FRUIT OPINIONS!

Posted byRandall 571 Comments on FRUIT OPINIONS!

Holy crap. This strip’s been up for 800 seconds and it’s already the most controversial thing I’ve ever written, beating out comics about cunnilingus, the Obama endorsement, and my making 4chan tiny on the map of the internet. It turns out everyone and their mother has a fruit opinion, and every one of those opinions is now in my inbox.

Just remember to keep some perspective. If you think watermelon is delicious, and I think it’s only so-so, the important thing is that we each find something we like. Who’s to say whose taste is right?

I am. You are wrong; watermelon is overrated.

Also, I have never liked cantaloupe. It brings down otherwise tasty fruit salads. There, I said it.

571 replies on “FRUIT OPINIONS!”

  1. The solution to the is obvious. This needs to be turned into it’s own web 2.0 site where you can create your own fruit charts with fancy draggable fruits.

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  2. All subjectivism aside, there is no way a pineapple is more difficult than a pomegranate. Unless my pomegranate opening skills are unrefined?

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  4. THIS IS ALL LIES LEMONS ARE THE ONE TRUE FRUIT.

    Oranges have been shortchanged! Peaches have been unfairly pimped! WATERMELON IS TERRIBLE.

    I agree with you entirely on coconuts. Man, fuck coconuts. But the real threat isn’t whole coconut but that stealth grated crap. I hate it when you see chocolate cake or brownies or something and you’re like, “Delicious!” and then you bite in and it’s all “Ha ha made you eat coconut!” and you’re all “Dammit! TRICKED AGAIN.” The point of coconuts is not to eat but to smash and if you haven’t spiked one on the top level of a parking garage you are missing out.

    The easiest method of preparing pineapple is with a sword. Ask Black Hole for details.

    You need to do a graph of fruit deliciousness vs. artificial flavoring deliciousness, i.e. grapes are delicious but grape flavored things are not.

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  5. Taste is highly subjective, so I won’t go into that, but you must be doing something funny with bananas if you don’t find them to be some of the easiest fruits. What’s difficult about them, apart from the fact that you have something to dispose of after eating (which is true for most other fruits anyway, except seedless grapes and, perhaps, berries)? No instruments needed for opening, no washing, no seeds and no mess on your hands.

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  6. I have some sort of aversion to fruit where the texture, for some ridiculous reason, just makes me vomit straightaway. Needless to say, today’s comic reminded me of what I’m missing out on, and also grossed me out a little bit.
    That said, where’s this comic about cunnilingus?

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  9. Pingback: I Wish I Knew » Blog Archive » Epic Fail! (3)

  10. Feckin grapefruits aren’t gray, unless spoiled, but they taste better than a lot of stuff. However, a coconut?, come on, all you need is a katana, and the sucker rips open like nobody’s business

    Or, put it under an adjustable can opener

    -Mr. Purple

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  11. As for ease of consumption, I dare you to open a watermelon with your bare hands. 😛

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  12. bananas are good; always take a banana to a party… Bananas are good.
    sorry, just had to throw that out there (this is the type of crowd I would expect to pick up on that earlier) and I agree with the voting, and ajax, and cartesian coordinates (or maybe polar) and all that stuff. and quick, register fruitgraph.com, it’ll be like wetriffs

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  13. I loved this one. I did look at it and think, “Randall has some seriously different fruit taste opinions than I do,” but I always appreciate it when any complex system can by represented in a two dimensional field. I showed it to my husband and after nodding appreciatively at the placement of pineapple, he asked, “where’s coconut?” I indicated a spot well to the left of the computer screen, and THEN I moused over the comic. We LOLed.

    You do realize, of course, that at the next get together you will be surrounded by admirers feeding you seedless grapes.

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  15. i just registered fruitopinions. Gimme a day or three; my Javascript skills are pretty damn rusty.

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  16. Mint-pear grass mushroom! Orange-food cherry banana. Jam, stew-dough dough apple sandwich-food.

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  18. What the hell man. Pomegranates are insanely delicious. One time I spent an entire Babylon 5 Season 1 marathon eating just ONE pomegranate and it blew my mind.

    To be fair that might have just been the Babylon.

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  20. IMO, grapefruit is a lot of work, but to make it taste good (and it is so worth it), you have to remove it from the membrane and just eat the pulpy segments. But as it has been pointed out, you seem to be biased against citrus for some reason.

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  21. so… I’m assuming this is just a chart for the fruit as-is, because you cannot deny the tastiness of lemon meringue pie. on, the other hand, that’s mostly the tastiness of sugar and egg whites.

    in all fairness, though, you should have made this a 3-dimensional graph, to take into account the period of availability for actual ripe fruit throughout the year. strawberries may be tasty sometimes, but not when they’re shipped from Chile in the dead of winter.

    oh, and green apples over red apples every single time. I cannot possibly argue this point.

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  23. “Your comment is awaiting moderation”?

    Aw, come on, was it because I linked to http://xkcd.com/236/ ? I suppose it’s not a perspective you’d like people to have, but come on, we all know that can’t be it, or bananas would definitely have been farther right than apples. 😉 Pineapples, on the other hand, I suppose would be appropriately placed! LOL

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  24. this cannot stand! i will not tolerate this slander, this..this malicious libel! grapefruit is both easy and tart delicious. you cut it in half, you eat it with a spoon.

    don’t even get me started on oranges. good lord man. they self-compartmentalize! divisible bitesize sections!

    exasperated gah!

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  26. Ok So I don’t understand your aversion to oranges at all, but other than that I pretty much agree with your graph, though you’ve missed out normal melon..

    And the best way to crack a coconut (as long as you don’t want to actually have the juice) is to throw it down a set of solid stairs. Or at least this is what my flatmate and I resorted to last year. We through it down the stairway and it cracked the shell.

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  27. Pingback: Fuck Grapefruit at Citizen Jake

  28. I completely disagree with your analysis of the banana. Bananas are wholesome goodness that are delicious when ripe. Even if you don’t like the starchy flavor, they still deserve to be much higher up the easy axis!

    Bananas are waaaay easy. Easier than apples for sure

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  29. Coconut? No, thanks.
    But I’ll open it for you on the table saw, just takes a second.
    What? You don’t have a table saw?!

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  31. Seriously, how can so few other people have complained about the absence of the Kiwi??
    Also, you should NEVER cook a Kiwi.

    Also, I admit that Cantaloupe is a funny word, but rockfruit? Boring…

    There are far to many options for this chart to be feasible if they were all included.

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  34. So if you make a poster of this, may I recommend vinyl cling stickers? 🙂 And I’m anxiously awaiting the interactive graph…

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  35. Has anybody else noticed that half the people disagreeing are saying things along the lines of “you haven’t tried (fruit x) (fromlocationx)/(incircumstancex)”? Cuz I’ve read like 40 of those comments. Just sayin’.

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  40. HELL YES. fuck oranges. oranges make me die from allergies, and that is somewhat less easy than even pomegranates.

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  42. Kiwis can rot.

    The lack of support for blueberries (the best berry and perhaps best fruit) is disheartening, but I will never give up on their noble cause!

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  44. While staying in Taiwan, a local showed me the magic trick to open a coconut real fast: He smashed it to the ground as hard as possible. Well, why didn’t I think of that…

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  46. Why in all that is holy are blueberries so low on the tastiness scale? You’ve clearly been eating some shitty blueberries. (Since it’s currently February, this doesn’t surprise me.)

    And fuck apples.

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  47. Has anyone else noticed that bananas are opened from the ‘other’ end, depending where you are in the world? In the states, we tend to open them from the “handle” end, while in Central Asia they are usually opened from the other end. My question would be – how do monkeys open them?

    I think they are much easier to open from the non-handle end, but now my fellow Americans look at me funny when I do that.

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  48. How the hell do you open a banana from the “non-handle” end without a knife of some sorts?

    I am such an ignorant United States-ian. Good thing I have Google and found this rather lengthy pontification on banana opening that claims monkeys eat them from the non-stem side:

    http://www.slate.com/?id=2067407

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  49. So, If anyone would like to create this afore-suggested fruit opinions website, I can provide hosting.
    If your interested, email me.
    I can do xhtml and css, but no javascript (as anything ajax related would require).

    Also sir, your fruit map is way off. Pomegranates should be much higher on the y axis.

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