FRUIT OPINIONS!

Posted byRandall 571 Comments on FRUIT OPINIONS!

Holy crap. This strip’s been up for 800 seconds and it’s already the most controversial thing I’ve ever written, beating out comics about cunnilingus, the Obama endorsement, and my making 4chan tiny on the map of the internet. It turns out everyone and their mother has a fruit opinion, and every one of those opinions is now in my inbox.

Just remember to keep some perspective. If you think watermelon is delicious, and I think it’s only so-so, the important thing is that we each find something we like. Who’s to say whose taste is right?

I am. You are wrong; watermelon is overrated.

Also, I have never liked cantaloupe. It brings down otherwise tasty fruit salads. There, I said it.

571 replies on “FRUIT OPINIONS!”

  5. Does the chart count washing the fruit on the difficulty scale?
    Example: Bananas don’t need washing, but grapes do. So bananas should be set easier on the chart, correct?

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  6. You put tomatoes on there just so you can call out the fools who say “Tomatoes aren’t fruit!”, didn’t you? Because I totally would’ve.

    Also, you clearly just don’t like citrus. Which makes you a heathen.

    (DISCLAIMER: All statements in this message are made with humorous intent. I do not actually think you are a heathen. Much.)

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  9. I thought it was rather splendid over all – nice placement of the grapefruit in particular and the peaches. Cantaloupe is dreary.

    Did you know that the coconut is technically a “fibrous drupe”?

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  10. What kinds of apples have you tried? Because they’re all over the place on the tasty scale. For me, it’s a macintosh or it’s not an apple. Red delicious apples only half live up to their name.

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  11. Right. I’m obviously a pervert.

    I read this blag before I read the comic (they both showed up at the same time in the RSS reader). So I looked at the comic thinking “controversy” and “cunnilingus”. The title of the comic is “fuck grapefruit”. So you can probably imagine what I thought “difficult” and “easy” pertained to. Before I realised what was actually meant by the comic, I found myself thinking “how can fucking blueberries be *easy*”?

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  13. finally! another soul that dos not like tomatoes and i thought i was alone on that fact but pomegranates oranges and bananas need to be on the tasty side and pears on the untasty.

    eh to each his own i guess.

    but seriously how exactly are oranges difficult?

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  14. What the fuck is a cantaloupe ? Is that a crazy American name for something normal ?

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  16. How dare you miss out on the fruits from the East! Longnan, Lychee, Durian, Coconut!

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  17. The proper tool for coconuts is a machete, which is the only reason people eat them. Think of it as that trick form home-ec where you hollow out a grapefruit, but you get to use a fucking machete.

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  18. You’re wrong. Sometimes you’re write, this time you’re wrong. Sadly. To say nothing about any of your other selections, tomatoes need to be in quadrant I, not IV.

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  19. And you’re right, pomegranates are fucking difficult, especially when, like me, you don’t eat the seeds. Pips. WHATEVER. ><

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  20. How is a peach tastier than strawberries? Plus, cherries are definately more difficult than peaches; instead of dealing with one large pit, you have to cope with a dozen small ones!

    I definately see the potential for a really neat AJAX voting graph here. Visitors could drag the fruit to where they feel it best belongs, then compare their results with a mass average! fruitgraph.com! It is The Web 2.0

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  21. You should have made an applet or something, so that everyone can make his (or her) own map and put it on his (or her) wobsite. This way you won’t get anything else than opinions.

    PS: I totally don’t agree with your placing of seeded grapes and oranges. I think they should be exactly the other way round. And coconut is totally worth the work.

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  24. Wait, you had a comic about cunnilingus? Damn, I must have missed that one! And I wonder where exactly on the fruit scale cunnilingus would fall?

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  25. cantaloupe = rockmelon

    silly americans and their need to name everything differently =P

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  28. Lol, rockmelon.
    I see. It’s a lot simpler to call it a rockmelon.
    Why don’t American’s just have their own language if they like changing English so much ?bu

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  31. I hate popular blogs, you think of a comment for 10 minutes, write it accurately – just to find out that someone else has written exactly the same thing in the same minute a few seconds before you.

    @ruben
    Well, oranges are more difficult than cherries and the other stuff. Ever tried to peel an orange at work without any special tools? Anyway, I think seeded grapes are way more difficult to eat.

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  32. I actually agree with almost all of your fruit placements. And I completely agree with you about cantaloupe.

    I also enjoy how the grapefruit is grey. (No wonder you think grapefruits are untasty, if that’s the kind of grapefruit you’ve been eating…)

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  33. Question: where are yellow apples? Also, as someone who hates red apples, I’ll say you should try pink ladies. They’re not like red apples–they’re crisp. But they’re not tart the way that green apples tend to be. In short, they are perfect.

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  34. Bananas are the easiest fruit ever. You never ever have to touch the part that you eat.

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  36. I can’t believe mangoes aren’t on that one. Those things are deceptively hard to eat because of their weird shaped pits, but are absolutely delicious. Other than that you’re right except for matters of personal taste. Fuck grapefruit.

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  38. Dude, you should try harvesting Pineapple… I mean if we take this back to the ‘picking’ stage it changes everything. Cranberries? just flood a field, no biggy. Apples don’t look so bad any more. Hell even lemons start looking better than blackberries… mmmm, sweet, plump, juicey blackberries, so worth the pain.

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  39. If you reflected oranges over the horizontal axis and banished pears to the bottom of the Tasty spectrum, I’d be pretty groovy with the chart. Although Golden Delicious apples are godly and should be a separate entity far above green apples.

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  40. For fatties like me, the more difficult it is to eat, THE BETTER, because it takes you longer to eat it and helps you lose weight. It’s even better if they taste sour and gross like grapefruits, because it makes you less hungry. I have 3 fat grapefruits in my fridge right now.

    In short–FUCK PEACHES, those sugary, sticky, hairy abominations of fruit.

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  41. asdf, the issues involved in eating durian place it so far to the left side of the chart that its y-value is practically meaningless.

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  43. I reckon a Fruit-voting app would, given enough voters, end up with most/all the fruits centered around the Origin. It would be interesting to see if there are any unanimously “(un)tastiest/(un)easiest” fruiit!
    The idea is brilliant though :D.
    Where’s the kiwi though? 😦

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  44. I was pleased but not surprised to see that this was so controversial. Oddly enough reading the comic got me worked up and even a little angry (I know, how lame is that?). I guess I’m just used to supreme accuracy and attention to detail in the XKCD strips and this seemed so arbitrary and inaccurate.

    I’ll leave out the taste dimension (although I disagree with a lot of it) just because it is so subjective. But the ease dimension seems to have so many clearly incorrect placements.

    For instance, a watermelon is definitely not easier to prepare than an orange. An orange can be prepared with just one’s fingers, or at the very most a butter knife. A watermelon requires special equipment, i.e. a giant cleaver. Similarly, lemons should be at the very least equal to oranges in difficulty, although I would argue more so, because lemons absolutely require a knife whereas oranges don’t, with lemons there is the additional hazard of more acidic juice in the eye, and when preparing lemons they have to be sliced more precisely, whereas with oranges you just need to rip the skin off haphazardly.

    Bananas strike me as the easiest fruit to eat of all since you don’t have to wash ’em, they have no pits, and they require nothing but your fingers to peel.

    I would also move the berries down the ease scale, since you either need to wash them in a strainer (extra equipment) or in small bunches (extra time).

    I like the idea of setting up drag-and-drop voting or allowing everyone to make his or her own graph.

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  45. Pingback: What’s Really Important « The Unapologetic Mathematician

  46. Buddy, your juvenile and inexcusable opinions on grapefruit suggest to me that you’ve never chewed a Miracle Fruit before having some.

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  47. I was going to say that everyone should send mail you their favorite fruit to prove how wrong you are. But then I realized that getting hundreds of boxes of rotten fruit probably wouldn’t be much fun for you or your postman.

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  50. I’m with Zelmel. Mangoes should define the top-left bound of the graph.

    Okay, they’re probably a touch to the right of pineapples, if only because of the reduced possibility of injury.

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