect
You: me neither
You: it’ important
Stranger: dam well is if i didnt talk to them they may end up on dataline
You: ?
You: !
Stranger: lost your voice again
You:
You: quick, i need to charge muh lazer
You: what do i charge it with?
Stranger: pie
You: no, SHOOPDAWHOOP!
Stranger: why why DID you shOOT those immergrants
You: cause they were singing the immigrant song
Stranger: they had such a great future ahead of them of cleaning hotel rooms and asking me for money
You: yeah
Stranger: :,(
You: i always thought that if immigrants used pokeballs to cross the border, there would be a lot more illegal immigrants
You: !#!
Stranger: i though maybe the could put a hiltain hotel on the border
You: ?
Stranger: that way the migrent can enter from the back and still work
You: ^&^?
Stranger: well i have to go now.
You: aaw
You: bai
Stranger: didnt make this harder tHAN IT ALREADY is
You: http://blag.xkcd.com/2009/04/03/omegle/#comments check that page for this convo
Stranger: kk ill check it out later bye 🙂
You: bais!
You: man, you type slow
Stranger: before i go here a link for you bye http://mikes-table.themulligans.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/pumpkin_pie-8.jpg
Stranger: i was searching a link
You: yummy
Stranger: k bye bye for real now 😀
You: bai
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: heya
You: We’re no strangers to love,
You: You know the rules and so do I.
You: A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,
You: You wouldnt get this from any other guy.
You: I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,
You: Gotta make you understand…
Stranger: rick rolling is so old lmao
You: Never gonna give you up,
You: Never gonna let you down,
You: Never gonna run around and desert you.
You: Never gonna make you cry,
You: Never gonna say goodbye,
Stranger: nice 2006 meme bro
You: Everyone says that.
You: Why?
Stranger: kinda lost its meaning now
Stranger: nobody really cares
You: In a matter of months?
Stranger: pretty much
Stranger: i guess your new
You: This is a shocking collective decision.
You: I must psychoanalyze everyooooooone!
You: Wooooooooooooohoooooo!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: girl?
You: Do you have a penis?
Stranger: yes
You: I have a penis.
You: We must rub our penises together in a celebration of /b/rotherhood!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: The grapes are singing.
Stranger: Hell yea
You: I think that the grapes are happy.
Stranger: Are you happy too?
You: Not as happy as the grapes.
You: But, I am a bit happy.
Stranger: Ask grapes to lend you some happiness
You: They are too busy.
Stranger: Doing what
You: Having a orgie.
Stranger: Omg i want to’ be’ a grape too!
You: Yeah, me too.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: hello, xkcd?
You: i’m not a bot i swear
Stranger: how r u?
You: are you a bot?
Stranger: bot?
You: robot
You: computer program acting like a person
You: they put things like that on here all the time.
Stranger: asl?
You: 25musa
Stranger: du u have girls msn?
You: did you cry in The Land Before Time, when Little Foot’s mother died?
Stranger: on your msn
Stranger: hey
Stranger: i want to camsex
You: then go to a camsex website!
Stranger: but i cant find girls
Stranger: i want to do lively
You: realitykings.com kid,
You: just pay for it.
You: or naked.com
You: or whatever
You: you’re a bot.
You: prove you’re not a bot
Stranger: fuck u
Stranger: ok
Stranger: it is proof
You: ok, if you’re not a bot, then you can answer this question
You: did you cry in The Land Before Time, when Little Foot’s mother died?
Stranger: no
You: bot
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: do you like xkcd?
Stranger: yeah
You: or dota?
Stranger: i read it whenever it updates
Stranger: xkcd
Stranger: not dota
You: do you read his blog?
You: or, has he calls it, his blag
Stranger: sometimes
Stranger: he pointed here
Stranger: i know
You: haha, you are a second genius
You: i’m tempted to disconnect here, and just post the convo there on the comments
Stranger: lol
You: we should both do it.
Stranger: isnt that post old tho?
Stranger: its from a while ago
You: you can still comment on it.
Stranger: but no one will read it
You: here watch. go there in a minute
You have disconnected.
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My hobby:
Making people like this paranoid
Stranger: the game
You: yes
Stranger: you just lost it
You: fail!
Stranger: no u
You: btw…as we were chatting there I hacked into your system and left traces of child pornography. Have fun in jail!
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Stranger: hi
You: Hey, are you the clown midget that stole my big toe?
Stranger: nope
You: Oh. Well how has your day been so far?
Stranger: lame
You: What have you done?
Stranger: work
You: Do you still have both of your big toes?
Stranger: yup
You: That’s always a plus on Sundays especially.
You: Why are you working on a Sunday?
Stranger: some stuff that needs to be done
Stranger: I’m not working anymore
Stranger: I’ve finished.
You: Well you should go outside or watch a movie or talk to random people on the internet.
Stranger: probably
You: If you see any clown midgets please punch them in the face for me.
Stranger: ok
You: Thank you. Have a nice day.
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You: Help me
Stranger: welcome
Stranger: how?
You: I’m trapped in a shoe factory and a clown midget stole my big toe.
Stranger: wtf?
Stranger: where are you?
Stranger: i mean where’s the shoe factory
You: Underground.
Stranger: where is it under?
You: somewhere in texas
Stranger: sorry too far away
Stranger: cannot help
You: Dammit.
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yay, a raptor related convo:
Stranger: Hey
You: Please don’t tell me you’re on the internet.
Stranger: i happen to be actually on the internet
You: I asked you not to tell me that!
Stranger: i cant lie to you
You: What about cake?
You: Would you lie about cake?
Stranger: if i was a cake
Stranger: maybe i would lie
Stranger: to make someone not eat me
You: Hmm.
You: But if you were a cake, you would be baked before you were cake.
You: You would be baked, and then there would be cake!
Stranger: maybe the baking part is really the birthing process for cakes
You: Maybe… oh the opportunities I’ve missed!
Stranger: i know its horrible
You: Yes.
You: So, do you like grape juice?
Stranger: i love it
You: I should hope so.
Stranger: im not african american though
You: Otherwise I might suspect you of being a raptor.
Stranger: even though thats a sterotype
Stranger: raptors dont liek grape juice?
You: They are allergic to it!
You: I don’t know whether they liek mudkipz. If I meet a raptor I should ask it.
You: Before shooting it with my grape juice supersoaker.
Stranger: is reptar from the rugrats a raptor?
You: I have absolutely no idea.
Stranger: the green dinosaur
You: I don’t follow rugrats.
Stranger: not even as a kid?
You: Nope.
You: However, I could guess that it is likely the case.
You: Better not to take any chances.
You: Some raptors have been known to wear hats!
Stranger: hat are raptors?
Stranger: what
You: Short for veliciraptors
You: I mean velociraptors
You: oops
Stranger: omfg reptar is totally one
You: aaaaaaaargh!
Stranger: he’s the king of the ozone too
You: Ozone is bad for your health, if you breathe it!
You: This is a terrible, terrible blow.
Stranger: yeah dont breathe ozone!
Stranger: maybe trade kingdom ship of the ozone with something else
Stranger: what do raptors love?
Stranger: other then hats
You: Apart from tearing people apart?
Stranger: yes apart from that
You: I’m afraid I don’t know.
Stranger: i think you must befrined one to learn its weaknesses and turn ons but only as a secret
You: I think they might like waterslides.
Stranger: yes that seems appropriate for raptors
Stranger: they need giant ones though
Stranger: maybe try texas since everything is bigger there
You: Hmm
You: You have a good point.
Stranger: hahaha
You: This is possibly a good place to start: http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/search_history.png
Stranger: ohhh
Stranger: good thinking
You: hey, maybe they like cake!
You: Perhaps if we lure the raptors into a fire and bake them…
Stranger: how can i tell if my neighbors are raptors
You: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090219124132AALnFQr
Stranger: thank you!
Stranger: very long answer
You: Yeah, and then it gets cut off before it’s finished.
Stranger: raptors murdered oj’s wife!?
Stranger: i always knew it wasnt him
You: Y’know, this is my first try at omegle today and I actually got a decent conversation! What were the odds?
You: LOL
Stranger: hahahaha
Stranger: i know i thank you i have learned how big of a problem raptors are
You: usually I get a dozen ‘asl’ or ‘from?’ or worse, first.
You: Glad to be of service.
You: also, if you ever do any computer programming, don’t use GOTOs
Stranger: what is that?
Stranger: god i hate asl’s
Stranger: i need to find 80-8000 poisioned dolphin meat quick
You: http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/goto.png
You: and the m/f?s are equally annoying
You: I usually answer “before or after the surgery?” and that gets rid of them pretty quickly 😛
Stranger: OH MY GOD
Stranger: i will enver use goto
Stranger: hahahahahah!!!
You: great 😀
Stranger: good answer
Stranger: i dont want that to happen to me…
You: and for asl, come up with something ridiculous or pretend to be a fictional character…
You: can turn someone else’s lameness into fun 😛
Stranger: hahaha
CAPTCHA: Dr murks.
who?
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hello, I’m from the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints
You: ooh boy, a mormon
Stranger: Hello, I’m from the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints
You: I’m from the church of the flying spaghetti monster
Stranger: Hello, I’m from the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints
Stranger: I would like to offer you a free copy of the Book of Mormon
Stranger: And remember:
Stranger: If you refuse
Stranger: We have people watching you EVERYWHERE
You: yes, I do need a paperweight
Stranger: When you think we’re not watching you
Stranger: We’re watching you
Stranger: Our magic underwear has hidden cameras in it
Stranger: as well as our ties
You: so when am I getting my free copy?
Stranger: Please allow two to three business days for two of our representitives to hand-deliver it to your doorstep, along with our message of love, polygamy, and theocracy.
You: looking forward to it. They are invited to lunch too, pasta and meatballs of course
Stranger: Very well
Stranger: Joseph Smith loves you!
You: may he be touched by the divine noodly appendage
Stranger: See you in the Temple!
You: ramen!
Stranger: Until next time, potential convert…
Stranger: We will be watching you! 😀
You: i’m an exhibitionist, my pleasure!
Stranger: 🙂
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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