FRUIT OPINIONS!

Posted byRandall 571 Comments on FRUIT OPINIONS!

Holy crap. This strip’s been up for 800 seconds and it’s already the most controversial thing I’ve ever written, beating out comics about cunnilingus, the Obama endorsement, and my making 4chan tiny on the map of the internet. It turns out everyone and their mother has a fruit opinion, and every one of those opinions is now in my inbox.

Just remember to keep some perspective. If you think watermelon is delicious, and I think it’s only so-so, the important thing is that we each find something we like. Who’s to say whose taste is right?

I am. You are wrong; watermelon is overrated.

Also, I have never liked cantaloupe. It brings down otherwise tasty fruit salads. There, I said it.

571 replies on “FRUIT OPINIONS!”

  2. To anyone who claims “rockmelon” is the correct name, I suggest you review your botany. It’s not an American idiosyncracy, it’s what the damned thing is called: the full Latin name for the species is “Cucumis melo cantalupensis.”

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  5. Just so you know, the “we both have taste, who’s to say whose right? I am” line was stolen 100% from dave barry.

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  6. Someone needs to make this a flash. So we can all post our own on all our blags~!

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  7. You are looking at melons (watermelons, cantaloups) in the wrong way. They should be harder, yet tastier. The watermelon, in particular, is very tasty in the middle. Take a large watermelon, cut away and discard everything but the center, 3 maybe 4 inches in diameter. Truly sweet. The cantaloup is even worse, because you have the seeds to deal with, but if you avoid getting to0 near the rind a good example has true flavor, but is on the edge of mushiness and therefore not good for salads anyway.

    As for coconuts, exit the stone age, bypass the iron age (a claw hammer works better than a rock) and enter the 21st century (or at least the 19th). Power tools are the answer. Sending the thing through a band saw (after drilling it to drain the juice, of course) gives the endeavor an extra flavor that can’t be gained otherwise.

    Ok, some of that taste may be wd40, but still….

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  8. “(Allowing for harvesting difficulty)….Hell even lemons start looking better than blackberries… mmmm, sweet, plump, juicey blackberries, so worth the pain.”
    Well our tomatoes are currently very painful to harvest because the blackberry which I thought I had eradicated has sprung up between them 😦 – and the blackberry were too full of insects for anyone to want to eat them.

    Our grapefruit tree produces really sweet fruit, but with very thick pith (way to the left!), so we just juice them all.

    Oh, and kiwis aren’t on the chart because they are MEAT, goddammit – and a protected species so you’re not allowed to eat them. Kiwifruit, on the other hand….

    From the home of the kiwifruit.

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  9. I gotta say, you nearly perfectly summed up my feelings on fruit, though I really dislike peaches, and would instead put seedless grapes in that position.

    Then again you are the supreme overlord of fruit opinion and I must reform or die.

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  12. See, red apples actually CAN be tasty, but they get fucked over because they don’t travel well. Red Delicious in particular are always crappy in the store.

    So here’s what you do. Go to an apple orchard in the fall. Pick a Red Delicious off the tree about 3 days before it’s officially “ripe”. Eat it. I guarantee, it’s like ambrosia. The nectar of the gods, man. Even better if you stick it in the fridge for an hour before eating.

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  14. The citrus are underrated! Long live lemons and oranges! But yeah, I wouldn’t imagine this could cause so much controversy, Damn!

    Also:
    “I have never liked cantaloupe. It brings down otherwise tasty fruit salads. There, I said it.”
    Agree

    “You are wrong; watermelon is overrated.”
    Disagree

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  15. Coconuts are easy to open. I can get them in about 30 seconds. You just have to know how.


    just hit the coconut along its ‘equator’ with a semi-sharp object (really hard). If it doesn’t pop open, you may need to pry it a little.

    It’s best when you construct such a semi-sharp object into an under-hat helmet… and then crack a coconut open on your head in front of a bunch of people.
    I did that once in high school. It was filler for our talent show. Suddenly nobody wanted to pick fights with me anymore…..

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  16. s/tasty/sweet/ and you’re right.

    You do have taste buds that recognize more than one taste, do you?

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  17. “Fuck coconuts.”
    Hear hear!

    And ditto to your opinions on cantaloupes.

    Disagree or not, I laughed so hard. Well done, sir.

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  18. You misunderstand cantaloupes – they’re not for eating, they’re for using as suitably large round objects to describe the size of large breasts!

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  19. For those of you who badmouth peaches and pears, travel to the Okanagan Valley in British Columbia one summer and sink your teeth their fresh fruits. It is a total sensory experience as the cool juice dribbles down your hot neck on a bright summer day as you stand in the orchard and let the waves of flavour rack your body.

    In other words, it’s tasty. Peaches Ftw.

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  21. Slight mistake: “seeded” means that the seeds have been removed, not that there are seeds. Also, bananas are way easier than cherries. Those pits are a pain in the neck.

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  25. oranges are more tasty than bananas and bananas are more tasty than 0. oh please…

    this should clearly be interactive and then build a “heat map” of all coordinates per fruit. i’m curious where there is some consensus and where it splits up into two or more clusters!

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  27. This comic lines up w/Gary Gulman’s “The Grapefruit” stand-up bit.

    [The_Grape] … you can use the name, but one thing?
    [The_Grape] When we’re in a salad together, could you NOT fuck up my shit?

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  29. I think you may have actually made a comic that has something for every single one of your readers to disagree with. Often passionately! And it’s about something as benign as FRUIT. This is a grand achievement, and my hat is off to you.

    Also, you’ve slandered the noble tomato, you bastard.

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  31. Grapes are in the right place. Nothing else is. Peaches are made of demon poop and bananas are the original convenience food albeit not hugely yummy.

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  34. I must disagree with you on the matter of cantaloupe and pomegranets. Those are, while difficult, are highly delicious. At least we agree on pears though…

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  41. I like the placing of pomegranate. WAY overrated. Pom JUICE on the other hand, is awesome but expensive.

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  44. oranges just rock. no two ways about it.

    1. they beat scurvy.
    2. they taste the sweetest/best of the citrus (which beat scurvy)
    3. BEST morning fruit, by far.
    4. BEST re-hydration fruit by far (remember, soccer games?)
    5. They rock. no two ways about it.

    and creating a fruit comic….talk about sticking your head in the lion’s mouth 🙂

    awesome work though. keep it up. and try some better oranges.

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  45. The best part is, I can’t see the comic due to the corporate firewall (pure evil filename). Good thing I woke up a bit earlier today and had some free time before going off to work.

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  46. Pingback: Breakfast Links: Space Kimchi, Fruit Opinions & Open Webcams
  47. Pingback: Breakfast Links: Space Kimchi, Fruit Opinions & Open Webcams

  48. I love that this is your most controversial topic. I find myself wanting to redo your graph for ‘Fruit Best Shot Out of a Cannon’. Hopefully that will pass.

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  50. Your opinion is skewed by having lived only in the United Stated. Had you lived in a different place, fruit would taste different. Take watermelon, for example. This is clearly a geography dependent fruit.

    Also, you forgot cactus pear (I think that’s how it’s called). I’d put it all over to the left and top.

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