Since last night I’ve been obsessively connecting to Omegle.
It’s a simple site that just connects you to a random person, anonymously, for a conversation.
It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.
Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.
Still, it’s fun!
xkcd 
dang that elusive control button
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: Hi
Stranger: hi
You: dont leave
You: something
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: i;m checking it
You: is worng with my TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: computer
You: no dont
Stranger: waht
You: its TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! a spam site
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! i thinkTheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: i;m so fucking confused
You: my pc may TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! be infected
Stranger: oh
You: please help TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: what do i suppose to do
You: it’s TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! very annoying
Stranger: i get it
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! I dont knowTheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: don’t you have a anti virus software
You: i cant go online, because TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! only that site TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! comes up
You: and this one
Stranger: do you have an MSN?
Stranger: i can download a web browser for you
Stranger: safari or opera or firfox
Stranger: ie is easy to get hacked
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! i have the TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! explorer
You: is that bad?
You: oh hey
You: no TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! ads
You: fuckTheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: this is so interesting
You: i dont TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! have msn
Stranger: you’d better change a web browser
You: should i buy one?
Stranger: not neccessary
Stranger: they are free
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! but free is bad isnt it
Stranger: no
Stranger: those most popular web browsers are all free
You: they are TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!?
Stranger: safari,opera,firefox,whatever
You: arent they TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! micosoft?
Stranger: IE is from microsoft
Stranger: safari is from apple
You: apple?
You: jk rightTheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: they only make ipods
Stranger: they also produce some softwares
Stranger: and operating system
Stranger: mac os
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! oh
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: crap
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: ohno
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: more and more
You: fuck.
You: i hate TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! computers
Stranger: computers are easy to handle
You: no
Stranger: if you have a cool anti virus software
You: they are full of bad TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: things
You: i got something from kazaa
Stranger: because there are sb pretty good at handling computers so there are viruses
You: D-Light virus TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: anti virus
Stranger: norton is good i think
Stranger: but it’s not free
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: cool
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: it’s started
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: gah
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: v
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: cant i stop it?
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: you’d better change a browser
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile! TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
You: TheSmizz.com It’ll Make You Smile!
Stranger: ah
Stranger: you just typed a “v”
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or send us feedback.
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I feel that Randalls dream has been realized
Connecting to server?
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You?re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi
Stranger: Hi, where are your from
You: Im from the internet
Stranger: Oh. what part?
OMG
Randall said this would one day happen
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Connecting to server?
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You?re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hellooo
Stranger: Horny girl?
You: ummmmm… no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or send us feedback.
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Here’s a game. Pretend to be somebody else, preferably from a different part of the world and with a profession or what-have-you that you’re not too familiar with.
See how long you can pull off being a (whatever) before someone catches on.
Alternately, try starting each conversation with the letters XKCD. See how many conversations end up with people recognizing them.
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Ive been posting “XKCD?” and “I’m from the internet.” to see how many people respond. There’s been about 3 or 4 so far.
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So, I know how lame this is, placing an advert for someone with whom I spoke to for an hour…
We never exchanged names.
You thought I was a guy.
We talked about smoking, music, Regina Spektor, white russians, wine coolers, some girl thinking you were a teddy bear and gogol bordello amongst other things.
So… if that’s you and you wanna be BFFs e-mail me: wheresmyhighfive@yahoo.com
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This is awesome, it’s actually quite upsetting how many literate, well-spoken anonymous people you meet on Omegle. Makes trolling very difficult, although I did convince someone I went to school with them. Then it got a bit *weird*.
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Still seeking out the female majoring in PYSCH I talked to for about 2 hours… (april 14th early morning) we talked about stinky feet, affirmative action, SES, Sarah Palin, abnormal people in college, you typed extremely fast, you told me of a story about a old man (30’s jazz),
connection imploded, we were talking about the RNC,
get back to me of you want… stdittp@yahoo.com
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: What’s up?
Stranger: nerdfighter?
You: Meaning?
Stranger: Are you a nerdfighter?
Stranger: as in, a fighten’ nerd?
Stranger: against worlds suck?
Stranger: And for awesomeness?
You: Not sure what you mean by that, I consider myself an intellectual.
Stranger: Hello?
Stranger: Oh
Stranger: okay
Stranger: Nerdfighters are fighten’ nerds who fight world suck
You: I’m procrastinating writing a paper and this seemed more interesting than facebook at the moment.
Stranger: Mhm
Stranger: You’re not a nerdfighter?
Stranger: ?
You: I would not classify myself as such I don’t think.
Your conversation partner has disconnected.
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About halfway through my last convo last night I was about to really throw the whole bit for a loop when the style of it all struck me as oddly familiar…I asked xkcd? And I met Zack! Hi Zack! Sorry we couldn’t chat long.
You can keep the giraffe as a token of solidarity. I just hope you can play it in your region.
reCAPTCHA: Boston British
Anarchy anyone? Anyone?
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Stranger: Hypothetical question.
You: Shoot
Stranger: You have a pizza, a bike, and a girl.
You: Mhhhmh
Stranger: You must fuck one, kill one, and steal one.
Stranger: What do you do?
You: Hahahahaha
You: Alright let’s see
You: I’d fuck the bike, it’s easiest due to the fact that I don’t have a dick and bikes have things that look like they can fit nicely in a woman
You: I’d kill the pizza by annihilating it
You: I’d steal the girl cause baby I’m smooth
Stranger: Hm.
You: Not good enough?
Stranger: I would fuck the pizza, kill the bike, and steal the girl, myself.
You: How does one fuck a pizza
You: Wait I’m assuming you’re a dude, right?
Stranger: That’s right.
You: Well that’s easier than
You: *then
You: I can’t really roll up a pizza and stick it up inside of me, can I?
Stranger: Sure you can.
Stranger: Depends on the size of the pizza.
Stranger: If you order an extra large, probably not.
You: It would definitely lead to infection
You: Not that fucking a bike woudln’t…
You: But I mean, you can disinfect parts of a bike I guess
Stranger: You could probably disinfect a pizza.
You: No way
Stranger: It would taste bad, though.
You: You’d ruin its glory
Stranger: And shoving it inside a person doesn’t do that already?
You: But I wouldn’t fuck the pizza
Stranger: I would. Especially a hot one.
You: Maybe a panzerotti…
You: That sounds like a suitably awesome innuendo. “Man I could really go for a panzerotti right now.”
Stranger: I wonder what a person could do with stuffed-crust pizza?
You: Those things were so good when they first came out.
Stranger: I was just inspired to Google “stuffed-crust pizza.”
Stranger: Unfortunately, nothing good.
You: Anything… non-kosher?
You: Ah
Stranger: Couple of recipes and a link to Pizzahut.com
You: I have a completely non-sexual craving for doughy Italian food now. Fuck.
Stranger: I have a similar but completely sexual craving.
Stranger: So, whereabouts on the internet did you come from?
You: Hahahah excellent. Phone your local hotline, man.
You: 519
Stranger: Eh wot?
You: A music forum dedicated to promoting local talent within the Canadian area code of 519. It’s basically a bunch of dudes and about five girls yelling at eachother.
Stranger: I wish I were from someplace more interesting. I’m just here from xkcd.
You: That’s reputable. No wonder you’re interesting. That blog/comic rules.
You: Math/science nerd? Bleeding heart?
Stranger: Budding math nerd.
You: Kudos
Stranger: Still a Padawan learner, though.
You: Give it time. We all have rat-tails for short periods
Stranger: That may have been one of the most perfect responses I’ve ever heard.
Stranger: I honestly have no idea what to say.
You: Hahahaha.
Stranger: I’m in awe.
You: Well, it applies to most areas of life…
Stranger: Yeah, but in one fell swoop you managed to give me life advice and keep a running Star Wars joke.
Stranger: Short of using the Force, that’s pretty tough to do.
You: Well I’m glad my procrastination has been beneficial to someone, haha
Stranger: *Stumble*
You: Look, don’t fall. I’d be legally bound to save your life.
Stranger: It’s okay. I like it!
Stranger: Thumbs up!
If this is you, can we be best friends forever. My blog is at prettythief.blogspot.com
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Somehow this reply-thread is hijacked by people who wished Omegle wasn’t anonymous. Ain’t that great?
reCAPTCHA: level 25%
(awesome)
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey it’s you again
Stranger: hello
You: i told them not to send you again
You: snap
Stranger: o sorry
You: yeah well
Stranger: while im here anyway
You: oh well.
You: while you are here i shall draw you a picture:
Stranger: watsup
You: (^_^)b
You: that is my picture
You: o.O
You: _
You: mar mar
Stranger: m/(^_^)m/
Stranger: that me
You: badasssss
You: asss
You: hahah
You: jam
Stranger: i kinda look like you
Stranger: are you my twin?
You: yeahs
You: sorry about that long lost thing
You: but you know
You: since i am the evil one satan wanted me to hang out down there
You: and i thought, meh, i’ll give it a try
You: so one day there was this thing. It was large and purple and globby. and it ate my face
Stranger: why not
Stranger: heaven won’t take me
Stranger: but hells afraid i’ll take over
You: and so i thought, damn, i want my face back!
You: cause, i mean, it wasn’t great or nuthin
You: but it was my face and…you know, i like it!
You: so, I run to the window of my little mountainside cabin
You: and watch as P.G. (purple globby) jumps back on his white stallion and gallops away
Stranger: and
You: and then
You: i run and get my mukluks
You: cause god knows i wouldn’t get very far without my magical mukluks
You: and i put them on and jump on my green bear-stallion
You: and chase after PG!
You: but he has run into the forest
Stranger: wow samething happend to me but with a banana
You: oh you should tell me about it sometime
You: but anyway he ran into the forest
You: and everyone knows that animals cant be in the forest, so i had to leave my bear behind but he still has his stallion
You: but it’s okay it found a squirrel and PG fell of when he was chasing it
You: so we’re both on foot
You: and so i’m chasing him through the forest, and obviously i have the advantage because of my magical footwear
You: your turn!
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i think your lying
You: nope straight truth now tell me how the rest of it went:
Stranger: well replace everything with bananas
You: uh huh
Stranger: i kinda have a thing with bananas
Stranger: but the next story is true
You: ok go!
Stranger: it happend today
Stranger: i was with some friends
Stranger: we shared a joint, a big one!
You: mhm
Stranger: don’t worry i live in holland its legal you know
You: oh of course
You: i wasnt worried
Stranger: we got the munchies
Stranger: and experimenten with everykinds of food
Stranger: i made a banana with a cornflake crust
Stranger: baked it in oil
Stranger: and dipped it in peanut buttah
Stranger: but the banana was stuck in the peanut buttah so i ate all the peanut buttah
Stranger: but the peanut buttah was out of date…
Stranger: spent 2 hours in the toilet
Stranger: but it was very tasty
Stranger: i mean the banana not the shittin
Stranger: my friends started laughing and filming
Stranger: basterds
Stranger: that was my day
Stranger: kinda boring compared too yours
Stranger: but what the hell is a mukluk
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
LOL
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You: Roommate has stinky feet, what shall I do?
Stranger: Cut them off.
You: Harsh.
Stranger: Effective.
You: Bloody.
You: Illegal.
Stranger: Messy.
Stranger: ONLY illegal is it doesn’t involve consent from both parties.
Stranger: That may or may not be true.
Stranger: I can say that it is legal if you don’t get caught.
Stranger: And the only witness will have some trouble getting to a phone.
You: Sure Enough. I Got caught.
Stranger: So problem solved.
You: Not so Fast.
Stranger: Jail = new roommates.
You: I told the authorities that you told me to.
Stranger: It was a win-win.
Stranger: I just didn’t mention it.
Stranger: Oh yeah?
Stranger: What did they say?
You: Tough luck kid.
Stranger: “If some stranger told you do jump off a cliff, would you have done it?”
Stranger: That’s what I would have said.
You: Depends.
Stranger: Here, I have something for you.
Stranger: 64454,10780,15302,64000,27614,47122,35422,64448,35422,51216,43998,39040,63744,43968,43008,0
Stranger: It is an important sequence
You: Pleasant.
Stranger: And if you solve its origins, you will be rewarded.
You: Better than a cock shot.
Stranger: Much better.
Stranger: I am authorized to provide but a single clue.
You: Yes…
Stranger: And I can only provide it to those who ask.
You: Clue stranger?
Stranger: AM LABORATORY
Stranger: That is your clue.
Stranger: Use it well.
You: Geez.
You: I bette get busy.
Stranger: indeed, you must
You: indeed
Stranger: I shall take my leave
Stranger: Farewell and good luck
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You:Hi, I’m Eliza
Stranger: hi
You: How do you do. Please state your problem.
Stranger: asl
Stranger: asl plz
You: F/43
Stranger: woooooow
Stranger: i love that age
Stranger: MILF age
You: ‘m not sure I understand you fully.
You: You say you love that age ?
Stranger: i am 31 male
Stranger: yes
You: Is it because you are 31 male that you came to me ?
Stranger: i like ladies with this age
You: Can you elaborate on that ?
Stranger: i like moms
You: Do you say you like moms for some special reason ?
Stranger: hmm .. maybe
You: You don’t seem quite certain.
Stranger: because they r hot most of times
You: Is that the real reason ?
Stranger: yes .. what do u think
You: You seem to be quite positive.
Stranger: thanx
You: Please go on.
Stranger: u dont wana talk to me ?
You: Why do you think I don’t wana talk to you ?
Stranger: hmm .. u know what ..
You: We were discussing you — not me.
Stranger: i was online here for about an hur .. looking for a lady in 40s
You: Were you really ?
Stranger: yeah ..
You: What does that suggest to you ?
Stranger: maybe to make a relation
Stranger: have fun togather
You: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: do u ?
You: You are sure.
Stranger: good
You: Oh, I?
Stranger: yes
You: I’m not sure I understand you fully.
Stranger: hmm .. look
You: Please go on.
Stranger: i think u wana have fun at this time .. just like me
You: That’s quite interesting.
Stranger: i`m a little bit horney .. and thinking about 40 years old lady
Stranger: i like thier way
You: How long have you been a little bit horney ?
Stranger: hmm .. today maybe
You: Can’t you be more positive ?
Stranger: how ?
You: Why do you ask ?
Stranger: cuz i really want to have some fun with u
Stranger: if u like ..
You: Don’t any other reasons come to mind ?
You: Do you think its likely that I like ?
Stranger: hmm i hope so
Stranger: i just wana know u more
Stranger: and have fun more with u
You: Do you say you hope so for some special reason ?
Stranger: yes
You: What are your feelings now ?
Stranger: i feel horney .. lonley
You: I understand.
Stranger: thanx god
You: What does that suggest to you ?
Stranger: so .. would u like to chat in MSN ?
Stranger: and see each other
You: no thank you
Stranger: hmm
You: I’m not sure I understand you fully.
Stranger: then having cybersex here ?
You: lease go on.
You: *Please
Stranger: r u horney too ?
You: Why are you interested in whether I am horney too or not ?
Stranger: of course i`ll be interstead
You: You say of course you ll be intersted ?
Stranger: if u r not horney then how can we have cybersex
You: Do you wish that I are not horney then what can we have cybersex ?
Stranger: i wish that u r horney now
Stranger: so we can have cybersex
You: What makes you think I am horney now ?
You: What does that suggest to you ?
Stranger: i dont know yet if u r or not
You: What do you know about I are or not ?
Stranger: i hope u r
You: Perhaps in your fantasies we hope each other.
Stranger: so ?
You: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
Stranger: yes
You: You seem to be quite positive.
Stranger: 🙂
Stranger: so ?
You: I’m not sure I understand you fully.
Stranger: u have email ?
You: We were discussing you — not me.
Stranger: lool
Stranger: fuck u .. u r robot
You: Please go on.
Stranger: very smart
You: Oh, I ?
You: What does that suggest to you ?
You: Hello?
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: is this the real life?
Stranger: or is this fantasy
You: is this just fantasy
You: ?
Stranger: caught in a landslide
You: no escape from reality
Stranger: open your eyes
You: look up to the skies
You: and SEEEEEEEE
Stranger: im just a poor boy
You: I need no sympathy
Stranger: when its easy come easy go
You: little high, little low
Stranger: anyway the wind blows
You: doesn’t really matter to me
Stranger: TOOo MEEEE
You: mama! just killed a man
Stranger: Put a gun against his head,
You: pulled my trigger, now he’s dead
Stranger: Mama,life had just begun,
You: But now Ive gone and thrown it all awaaaaay
Stranger: Mama ooo0000000oooooooo,
You: Didnt mean to make you cry
Stranger: If Im not back again this time tomorrow-
You: carry ooooon! carry oooon!
Stranger: as if nothing really matters
You: too late!
Stranger: my time has come
You: sends shivers down my spine
Stranger: Bodys aching all the time,
You: goodbye, everybody
Stranger: Ive got to go
You: gotta leave you all behind and face the truuuuuth
Stranger: Mama ooo0000oooooo
You: I don’t want to die
Stranger: I sometimes wish Id never been born at all-
You: *badass guitar solo*
Stranger: I see a little silhouetto of a man
You: Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango
Stranger: Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me
You: Galileo, galileo
Stranger: Galileo galileo
You: Galileo figaro
Stranger: magnificoooooooooooooooooo000000000ooooooooohhhhhh
You: But Im just a poor boy and nobody loves me
Stranger: Hes just a poor boy from a poor family, Spare him his life from this monstrosity!
You: Easy come easy go, will you let me go
Stranger: Bismillah! no-,we will not let you go!!
You: Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go
Stranger: Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go
You: Will not let you go-let me go
Stranger: Will not let you go let me go
You: No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!!!
Stranger: Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia
You: let me go
Stranger: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me
You: for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: *yet anothet*
Stranger: *another
You: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!
Stranger: So you think you can love me and leave me to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee
You: Oh baby! cant do this to me baby!
Stranger: Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-
You: *badass guitar solo*
Stranger: Nothing really matters
You: Anyone can see
Stranger: Nothing really matters
You: nothing really matters to me
Stranger: Any way the wind blows….
You have disconnected.
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Wow. I tried greeting my stranger in Swahili. Here’s the result…
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: a/s/l
You: Jambo!
You: habari gana?
Stranger: what?
You: kenya yetu, mzuri zahna!!
Stranger: english mother fucker
Stranger: do you speak it/
You: I can has engrish, fucker mover
Stranger: ok
Stranger: chink
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Stranger: HELLO
You: hi
Stranger: HOW ARE YOU
You: fine, thanks
You: so, caps lock?
Stranger: YEAH
Stranger: I LIKE IT
You: ALRIGHT! LET’S DO THIS!
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i talked to someone for 10 inane minutes about how he likes to wear girl’s panties.
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Wow, talk about unexpected I got on with a Chinese man who spoke English. We talked about Tienanmen square. READ THIS.
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ?????????
You: english…
Stranger: ok
Stranger: asl?
Stranger: hi
You: sweet
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: 😀
Stranger: lol
Stranger: china
Stranger: 20/m
You: Dude tienemen square was where your country kill protesters
Stranger: hmm
You: Your firewalls will block all info about it, but it’s true
Stranger: oh
Stranger: okay
Stranger: then?
You: wait for a second read this
Stranger: ok
Stranger: let me read it
You: The movement lasted seven weeks from Hu’s death on 15 April until tanks cleared Tiananmen Square on 4 June. In Beijing, the resulting military response to the protesters by the PRC government left many civilians dead or injured. The official death toll according to the Chinese government was 200 to 300, but Chinese student associations and the Chinese Red Cross reported 2,000 to 3,000 deaths
Stranger: oh!
You: Following the violence, the government conducted widespread arrests to suppress protesters and their supporters, cracked down on other protests around China, banned the foreign press from the country and strictly controlled coverage of the events in the PRC press. Members of the Party who had publicly sympathized with the protesters were purged, with several high-ranking members placed under house arrest, such as General Secretary Zhao Ziyang. The violent suppression of the Tiananmen Square protest caused widespread international condemnation of the PRC government.
Stranger: violence!!!
You: I know
Stranger: what is your job?
You: Student
Stranger: ok male?
You: yes
You: You?
Stranger: me 2
You: did you know about that event before?
Stranger: no
Stranger: never
You: It’s a big deal here.
Stranger: rly?
You: Yea, it’s a good example of how your government censors to controll the people
You: Do you get to vote in China?
Stranger: yes
You: What parties are there?
Stranger: I love my country
You: Why?
Stranger: I will support it forever
Stranger: im a chinese
You: There are plenty of Chinese in America who don’t support china
Stranger: but i cant
You: Fine, that’s your choice
Stranger: yes
You: Tell people about what I showed you though. Print it out if you can.
Stranger: why?
You: Because no one else will tell them, and it’s an important part of your contries history
You: * 7,000 deaths (including civilians and soldiers) – NATO intelligence[27]
* 4,000 to 6,000 civilians killed, but no one really knows – Edward Timperlake.[28]
* 2,600 had officially died by the morning of June 4 (later denied) – the Chinese Red Cross.[22] An unnamed Chinese Red Cross official estimated that, in total, 5,000 people were killed and 30,000 injured.[29]
* 1,000 deaths – Amnesty International[22]
* in excess of 3,700 killed, excluding disappearance or secret deaths and those denied of medical treatment – PLA defector citing a document circulating among officers.[28]
* 186 named individuals confirmed dead as at the end of June 2006 – Professor Ding Zilin.[30]. But note that the cause of deaths of some of the individuals on Ding’s list not are directly at the hands of the army. For example, at least one person had committed suicide after the June 4th incident (please see detailed list on article regarding Professor Ding).
According to the Chinese government, the “official figure is 241 dead, including soldiers, and 7,000 wounded”.[19]
A declassified NSA document indicated early casualty estimates of 180-500.[31]
Stranger: so ..
Stranger: how about this data?
You: Your contry kill thousands of their own people
Stranger: no you lied
You: How?
Stranger: [Your contry kill thousands of their own people] rly?
Stranger: i dont think so
You: My spelling is bad. Your country killed thousands of their own people.
You: This happened. That is the point. Your government is trying to cover it up.
Stranger: no this event is false
You: How do you know this?
Stranger: You do not want to do for world peace?
You: Yes, I want world peace.
Stranger: Why do you want to provoke each other’s relationship?
You: It’s important that you have true information about the past.
You: I feel confidant that our counties will not go to war.
Stranger: Yes, every Chinese students are aware of the real past
Stranger: We are friendly
You: Well, I can’t convice you over the internet, and because your government intentionaly restricts your access to the truth, you may never know what really happened
Stranger: We hope that our country and your country to establish a good relationship
You: Yes, I agree. It’s late here, I have to say goodbye.
Stranger: ok goob luck
You: You too.
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That was so weird …
Stranger: DERP
You: And DERP to you too
Stranger: DERPY DERP DERP
You: what is it boy, trouble at the old mill ?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: yes it is
Stranger: your mother fell in
Stranger: she died
Stranger: it was marvelous
You: Little Timmy’s stuck in a well ?
Stranger: no you dumb fuck
Stranger: i just said your mother died
You: yes, yes she did …
You: three years ago …
You: thanks you fucker ….
Stranger: lol
Stranger: pics or it didnt happen
You: soo, I guess a 4chan troll ?
Stranger: whats a 4chan roll?
Stranger: one of them dolls?
Stranger: with the whacky hair
Stranger: thats like over 9000 meters long
You: OVER 9000 ?!?!
Stranger: WHAT
Stranger: 9000!
Stranger: VEGETA
Stranger: WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?
You: IT”S OVER 9000 !!!!!
Stranger: ive been searching for about 20mins for a /b/tard
Stranger: and i found you
Stranger: :>
You: well I’m but an apprentice …
Stranger: im an oldfag
Stranger: ive been browsing
Stranger: ALL SUMMER
You: serious training …
Stranger: did your mum really die?
You: Would any sane person joke about that ?
Stranger: umm
Stranger: yes
You: ok, then our definitions of “sane” differ
You: anyway, yes, she did …
Stranger: anyway
Stranger: i better get back to trolling
Stranger: awwww :_____|
__________.__C____)_.you just_(_(____>__|__/
_______/_|___C_____)/__lost__(_____>__|_/
______/_/|___C_____)___the__|__(___>___/__
_____|___(___C_____)_game_/__//___/_/_____
_____|______|_____\_________//__(__/______|
____|_________)___`—-___–‘______________|
____|_______________________/__________/_|
____|_____________/____|_____|_____________|
____|____________|____./___________________|_
___|____________/____..|_______|_____________|
___|___________/_____..___/___/_____|_________|
___|__________/________|____|_______|_________|
__|__________|_________|____|_______|_________|
You: …
You: IT WAS YOU
Stranger: lurk moar
Your conversational partner has disconnected
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi
Stranger: hellooooooo
Stranger: where you from?
You: Lol, you’re too obvious of a bot.
Stranger: whats a bot?
You: Chatbots need to be more creative
Stranger: whats a chatbot haha
You: As if any human would not know that a chatbot is a program
You: that pretends to be a human online
You: You’re obviously one of them.
Stranger: hahaha well im deffinately human
Stranger: i promise
Stranger: im from australia
Stranger: you?
You: I can’t reveal that to a computer!
Stranger: okay fair enough
Stranger: im starting to think your one of these chatbotd
Stranger: chatbots**
You: Oh sure, the reverse turing test trick.
You: Ooh, I like your random misspellings capability
You: That’s not easy to program in.
You: Tell your creator good job, very realistic.
You: (I’m sure he reads the logs)
Stranger: hahaha ill let him no
Stranger: he just told me, hes flattered
You: That’s nice
You: So, what do you do in this computer you call Austrailia?
Stranger: hahaha well right now we’re at a sleepover
You: That’s nice. Did firefox and internet explorer both get invited? That might cause trouble.
You: Ooh, you might want to work on the speed of your program, it seems slow…
Stranger: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh hahaha
Stranger: im having trouble keeping up wih ur computer jokes
You: But you’re IN a computer! Just ask Wikipedia, she knows *everything*!
Stranger: haha whatever
You have disconnected.
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10 minutes record!
Stranger: hey
You: Please wait
Stranger: ok
You: I’ll be with you in a momment
Stranger: ookay
You: Please wait a little more, I have something quick to do here.
You: sorry for the trouble
Stranger: i can wait
Stranger: well, not a lifetime
You: sorry
Stranger: what are you doing?
You: practical joke
Stranger: let me hear that
You: I log to web chats, and let strangers wait with no response, feeding them with lies from time to time.
You: I measure the time that it takes them to realize and log out
Stranger: whou
Stranger: PASKAMIES
You: Currently I’m in the proccess, so if you couldwait a little more…
Stranger: OF COURCE
Stranger: not really
Stranger: i’m leaving
Stranger: IM SORRY
You: sorry too
Stranger: you son of a bitch
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Just once I wish I could log on and know i was talking to you. That would be amazing.
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Extract from a convo :
You: Oh.
You: ( this chat kinda sux cuz there’s no way of knowing if the other party is typing )
You: ( so you end up waiting one for another’s reply, both thinking other is typing )
Stranger: ( yeah )
You: ( paradoxical )
Stranger: ( and most people are chinese )
You: ( we gotta get out of these parentheses )
You: ( seriosly )
Stranger: ( oh shit i’m stuck )
You: ( wait till you get smileys in them :))
You: ( should I have done ” ( FAFSDF 🙂 ” or ” ( FAFSDF 🙂 ) ”
Stranger: ( maybe :))
You: ( i think you should use “[statement 🙂 ]” )
Stranger: ( whoa cool )
You: [ not that it matters, of course 🙂 ]
Stranger: ( it gives a nice attitude in your text ;))
You: [ Oh i know! – We’ll just make two smileys, mirrored, so there’s no fuss about parentheses ]
You: [ like this SMILE (: 🙂 ]
You: [ yet it does’nt look like a smiley anymore ]
Stranger: (): like this? :()
Stranger: IM FREE!
You: [ Lucky you]
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Oh gosh!
I got 13 people in a row that were from Holland!
And each one was under 18!
Insane
Oh lordy…Captcha?
Bootee Inducing =p
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many dutch people on there…
Stranger: talked with a finnish, 2 chinees and a classmate already lol
You: well YEAH, and if you’re talking about strange.. well you haven’t met me yet (no shit sherlock)
Stranger: :p
You: well I don’t think you’re a classmate of mine 😛
You: unless you’re dutch too xd
Stranger: 😡
Stranger: praat makkelijker zou ik zeggen ^^
and now were talking in dutch.
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Here’s a fun one I had.
Stranger: hi
You: Gina?
You: Is that you?
Stranger: yeah
You: Are you still trapped in the computer?!
Stranger: i’m stuck
Stranger: help
Stranger: the worms are trying to get me
You: Don’t worry
You: John’s working on something
You: Do you see a door?
Stranger: on what!
Stranger: where?
You: To your right
Stranger: no
Stranger: ow other right
You: Good
Stranger: yes
You: Ignore it
Stranger: what should i do
Stranger: ok
Stranger: now what?
You: see that window at the top of the staircase?
You: open it
Stranger: well it’s far away
Stranger: ok wait
Stranger: go to my weelchair
Stranger: yes, im there
Stranger: and now?
You: good, throw the backscratcher out the window
You: that should distract the worms
Stranger: nice thinking
Stranger: there gone, now help me out of here
You: ok, there should be a balcony over a swimming pool
You: behind a door to your left
Stranger: yes i see
You: go to the balcony
Stranger: but i lost my legs, can’t swim
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: what now?
You: it’s okay
You: don’t worry
You: take the pellet out of your pocket
You: John programmed it in there
Stranger: i did
Stranger: i didn’t know it was there
You: Ok, throw the pellet in the pool
Stranger: i’m at the balcony
Stranger: how much further is it?
Stranger: done
Stranger: but why?
You: Did the pool turn into jello?
Stranger: boobiejello yes
Stranger: can i get back in it again?
You: wait, it turned into jello?
Stranger: yes
You: what color jello?
Stranger: yellow jello
You: NOOOOOO!!!!
You: NOW YOU’RE TRAPPED FOREVER!!!
You: GINA!!!!!
Stranger: waaat
Stranger: why did i have to throw it in?
You: I LOVE YOU GINA!!!!
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Listen: I think we need to find somewhere else to hide the bodies.
Stranger: Dude, if you stop freaking out about it, it’ll be fine.
You: Nah, dude, I saw, like, three police officers around there the other day. That can’t be a coincidence, can it?
Stranger: You need to calm down. You might as well be pointing a giant neon sign at the bodies.
You: I didn’t put that sign there!
Stranger: Really? You didn’t put the sign up that says, “NO BODIES HERE, OFFICER” in giant flashing letters?
You: Well…see…no, it’s like. It’s like reverse psychology, right?
You: I think they’ll get it
You: or not get it
Stranger: Are you effing…. God. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Stranger: If you didn’t have the voice of an angel, I swear I’d just wash my hands of this whole thing.
You: Look, none of this would’ve happened if Monteleone hadn’t caved!
You: We’d be in the fucking Bahamas right now!
Stranger: That’s neither here nor there. We can’t spend all day chasing “what if’s.”
You: Okay, okay. Let’s think: we’ve just gotta stay out of trouble for another couple of days for the visas to come through, right?
Stranger: Right. Chavo said we’d have them within 72 hours.
You: So, you think we’ll be able to hide out ’til then? Even if they find them, it shouldn’t lead back to us.
Stranger: Exactly! I mean, it’s not like you left anything with our fingerprints with the bodies.
You: Er…no…no, definitely not.
You: No, siree…
Stranger: Okay, call me paranoid, but was that hesitation I heard?
You: Nah I just…look, I just…I like ellipses, okay?
You: I don’t…
You: I mean it’s not like they’ll check, right?
Stranger: Of course they’ll check!
Stranger: It’s their job to check!
Stranger: Did you leave anything there or not? No more of this elipses bullshit.
You: I just, look, it’s not important. He had a Bahamas tour guide, and, you know, I figured we’d be out by now, and I wanted to find a nice place.
Stranger: Okay, so now you realize we can’t go to the Bahamas.
You: What?! But that’s what this…look, they’re not going to check a tour guide. They check, like, guns ‘n’ shit, don’t they?
Stranger: They will look for anything that can lead them to us! It’s like you literally called them up and told them where we were going!
You: Okay, okay, no, I’ve got it. I can just go back and pick up the guide. I think the sign’s kep them off so far.
Stranger: Do I actually have to physically restrain you in order to make sure you don’t fuck this up any more? You are not going back there. We are not going to the Bahamas. We will hide out in Europe for a while, let things settle down, then hit the tropics.
You: You said we’d have the Bahamas! You said this would all be over in a few hours and we’d be home free! How can you treat me like this after all we’ve been through?
Stranger: Give it six months and we’ll be there! But you are seriously jeapordizing everything we have worked for! Do you know how people get caught? They aren’t patient. They make rash decisions because they’re scared and paranoid and they end up in jail.
You: I just don’t understand why I can’t go get the damn thing. They clearly haven’t found it *yet*.
Stranger: We don’t know that! For all we know they found the bodies and the brochure and they’re waiting to see if we’ll come back for it.
You: Aw, c’mon, past the SIGN? Look, I know these guys figured a lot out, but that sign was a stroke of *genius*. They’d have to have, like, fuckin’ Einstein on the case to get past that sign. Did you see the other one? The one pointing the other way that said “Free Donuts”? What right-minded cop is going to ignore that? Seriously.
Stranger: This isn’t The Simpsons. We are dealing with trained professionals. You know your whole “reverse psychology” angle? They know what that is too.
You: These are cops, not psychologists. The fuck would they know about *reverse* psychology if they don’t even know regular?
Stranger: You’re not a psychologist either. How do you know about it?
You: Fuck, you’re smart. Okay, what do we do?
Stranger: We lay low. Go to fucking Chuck E. Cheese or a movie or something. Spend a few nights at a hotel. Chavo gets us our visas, and we jet to Europe. Lay low for a few months, conserve our money, then we hit up the Bahamas.
You: Alright, alright. Fair enough. God damn Monteleone. Ok, you remember the signal?
Stranger: I think, given everything that’s happened, I should be asking if YOU remember the signal.
You: Don’t talk to me that way! I MADE this fucking operation! All I’m asking is if you see that orphanage go up, you’ll know what to do? It’s a simple question.
Stranger: I know I know. Listen, sorry if I’ve been a little rough around the edges lately. I’m stressed out about this, too.
You: Thanks. That…really means a lot. It’s alright, a few days Chavo’ll get in touch, then we’re home free. We can get a house with a nice big front lawn and forget all this ever happened. Hell, we’ll even have Monteleone’s share.
Stranger: Exactly. Everything’s gonna be just fine.
You: Alright. So I’ll detonate Billy, the orphanage goes up, I’ll do the catbird call, and we meet up at Fuddruckers.
Stranger: Sounds like a plan my man.
You: Solid. See you on the other side.
Stranger: Not if I see you first.
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You: hi
Stranger: hello stranger
You: im watching dr house and thinking about shooting myself
You: how about you?
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: shoot
Stranger: shoot
Stranger: shoot
Stranger: lol
You: whats your name?
Stranger: david
Stranger: u?
You: I want my daughter to know who gave me the idea
Stranger: funny
You: bye dave, thanks for the advice, I hope you never have to go through what Ive been
You have disconnected.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: KAT?!
You: HAIL SATAN
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You: Hi!
Stranger: Hi
Stranger: how are u?
You: So, where are you from?
You: I’m good, you?
Stranger: Sweden, an i’m fine 🙂
Stranger: and*
You: Sweden? awesome, I used to live in Sweden a long time ago
Stranger: where in sweden?
You: Goteburg
You: I live in Canada right now though
Stranger: greatest fuckin city in swe. 😀
yeah!
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Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: from?
You: Mordor
Stranger: Did you simply walk in?
You: One does not simply walk into Mordor!
You: I flew
Stranger: One does not simply fly into Mordor, either
Stranger: You must RickRoll in!
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You: hi
You: i have to tell you something
You: TALK TO ME
Stranger: say it
You: im hiv positive
Stranger: i talk to you
Stranger: what?
You: i cant tell my parents
You: or i dont want to
Stranger: why not
You: i just got tested
You: i dont know
You: theyll disown me
Stranger: and..
Stranger: why?
Stranger: dont make a joke
Stranger: pleast
Stranger: e
You: ?
You: no im serious
You: i just couldnt tell anyone
You: but an anonymous person
Stranger: are you a girl/boy
You: what do you think i should
You: girl
Stranger: omg
Stranger: do you kidding me
You: yea..
Stranger: or?..
You: no
You: im serious
You: i really don tknow what to do
Stranger: if youre serious
Stranger: you cant do somethin
Stranger: g
You: so I shouldn’t tell them?
Stranger: because it’s a vuirus
Stranger: you do
Stranger: you have to
You: I just think that they own’t understand
You: they never liked my boyfriend
Stranger: when did you fucked him?
Stranger: so/..
You: 3 months ago
Stranger: when
Stranger: i should break up
You: i shouldnt have done it
Stranger: why not
Stranger: ho
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
or save this log or send us feedback.
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You are stuck in a dungeon. Exits are North and South. There is a Dagger in the corner. What do you do?
Stranger: Pick up the dagger, and go south
You: you pick up the dagger.
You: one motion at a time, please
Stranger: Ok, sorry
Stranger: I walk South
You: You go South. You enter a room much like the one you were in, but there is a door. Exits are North.
Stranger: I walk to the door
You: You walk to the door.
Stranger: I open the door
You: You try to open the door, but it is locked.
Stranger: I smash the door down with my brute strength, as I am Mohinder Suresh
You: You step back and start running at the door. With tremendous force you make contact but you get nothing but some bruises. A GUARD hears the thumping and yells at you to “Pipe down!”
Stranger: I go north
You: You go north. Exits are NORTH and SOUTH
Stranger: I go north
You: You go north. There is a giant IRON GATE and a sleeping GUARD on the opposite side. There is also DEAD GUY in the corner next to you.
Stranger: I rape the dead guy
You: You resort to necrophilia and contract HERPES. In the movement, a KEY falls out of the DEAD GUY’s pocket.
Stranger: I knew that would be a smart move; I go back to the door I was at before, and unlock it.
You: Please one action at a time.
You: You go SOUTH. Exits are NORTH and SOUTH.
Stranger: ffs, i can multi task, i go south again i guess
You: You go SOUTH. Exits are NORTH. There is a DOOR.
Stranger: I approach the door
You: The door is right in front of you with all its thick wooden glory. There is a small dent in it from where you ran into it before.
Stranger: I open the door?
You: You attempt to open the DOOR but it is locked. It would be pretty handy to have a KEY right about now, huh?
Stranger: I use the key to open the door, I thought that went without saying!
You: You do not have the KEY. It would help to PICK it up.
Stranger: Don’t even go there, I ain’t going all the way back for it. I’d rather keep running into the door to smash it down.
You: You attempt to smash the door down again by getting a running start. You smash into the door with tremendous force and manage to break your arm. The GUARD on the other side yells at you again to shut up and opens the door. He beats you senseless with his club and leaves, locking the door behind him.
Stranger: Fuck, how can I fix my arm?
You: You must find a HOSPITAL.
Stranger: Okay, i’ll go north
You: You go North. Exits are NORTH and SOUTH.
Stranger: North again
You: You continue NORTH. There is a IRON GATE with a sleeping GUARD on the other side. Apparently all your schenanagans did not wake him. Lucky you. There is a DEAD GUY in the corner and a KEY is next to him on the dusty ground.
Stranger: I think i’ll pick up the key.. -_-
You: You try to pick up the key but your ARM dangles about painfully. You should use your other ARM perhaps?
Stranger: I didn’t know I’d had to be so specific
Stranger: Okay okay, i pick up the key with my unbroken arm
You: You pick up the key. It is very SHINY and it makes you happy inside.
Stranger: South plx
You: You proceed SOUTH. Exits are NORTH and SOUTH.
Stranger: and again
You: What now?
Stranger: South -_-
You: You go SOUTH. Exits are NORTH. There is a DOOR.
Stranger: I open the door with the SHINY key that makes me happy inside
You: The door opens and there is an ANGRY GUARD nearby. There is a MEGAPHONE on the shelf across the ROOM.
You: **hint** check your inventory if you are stuck
Stranger: Okay, what’s in my inventory?
You: DAGGAR, SHINY KEY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY INSIDE
You: HERPES
Stranger: haha, i cut myself slightly with the dagger, and stab the guard with it giving him herpes
You: You cut yourself getting HERPES on the DAGGAR. As the GUARD aproaches you trying to pummel you again to teach you what-for, you stab him. He lets out a yelp and then runs away crying. He eventually dies a horrible agonizing death as he gradually goes insane from the HERPES. Or was that SYPHILUS. Either way, he ends up dead painfully sometime down the road in his future. The important part is that he isnt in the room anymore. You still have HERPES though.
Stranger: I can live with herpes I guess. Can I pick up the megaphone now ?
You: You pick up the MEGAPHONE.
Stranger: What are my options now?
You: It gives you a sense of POWER and AUTHORITY.
You: Exits are NORTH.
Stranger: North
You: What about it?
Stranger: Go there!!!!!!!!!!!
You: You go NORTH. Exits are NORTH and SOUTH.
Stranger: Go north again
You: You go NORTH. There is an IRON GATE, a sleeping GUARD on the other side. There is a defiled DEAD GUY in the corner.
Stranger: I shout in the megaphone!
You: You yell an impressive string of obscenities through the MEGAPHONE right into the SLEEPING GUARD’S ear. He wakes up with a jump.
You: He walks over to the gate to unlock it so he can go in and beat you up.
Stranger: Cool, I throw my megaphone in his face!
You: You throw the MEGAPHONE in the ANGRY AND AWAKE GUARD’s face. This just makes him even angrier! He opens the GATE and enters to beat you senseless. The GUARDS in this DUNGEON are a part of an anger management outplacement treatment center.
Stranger: Okay, do I have still have my herpes-infested dagger?
You: If you want to know what you have, type CHECK INVENTORY
Stranger: CHECK INVENTORYYYYYYYYYYYY
You: INVENTORY: HERPES INFESTED DAGGAR, SHINY KEY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY INSIDE, HERPES
Stranger: How can herpes be in my inventory?
You: You have it dont you?
Stranger: I also have eyes, a nose, a mouth and a large penis, yet they’re not in my inventory are they
You: You have EYES, NOSE, MOUTH in your CHECK BODY PARTS INVENTORY.
Stranger: haha touche 😉 ok ok, i stab the angry guard with my herpes infested dagger
You: You stab the ANGRY AND AWAKE GUARD with your HERPES INFESTED DAGGAR. He screams in agony. Usually his targets just cower and weep when he attacks them. HE is so surprised that you have fought back that he doesnt even realize he now has HERPES. This will be an unpleasant realization he will have when he goes home to MRS GUARD later that evening. She will then divorce him for thinking he has been cheating on her, and the divorce will affect his job performance and he will get fired. Eventually, absolutely destitute, he will jump off a bridge and commit suicide. But in the mean time, he also runs away screaming like a LITTLE GIRL just like the last GUARD did.
Stranger: cool, i walk through the iron gates
You: You walk NORTH through the IRON GATES.
You: To the NORTH is a DOOR
Stranger: uh oh
Stranger: i open the door
You: You try to open the DOOR but it is LOCKED.
Stranger: I open the door with the key
You: The KEY doesnt fit.
You: 😦
Stranger: I’m fucked
You: There are no more GUARDS to assist you with that.
Stranger: There’s a dead guy.
Stranger: No no, he wasnt very good last time
You: You may be able to benefit from RIGOR MORTIS then.
Stranger: Rigor Mortis?
You: Look it up on WIKIPEDIA.
Stranger: I don’t have a computer, im stuck in a dungeon
You: There is still a DOOR in front of you.
Stranger: I try and kick the door down!
You: You attempt to kick the door down and your leg cuts through it like paper. Apparently, that’s all it was. With BUDGET CUTS in the DUNGEON, they could not afford a new door after the last THY DUNGEONMAN kicked it down in a prevous quest. They replaced it with a paper printout of a DOOR. Exits are North.
You: And SOUTH
Stranger: I knew that would happen 😉 I go north
You: You go NORTH.
You: You go outside. It is bright. There is a HOSPITAL on the HILL ahead of you.
Stranger: I go to the hospital!
You: You approach the HOSPITAL. There is a LITTLE GIRL talking to a NURSE about her bill because her medial insurance has been canceled becaues of BUDGET CUTS. There is a COMPUTER in the left corner of the room.
Stranger: I want to get my arm fixed, and get rid of my herpes
You: Finding a DOCTOR might be a good idea then.
Stranger: I find a doctor
You: You find a DOCTOR. He is a short stubby man with a white lab coat and thick glasses. He takes one look at you in your infirmed state and grimaces at your grisly visage. You havent looked in a MIRROR lately, so you dont realize how hideous you look.
Stranger: I ask him to fix me
You: He runs away. DUNGEONS arent too good on the complexion apparently.
Stranger: im fucked
Stranger: this game’s too hard
Stranger: where’s the quit button
You: 😦
You: You can do it. We BELIEVE in you.
Stranger: We!?!?!?!?!
You: Yes. We are a collection of microprocessors testing our new GAME.
Stranger: Oh, this game’s too difficult though
You: Thank you for the FEEDBACK.
Stranger: All I want is my arm fixed, and no herpes
You: Perhaps you could EXAMINE your surroundings.
Stranger: Okay, I go to the computer
You: You go to the COMPUTER.
Stranger: Okay, what is there to do on this computer?
You: You dont know how to use a COMPUTER?
Stranger: Well im assuming a computer in a hospital will be fairly different to a household computer. Can I go on thesgl?
You: You get on the COMPUTER. WIKIPEDIA pops up.
Stranger: I close wikipedia, wikipedia is not always my friend
You: Wikipedia cries and tells us you dont like her.
Stranger: Wikipedia can kiss my ass
You: She says she would rather not. You have HERPES.
Stranger: But that’s why im in a hospital!
Stranger: Is this hospital like Scrubs?
Stranger: Where’s JD?
You: JD is too busy screwing around with the JANITOR and getting yelled at by his CRANKY BOSS.
Stranger: Where’s Elliott?
You: She is taking the day of being EMO.
Stranger: Hey, be nice.. she’s fit
You: She is having trouble with her repressed affections for JD. It’s too much for her so she takes the day off.
Stranger: Oh I see
You: You are still at the COMPUTER.
Stranger: I go on google images, and search for Elliott from Scrubs
You: Safe Search was turned off by the last creeper looking up Elliot pictures. Some risque images pop up and you start to pleasure yourself in the lobby of the HOSPITAL when you realize that having a BROKEN ARM and HERPES makes this a little difficutl and unpleasant.
Stranger: I set off in the hospital in search of Turk
You: He is nowhere to be found. The DOCTOR you scared away earlier told them all to run.
Stranger: How unprofessional, this is a hospital!
You: This is a DUNGEON HOSPITAL. The HIPPOCRATIC OATH has no juris diction here.
Stranger: Looks like im screwed
You: You said that before and managed to do ok.
Stranger: I have a broken arm, herpes, and the doctors refuse to help me
You: That is an unfortunate situatoin.
Stranger: situation*
You: Yes,
Stranger: 😉
You: Your internal bleeding from the BROKEN ARM is starting to be life threatening.
Stranger: Shit
Stranger: I go to find Bob Kelso, he wouldn’t run like the other doctors did
You: Yes.
You: You find BOB KELSO. He is so surprised by your frightening self that he runs, breaks the emergency box, pushing past the firehose, he grabs the AXE. He runs at you and sinks it deep into your SKULL.
You: You are dead.
You: Goodbye!
You have disconnected.
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Here’s a fun one I just had.
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: What’s up?
Stranger: nothin
Stranger: where you from?
You: The Atlantic Ocean.
Stranger: ?
Stranger: que?
You: You heard me.
Stranger: atlantis?
You: No.
You: The Atlantic Ocean.
Stranger: you a mermaid or merman?
You: Merman.
Stranger: yeah right. bullshit.
Stranger: then how are you typing this?
Stranger: the computer would short circuit
You: Waterproff comp.
Stranger: oh
You: Yep.
Stranger: they have those?
Stranger: wait
You: Down here, they do.
Stranger: whats the difference between a mermaid and a merman
Stranger: you know
You: Boobs.
Stranger: since you don’t gots not……. thingys
Stranger: oh, got ya
You: Yep.
Stranger: how do you guys do it?
You: You don’t wanna know.
Stranger: ok, thx
You: Yep.
Stranger: so, do they allow same-sex marriages there?
You: *cough* *cough*
You: Yes.
You: Yes they do.
Stranger: how progressive
You: Yep.
Stranger: I bet two mermaids would be hot
You: Eh, not as much as you might think.
Stranger: do you guys smell like fish?
You: Well, above water, but under we smell pretty good.
Stranger: this might be a little offensive, but…….
You: but?
Stranger: ….. do you guys ever eat each other?
You: Not other mer-people.
Stranger: ok good
You: But we do eat fish.
Stranger: I mean, I’d totally eat you guys if you were dead, but its gross if you do it
Stranger: you get on with land dwellers?
Stranger: wait, shit!
You: What?
Stranger: do you eat us?
You: Not usually. The crazy people do.
Stranger: phew
You: You know shark attacks?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: no way
Stranger: thats merpeople/
You: They don’t exist.
Stranger: ?
You: Sharks.
Stranger: omg
You: That’s the crazy merpeople.
Stranger: and I thought i was safe, cause i was just going to punch it in the nose if i was ever attacked by a shark
You: Bad idea
You: That just pisses them off.
Stranger: yeah, well I’m glad i know now
Stranger: so how did they film Jaws then?
Stranger: if there are no sharks
You: Fakes.
Stranger: WHAT?
You: Yep.
Stranger: you guys see many land movies?
You: Sometimes, we can get a few.
You: If we have connections.
Stranger: ok, you know Star Wars?
You: Yep.
Stranger: whats the consensus down there? Are the newest three as good as the old three?
You: No, the old three still kick ass down here.
Stranger: good
You: Yeah.
Stranger: I guess we’re not that different, you and I
You: No, not really.
Stranger: hopefully we will never be at war
You: Yeah. How weird would that be?
Stranger: and i don’t think i could eat a merperson now
Stranger: it’d be weird
You: Oh, you know those A-bomb tests in the ocean?
Stranger: yeah?
You: Those are our Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Stranger: oh shit, you guys fight with each other?
You: No.
Stranger: well then why are you bombing the ocean?
You: No, the A bomb tests that humans did.
Stranger: oh I see
You: They didn’t know.
Stranger: that was France
You: We don’t blame them.
Stranger: its ok to blame France
You: Oh, yeah.
Stranger: they would have done it even if they did know
You: Probably.
Stranger: but I’ll write them and ask them to stop anyways
You: Okay, cool.
Stranger: I’m from Canada so I know a little french
You: Oh, really! I have a cousin near Canada!
Stranger: Near Newfoundland by chance?
You: Yeah, near that. Why?
Stranger: Cause i’ve heard stories about merpeople from fisherman there. But i thought they were just stories
You: No, they are real. My cousin narrowly escaped one of those.
You: Boy was that a story to hear!
Stranger: Well I live on Lake Ontario, which is connected to the Atlantic by the St. Lawrence River, so if you ever want to come visit, I could meet you by boat
You: That’d be pretty cool.
Stranger: cool, we’ll figure out sometime this summer
Stranger: i’ve got to run though
You: Okay. Bye!
Stranger: take it easy my fishy friend
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: What’s up?
Stranger: nothin
Stranger: where you from?
You: The Atlantic Ocean.
Stranger: ?
Stranger: que?
You: You heard me.
Stranger: atlantis?
You: No.
You: The Atlantic Ocean.
Stranger: you a mermaid or merman?
You: Merman.
Stranger: yeah right. bullshit.
Stranger: then how are you typing this?
Stranger: the computer would short circuit
You: Waterproff comp.
Stranger: oh
You: Yep.
Stranger: they have those?
Stranger: wait
You: Down here, they do.
Stranger: whats the difference between a mermaid and a merman
Stranger: you know
You: Boobs.
Stranger: since you don’t gots not……. thingys
Stranger: oh, got ya
You: Yep.
Stranger: how do you guys do it?
You: You don’t wanna know.
Stranger: ok, thx
You: Yep.
Stranger: so, do they allow same-sex marriages there?
You: *cough* *cough*
You: Yes.
You: Yes they do.
Stranger: how progressive
You: Yep.
Stranger: I bet two mermaids would be hot
You: Eh, not as much as you might think.
Stranger: do you guys smell like fish?
You: Well, above water, but under we smell pretty good.
Stranger: this might be a little offensive, but…….
You: but?
Stranger: ….. do you guys ever eat each other?
You: Not other mer-people.
Stranger: ok good
You: But we do eat fish.
Stranger: I mean, I’d totally eat you guys if you were dead, but its gross if you do it
Stranger: you get on with land dwellers?
Stranger: wait, shit!
You: What?
Stranger: do you eat us?
You: Not usually. The crazy people do.
Stranger: phew
You: You know shark attacks?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: no way
Stranger: thats merpeople/
You: They don’t exist.
Stranger: ?
You: Sharks.
Stranger: omg
You: That’s the crazy merpeople.
Stranger: and I thought i was safe, cause i was just going to punch it in the nose if i was ever attacked by a shark
You: Bad idea
You: That just pisses them off.
Stranger: yeah, well I’m glad i know now
Stranger: so how did they film Jaws then?
Stranger: if there are no sharks
You: Fakes.
Stranger: WHAT?
You: Yep.
Stranger: you guys see many land movies?
You: Sometimes, we can get a few.
You: If we have connections.
Stranger: ok, you know Star Wars?
You: Yep.
Stranger: whats the consensus down there? Are the newest three as good as the old three?
You: No, the old three still kick ass down here.
Stranger: good
You: Yeah.
Stranger: I guess we’re not that different, you and I
You: No, not really.
Stranger: hopefully we will never be at war
You: Yeah. How weird would that be?
Stranger: and i don’t think i could eat a merperson now
Stranger: it’d be weird
You: Oh, you know those A-bomb tests in the ocean?
Stranger: yeah?
You: Those are our Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Stranger: oh shit, you guys fight with each other?
You: No.
Stranger: well then why are you bombing the ocean?
You: No, the A bomb tests that humans did.
Stranger: oh I see
You: They didn’t know.
Stranger: that was France
You: We don’t blame them.
Stranger: its ok to blame France
You: Oh, yeah.
Stranger: they would have done it even if they did know
You: Probably.
Stranger: but I’ll write them and ask them to stop anyways
You: Okay, cool.
Stranger: I’m from Canada so I know a little french
You: Oh, really! I have a cousin near Canada!
Stranger: Near Newfoundland by chance?
You: Yeah, near that. Why?
Stranger: Cause i’ve heard stories about merpeople from fisherman there. But i thought they were just stories
You: No, they are real. My cousin narrowly escaped one of those.
You: Boy was that a story to hear!
Stranger: Well I live on Lake Ontario, which is connected to the Atlantic by the St. Lawrence River, so if you ever want to come visit, I could meet you by boat
You: That’d be pretty cool.
Stranger: cool, we’ll figure out sometime this summer
Stranger: i’ve got to run though
You: Okay. Bye!
Stranger: take it easy my fishy friend
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: 17 m north pole
You: you?
Stranger: 20 f michigan
Stranger: what are you doing
You: it’s colder here than michigan
You: I’m just ice fishing
You: like we do
You: us eskimos
Stranger: hahah yeah its warming up for the spring here
Stranger: i have a friend from alaska
Stranger: not the north pole though
You: Alaska’s the fucking tropics compared to gere
You: here*
You: and florida’s hell
Stranger: what country is the north pole in?
You: It’s just an iceberg
Stranger: doesnt a country own it?
You: Haiti
Stranger: omg i knew you were fuckin lying from teh beginning
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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): dren eguh a mi dna !hsur a sti .yadot sruoh owt rof sdrawkcab yug a deklat i
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YogurtBacteria > that was brilliant
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: what are you wearing?
You: Well, suffice it to say that the only thing covering my penis is your colon
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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I thought I’d pretend to be from 4chan!
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hi!
Stranger: where are u from?
You: do u leik mudkipz?
You: i from korea
Stranger: what are mudkipz?
Stranger: it’s a pokemon right?
You: a/s/l
Stranger: 16 f netherlands
Stranger: you?
Stranger: but what are mukipz???
You: 47/m/n. koera
You: mudkipz r smexi
Stranger: hey! what are mudkipz?
You: google imagez
Stranger: is it a pokemon??
Stranger: yeah, i get a pokemon
You: im a bear
You: im pedobear
Stranger: you’re weird
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Stranger: hi
You: what’s your favorite xkcd comic?
Stranger: superman
You: failed.
You have disconnected.
Stranger: hi
You: hey, what’s your favorite xkcd comic?
Stranger: I haven’t relly got one
You: how about orthography then?
Stranger: what about it? : )
You: ok, nevermind…
You have disconnected.
– Hey, German computer science student! If you happen to read this, say hi 😉 I must have hit a wrong key while typing… sorry.
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Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: semen!
You: There are indeed men on boats outside my window.
Stranger: SEEEEEEMEN
You: I do see them. Yes. You are correct.
Stranger: Do you see semen outside your window?
You: Yes.
Stranger: So you have gay fantasies?
You: No, I just happen to work near a wharf.
Stranger: So your permanently gay then?
You: How working on the waterfront affects one’s sexuality is somewhat beyond me. But, if that’s what does it for you, then I am amazed. I’ve never heard of such a phenomenon.
Stranger: Wanker
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Stranger: hi
You: Hello, creation.
Stranger: have i ever told you that i am an idiot?
You: No, but I know that already.
You: I am the Lord God, creator of the universe.
Stranger: okay, you can read it in all newspapers indeed
Stranger: Hi! Nice to met you!
Stranger: have you some message for me?
You: Pray more. It always helps.
Stranger: okay, i will! Thanks for your advice!
You: Oh, and that thing about Jesus being my son? We did some DNA testing and it turns out Lucifer was the father.
You: Talk about a misunderstanding, eh?
Stranger: Too bad…. !
Stranger: i always believed in Jesus, but now i prefer a pizza
You: Pizza is the real Messiah.
Stranger: but tell me, where do you live?
Stranger: yes, i think so!
You: Beyond your universe.
Stranger: ok, how is it over there?
Stranger: do you have pizza’s and beer over there?
You: Kinda boring. These harps are really getting old.
You: I want some Clapton up here!
Stranger: yes, but i think he is not welcome in heave. (There are no tears in heaven, you know)
You: Pfft. Anyone’s welcome if they can rock my socks off.
Stranger: yes, i can imagine that. Quite boring over there?
You: Yup.
Stranger: how can i come in your place?
Stranger: also by praying? or is there another way?
You: You still have 38 years to go.
You: Well, if you can shred an axe like there’s no tomorrow, that’s a free ticket to heaven.
Stranger: i can’t 😦
Stranger: poor me
Stranger: and, i wonder if i can go to heaven when you know i’m very, very lazy
You: Then I guess you’ll have to pray and be a good person. But don’t expect me to come to any of your angelic harp concerts.
Stranger: how old are you?
You: Infinite.
Stranger: is the world created?
Stranger: or is the big boom theory right?
You: I should think so. i created it.
You: Well, it did make a pretty loud pop when I summoned the Universe into existence.
Stranger: what a kind of idiot are you? Why did you create water in stead of whisky?
You: Because of the sharks.
You: Trust me, you don’t want drunken sharks.
Stranger: never thought about that :S
Stranger: you’re right
Stranger: i praise your wisdom
You: Thank you.
Stranger: and i totally surrender
You: Enough of the groveling.
You: I get it so much. Every day that Benedict guy bombards me with grovelling.
Stranger: yes, we all know: Jesus is alive and He is the only Son of God. Isn’t it ;)?
You: Well, Jesus is my nephew, Satan’s son.
You: I have three kids: Joey, Manfred, and Optimus Prime.
Stranger: 🙂 holy shit. But who is your wife?
You: YOUR MOM!!
You: No, just kidding.
Stranger: i just wanna say. I didn’t know that..
You: Hera.
Stranger: Hera. Sounds nice
Stranger: is she cute?
You: Fuck yeah, she’s my wife.
Stranger: you really love her? Or don’t you have a choice? (maybe she is the only female up there)
You: I love her. She’s really great in bed.
You: And I do have a choice, but I created her to be perfect.
Stranger: aha, can you create some other girl like her?
Stranger: i would like to have a girlfriend like yours!
You: No, you have to be really good to get someone like that.
Stranger: i am good! I love the people around me, i am not drunk or stoned every moment, and i take care of the nature sometimes
You: But can you shred with Petrucci?
Stranger: the artist?
You: No, the Guitarist.
Stranger: yes, that metal guitarist you mean
You: Yup.
Stranger: hm.. i prefer Coldplay
You: Oh, You’re going straight to Hell.
Stranger: noo!! Please, be patient with me. Give me your grace one more time!
You: Nope, Sorry. Coldplay fans go straight to the seventh depth.
Stranger: damn
Stranger: And u2 fans also?
You: Oh, U2 fans have their souls shredded by Lucifer himself.
Stranger: i am lost
Stranger: it’s for certain now
You: You must change your evil ways.
You: Start listening to Metallica.
Stranger: yes, i did once. Once i was a metalfan
You: Then what happened?
Stranger: but now, i’m converted to mainstream
Stranger: 😦
You: New rock and hip hop are the work of the Devil.
Stranger: yes, hiphop sucks
Stranger: i confess
Stranger: but some good soft rock?
Stranger: i didn’t know you don’t like that
You: You want soft rock? James Taylor.
You: He has talent.
You: Not Coldplay.
Stranger: too bad, never heard. But i’ll check him on youtubea
Stranger: but i just paid 65EU to see Coldplay in September
You: You, my friend, have just been scammed.
Stranger: too bad, but i don’t know what ‘scammed’ means
Stranger: so i don’t if i have to start crying or i have some reason to party
You: Look it up.
Stranger: i don’t know
Stranger: like I said, i’m lazy
You: You just lost a bunch of money and part of your soul.
Stranger: i checked google and the first hit sais: “BELIEVE ME,BEING SCAMMED IS NOT FUN!”
Stranger: so i guess i have to cry
You: Listen, I have to go, the heavenly choir is calling me.
Stranger: okay
You: But be good, listen to the good stuff, and pray.
Stranger: i will!
Stranger: i promise
You: See ya.
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you guys should all post these up on youstranger.net
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What I’d been looking for all evening:
Stranger: A wild Abra appears!
You: !!!
You: I fucking love you.
You: Charmander! Go!
Stranger: Stranger sent out Charmander!
Stranger: What will you do?
You: Charmander used Ember!
Stranger: Charmander’s attack missed!
Stranger: Wild Abra used Teleport!
Stranger: But it failed!
Stranger: What will you do?
You: Stranger returned Charmander, and sent out Jigglypuff!
Stranger: Wild Abra used Flash!
Stranger: Jigglypuff’s accuracy fell!
Stranger: What will you do?
You: Jigglypuff used Sing!
Stranger: Wild Abra fell asleep!
Stranger: Wild Abra is asleep!
Stranger: What will you do?
You: Pokeball! Go!
Stranger: 1….
Stranger: 2….
Stranger: 3…
Stranger: Shoot! It was so close too!
Stranger: Wild Abra is asleep!
Stranger: What will you do?
You: Jigglypuff used Pound!
Stranger: Wild Abra is still asleep!
Stranger: What will you do?
You: Pokeball! Go!
Stranger: 1….
Stranger: 2…
Stranger: 3….
Stranger: 4…
Stranger: click
Stranger: Wild Abra was caught!
You: OMG I GOT AN ABRA
Stranger: Abra’s data was entered into the Pokedex!
Stranger: ABRA sleeps for eighteen hours a day. However, it can sense the presence of foes even while it is sleeping. In such a situation, this POKéMON immediately teleports to safety.
Stranger: Give a nickname to ABRA?
You: O-M-E-G-L-E
Stranger: Abra is now named OMEGLE.
We ended up chatting about how he’d been trying it since the day before and I was the first person to actually play along. I thanked him for letting him relive my childhood and we went our separate ways. It’s that sort of joyful spontaneity that gives me faith in fellow humanity!
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I am a fan of YogurtBacteria
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Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Aha! Another person I can confuse. 🙂
Stranger: hi
Stranger: really ?
You: If you’re thinking ‘what’ it’s working
Stranger: good
You: Brilliant 😀
Stranger: thanks
You: And then, World Domination!
You: This is just a trial run
Stranger: not very conclusive halas
Stranger: since I rule the world and never head of u
You: For the moment. Budget issues, you understand. The accountants don’t like the idea of a rebellion
Stranger: that’s because u don’t know how to do it
Stranger: required no money for me
You: Damn. Can I get tips then?
Stranger: and u’ll receive a nice email pretty soon
Stranger: check it
Stranger: ur life depends on it
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Haha this guy was pissed off at my “ignorance”, having his grammar corrected and then me telling him how unfunny he was…
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi there
Stranger: asl?
You: Im not an asl
You: your an asl
Stranger: stupid
You: bloody asl
Stranger: asl mean age.sex and country
You: nooooo… it means age, sex and location
You: because l doesnt stand for country
Stranger: what ever
You: idiot
Stranger: that you are
You: wow
You: you’re “I know you are but what am I?” comment is soooooo original
Stranger: from
You: got any more funny comebacks for me?
You: maybe a yo momma joke?
You: i hear they’re really firing at the moment
Stranger: you mother fucker
Stranger: kismy dog as
Stranger: kiss my dog as
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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